Why Do Guys Cancel Dates?

The key thing in a situation like this is that he cancelled, he didn’t stand you up, but the cancelling of a date can still be rather upsetting, so I will attempt to cover the main reasons and keep it real.

I am basing these reasons on guys who cancel before you’ve even had a date, or guys who cancel after a few dates. I’m assuming that this isn’t a monogamous ‘relationship’, that it’s early days and nothing serious. I should start this by saying, whatever the reason is, we shouldn’t get our knickers in a twist over it. The sun does not rise and set on these mofos!

He has a better offer.

Sad, upsetting, annoying, but very possibly true. It is unfortunately our prerogative to change our minds as making arrangements for a date doesn’t betroth you to each other. Sometimes we do meet other people and it’s just too good to let go of. It’s quite likely that the guy will struggle a bit with this one as he won’t quite know what to do with himself. It’s very likely that he won’t tell you it’s this reason so that he doesn’t hurt your feelings further.

He got back with his ex.

It’s amazing how the prospect of someone new entering the frame brings an ex out of the woodwork. Again this will be a situation that presents quite a conundrum for a guy, but if he blows off the date, it’s obviously because he feels he needs to work things out with her. It’s actually better that you let him get on with it as he may have some residual baggage that you don’t want to deal with.

He’s caught up with work.

People can be very caught up with their work and sometimes a meeting, a deadline, a presentation or whatever it is comes into the frame and he just can’t blow it off, so instead you get blown off. If he doesn’t reschedule it’s likely that he lied about this reason, if he does, happy days and get over the disappointment and get him to make it up to you!

He gets scared.

Sometimes he actually thinks far too much about the impending date and maybe it’s because he’s happy with being on his own, maybe it’s because he still yearns for his ex, or maybe he’s just a frickin drama queen, but suddenly he gets date shy. Truthfully speaking, you don’t want a guy that gets his balls in a knot over one little date. It’s a date not a flipping bridal rehearsal dinner!

He just wants sex, he thinks you want more.

Now if he has the decency to cancel, this is actually a good thing, because he could have gone on the date, got in your knickers and never called you again, leaving you bitching about that wanker who used you. This guy has a conscience and something, somewhere internally tells him that he shouldn’t do this to you. Thank your lucky stars and move on. Obviously he’ll make up some reason like work or a dead aunty.

His aunty [insert relative of choice] just died.

Now this could be the truth or it could be a lie, but unless you have concrete proof that this hasn’t happened, I suggest you just go along with it and believe it. Trust me, if no-one has died, he’ll trip up on his story veeery quickly. Obviously if it is true, he may be too upset to be even contemplating a date, or he may come back to you when he’s in a better state of mind.

He’s sick.

Now any man worth his salt has a hard wired inability to either admit that he’s ill or he’ll be the total opposite and be a drama queen with man flu, read:cold. Now this could be true, or it could be a makey up excuse just so that he can get out of it. If he sounds like someone who’s calling in for a sickie at work, be suspicious. Be careful with making accusations, he really may be sick and you may be a crap detective!

He doesn’t remember who you are.

He may have been really, really drunk and he is struggling to remember who you are, what your name is, or what you look like. Maybe he doesn’t want a surprise, but don’t expend any energy on getting upset over this. If he was this drunk, either you were this drunk too, or you realised he was at the time.

He has a girlfriend/wife.

Now we all realise that he should have known this at the time but conscience is now biting at his dick and he’s playing it safe. If he admits that he a significant other, whilst it’s fun to rant and rave at him, he will chalk you up as a psycho that he was lucky to avoid. Don’t waste your time – he’s an asshole anyway. Whatever you do, do NOT ask him to meet you anyway. You are a hop, skip and a jump away from being The Other Woman™ and we don’t play that game here! Have some shame!

He’s gay. Well nuff said.

His mamma told him not to.

You don’t want a mothers boy anyway and if he mentions his mum in the phone call with some drippy reference to her, you don’t want him anyway.

He’s just not interested.

It is our prerogative to change our minds and for whatever reason, he may change his and decide that he isn’t interested. He may have woken up the day after meeting you and changed his mind, he may have gone on a few dates with you and realised that you don’t click. It’s never great to know that someone isn’t in to us, but it’s not ideal to place all of our emotional investment into them. Don’t lose sleep and move on. Please don’t cry over it, because it’s not worth the energy, it’s likely that you barely knew him and he has forgotten you by the time he has put down the phone. Harsh but true. There is way better out there. This is why dating exists: to try each other out and see if there is a fit. Often there isn’t!

Now obviously every reason that he gives may or may not be true, but if you don’t believe it and you end up meeting up with him, it’s not the best premise for you to start out on anyway. If he straight off the bat says that he will reschedule and does, don’t stress over it and go with the flow. Shit happens after all. If he says he’ll reschedule and never does, forget the mofo and move on. Don’t chase and of course, never beg, never plead!

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The New Age of Motherhood - 30s, Apparently

I was perturbed by the headlines last week which proclaimed that thirtysomething is the new age of motherhood with a predominantly negative viewpoint. A fertility expert in Friday’s London Metro branded women in their thirties having more babies than any other age group as “depressing”. This trend apparently correlates to the trend for women to put career, education and financial stability before having children, risking “heartbreak”.

To state that thirtysomething is a bad thing is to imply that we should all be having our first child in our twenties, but last time I checked, for many people, the relationships that they have in their twenties (or in any other age group for that matter) don’t work. If this was even thirty, forty years ago, you’d hook up with your childhood sweetheart in your teens and have four kids by the time you were thirty. Times are very different now which means that we often need to go through the dating mill plus a series of relationships before we even get to the point of having the option to have children.

Even when we do have kids, look around you and there isn’t a majority doing the together forever, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health route.

Read more

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Some People Believe That Women Are to Blame For Being Raped

According to an article on the BBC website, there are people out there that actually believe that a woman is asking to be raped if she behaves or dresses in a certain way.

“A third of people believe a woman is partially or completely responsible for being raped if she has behaved flirtatiously, a survey suggests.
The Amnesty International poll of 1,000 people also found over 25% believe she is at least partly to blame if she has worn revealing clothing or been drunk.”

Rape is a brutal, unjustifiable crime that nobody should have to go through and these people that have these views are a minority albeit a dangerous one.

Flirting has its various meanings which won’t be examined here, but whatever the circumstance of the flirting, does it mean that the woman should be made to have sex against her will? Men talk about teases and being ‘led on’ but does it mean that they should take what they think they’re owed? The problem with this ‘flirting’ is that people have their different interpretations of what this means. ‘Revealing’ clothing is subjective too and quite frankly it shouldn’t be a license for someone to think they are entitled to rape someone either. Being drunk is being drunk which means like the average Joe we’re not as switched on as we normally are, which means that someone like a rapist can take advantage.

“more than a quarter (26%) of those asked said that they thought a women was partially or totally responsible for being raped if she was wearing sexy or revealing clothing, and more than one in five (22%) held the same view if a woman had had many sexual partners.

Around one in 12 people (8%) believed that a woman was totally responsible for being raped if she’d had many sexual partners.

Similarly, more than a quarter of people (30%) said that a woman was partially or totally responsible for being raped if she was drunk, and more than a third (37%) held the same view if the woman had failed to clearly say “no” to the man.”

I really cannot believe that there are people out there who actually believe that any of these reasons makes a woman partially or wholly responsible.

I’m inclined to believe that if a man wants to rape a woman, he will, and clothing, alcohol and flirtation are a poor excuse. I really don’t think that someone becomes a rapist when they see a slip of skirt going down the street or when a woman ‘flirts’ with them but doesn’t want to take things further. These guys that are rapists already have issues and a skewed view of things, hence they will see these things how they want to. We all make a lot of assumptions about people based on how they are dressed even when we have the best of intentions, however there is a difference between the guys that think a woman is more ‘up for it’ because she is flirty and dressed a certain way and the guys that that think that a woman is their next rape victim because she is flirty and dressed in a certain way. The latter is a rapist carrying out a dangerous crime based on bad assumptions and the other is a guy making bad assumptions but having enough balls and respect not to treat a woman in such a way. One doesn’t want or need consent, the other one seeks it and accepts it when she says no.

I have seen what rape can do to a woman and those closest to her and it is incredibly damaging with the effects having the potential to be extremely lasting and they creep into every area of the victims life. It’s called rape for a reason and once it’s done, the onus of guilt is on the offender, not the victim and we should not be in the position of finding ways to justify why someone should be raped.

What this survey does reveal is that there is something very wrong with society because if there are people out there believing that women are partially or wholly responsible for their rape if they do certain things, what hope do women have when they have to face a jury and a humiliating trial? Very often the fear of being put through the mill and having an irrelevant prior sexual history being interrogated, never mind the entire experience being relived is enough to deter women from reporting their crimes. UK police estimate that only 15% of rapes come to their attention which is shocking considering that the 15% represents 12,867 for 2004/5.

As long as there are a significant amount of people believing that the woman is at fault in some way for her own rape, that figure will stay where it is. This survey was conducted as part of the ‘Stop Violence Against Women’ campaign, but if anything there will be a lot more nervous women out there today.
Read via Gordon Mclean. Informationally Overloaded Amnesty International Press Release

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