Should we have sex before we know what we’re getting from the relationship?
February 14, 2007 by NML · 3 Comments
Sex is a contentious issue. People measure all sorts of things by how little or how much sex they are having and everyone puts different levels of thoughts into sex. Many people can have sex without giving it and the potential consequences a second thought. Many others spend a lot of time agonising over the ’should they or shouldn’t they’ scenario and for others, they hold onto their virginity until marriage or until they think they have found a deserving recipient. Right now, there are probably hundreds of thousands, if not millions of people wondering whether the person they slept with for the first time last night will call. It’s clear that most of us are thinking about sex to greater and lesser degrees, which begs the question: Should we have sex before we know what we’re getting from the relationship?
If a relationship is what you would like or are expecting from the person, you need to give due thought to the sex issue. If you have sex too soon, you’ll place yourself in the Justifying Zone – that place that women go to when they have sex too soon and then have to justify the sex by sticking with the guy despite his apparent faults because it deems her actions worthwhile. There is also the Orgasm Zone – the other place that women go to when a man makes them cum and they suddenly place their life in his hands because they’re thinking with their libido.
It is question of priorities: Are you looking to get laid or are you looking to meet someone that has the potential to lead to a long term relationship?
Ultimately, why close the door, after the horse has bolted?
Imagine sleeping with a guy and then discovering afterwards that he only wants you for sex. To be fair, you could probably have found out this little nugget of information without ever having to spread your legs unless he is one of these creeps that feigns serious interest in the name of getting your knickers down.
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10 Signs That a Guy Wants You Just For Sex
November 16, 2006 by NML · 6 Comments
1. He tells you. I know - Talk about stating the obvious but, have you any idea how many women are actually told by a guy that they just want to have ‘fun’ and aren’t looking for a relationship? When a man says this, instead of rationalising and hoping that he will change his mind after the event, don’t and move on.
2. He is sexual towards you. When you’re out on a date, be wary of guy who turns the conversation down the sexual route too quickly. This is over familiarity yet this often gets ignored and mistaken for a strong attraction and connection - That ‘He just can’t help himself because he’s so into me’ syndrome. He’s not into you, he’s into the idea of shagging you. If he is making a lot of sexual innuendo’s, steering the conversation onto sex, staring meaningfully at your breasts and crotch, it is likely that he has got one thing on his mind and it’s not getting to know you, it’s getting into your knickers.
3. He tries to do more than a kiss on the first date. No matter how great the sparks are between you both, generally speaking, guys that really do like you can keep their penis in their pants and their hands above board for at least one evening….
4. He suggests that you become f*ck buddies, FWF’s, casual-something-or-other. It’s not because he’s not ready for a relationship yet; it’s because he just wants to have sex and is likely to be emotionally unavailable too. That’s two not so great qualities for the price of…well…your sanity!
5. He expects something in return for taking you out to dinner and paying for the meal. There are guys that think: paid for date = getting laid that night. This is not much better than treating someone like a prostitute and certainly is not an indicator of a man that wants to forge a relationship with you.
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HPV, the New ‘Sex Cold’
October 27, 2006 by Vixen · 2 Comments
Recently, Moxie had a great thread in her blog about HPV. (Human papilloma virus - “Papilloma means a growth or wart, which is why HPV is also known as the ‘wart virus’. In practical terms, however, only about 10% of people with HPV develop warts. The vast majority of people with HPV don’t, and are therefore unlikely to know that they are infected or that they may be passing the virus to their sexual partner(s).” Source) In it, she got asked by a reader what her thoughts were on the fact that his new girlfriend confided in him that she has HPV. She threw the question to her readers, starting a debate that soon grew into a multiple sided issue. It turns out, alot of sexually active people don’t know diddly squat about STDs, especially HPV. In the thread there was alot of misinformation as well as negative slants on the progression and contagious nature of the virus. More seemed shocked that Moxie didn’t know that much about it and failed to realise that they barely knew anything about it themselves.HPV seems to be more rampant now than even AIDS is. Apparently 80% of sexually active people in the United States are infected, and most don’t even know it. In addition to that, males have the propensity to carry the virus and transfer it to women who don’t realise they have anything wrong with them until warts appear or it leads to cervical cancer. There are many strains of HPV, apparently hundreds, and not all of them lead to cervical cancer, but it’s a chance that we should not be willing to take.
Condoms, although not 100% effective still show the best protection against this virus. At least until the HPV vaccine is in mass production & use, but even then, it will only protect against most strains of the virus but not all.
Fortunately, our bodies are geared up to fight this as well. Most immune systems can process and get rid of the virus within 12 months since inception, however there is a possibility that you might get infected by another strain in the future.
HPV is becoming as common as the cold. And that is just friggin’ scary.
Your thoughts?
Vixen writes The Bad Girls Guide
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Asking the Right Questions About Sex
September 11, 2006 by Vixen · Leave a Comment
The highly intelligent Dr. Annie from Smart at Love published a really important post on her blog recently. She asked 200 respondants to take a survey on her website and in it found out that only half of them actually ask the truly important questions about sexual health before getting intimate with your partner. Instead, we waste our time asking trivial questions, like “Do these jeans make me look fat?”, “Is she hotter than me?” and “Would you ever sleep with my best friend?”
Why do we prioritise superficial aspects first and our sexual health last? Is it because we are shy? Is it because we don’t want to truthfully examine our own past behaviors? Is it because we are so hot for him that regardless of what he says we will sleep with him anyway? There could be several reasons for this trend, but in this day and age—they are all excuses. We’ve got to ask the hard questions. Even if it might be a mood-killer, it opens the channels of communication and keeps you safe. It’s better to know what you might be dealing with sooner rather than later. Knowledge is power. Stay safe. Stay smart. Ask!
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Rules for a One Night Stand - Pay Attention Boys
September 1, 2006 by Vixen · 5 Comments
I’ve been reading a blog by a new Singleton who has been trying to have a one night stand for what seems like forever in her eyes. For one reason or another, the guys (5 at the last count) have all eliminated themselves from the running. This isn’t because of any lack on her part, she’s sexy, confident, intelligent and has her own place, but it’s because the guys—have been caught slacking off in one way or another. What’s up? I thought guys wanted to get picked up?
Don’t take this the wrong way guys—but honestly, there are women out there who aren’t all for a relationship. We aren’t looking for you to instantly become a boyfriend. We just want a good shag session. Why is that so hard to find???
Well, here’s a little rant dedicated to her and all the other ladies out there like her, do find what they are looking for.
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Should You Always Wait to Have Sex?
August 9, 2006 by Vixen · 11 Comments
On reading July’s issue of Cosmopolitan, there was an article that caught my eye. Adapted from the book Everything You Know About Love and Sex is Wrong, the author Pepper Schwartz stated that even though the general consensus is that women should wait until at least the third date to have sex, there has been a dramatic shift in that paradigm.
She stated 3 reasons that it might not be feasible to wait and went on to say that we should just…”go for it.”
- The Moment Might Be Perfect: The example given was meeting someone who was flying out of town the next day. I do agree with this reason, however, it is wrong to assume that a fleeting sexual encounter, no matter how steamy it is will lead to a relationship.
- Some Men Won’t Open Up Unless it’s Sexual: Ummmm, do you really want a guy that can only open up because of sex anyway? Sure, pillow talk is great but the feelings expressed then are mostly because you are both high off the Love Train. Is it really trustworthy if there isn’t a relationship of sorts first?
- It Can Lead More Quickly to Intimacy: Pepper states that sex is the answer to finding out if the relationship is worth your time investing. This point irks me more than the others mainly because the intimacy based on this premise is fake/simulated intimacy (see above). In addition, even though I think sex is important in the evaluation of a relationship, it shouldn’t be the single measuring stick. Great sex does NOT equal great love.
Ladies, please don’t fall for this theory. There is nothing wrong with waiting for sex. Remember free love costs waaaay too much. In addition, once we add sex to the mix we start having all these intensely sexual feelings that tend to really color our judgement of the man’s character, integrity and morals.
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Hot Sex Tips From the ‘Older’ Generation
August 1, 2006 by NML · 10 Comments
Joan Price is a sexuality advocate with a blog and book about keeping the fires alight in your sex life, even when you’re over sixty. Now before you all pooh, pooh, she actually gives some bloody good advice! Joan is knocking the notion that older women are sexless on the head with her tips, advice and recounting of personal experiences. I suggest that instead of waking up at 60 and trying to work your way back to a sex life, take on some of Joan’s tips and make sure you’re having a good sex life long before you get there!
10 Tips for Hot Sex after Sixty
1. Slo-o-o-w-w down. Yes, it takes longer to warm us up. Fortunately, one of the best things about mid-life and later-life sex is the absence of urgency for our partners, also. They enjoy slow sex as much as we do! Make sex play last hours… or days.
2. Kiss and kiss. Kiss sweetly, passionately, quickly, slowly, contentedly, hungrily, lightly, sloppily. All kinds of kisses help you bond with your partner, warm up, and enjoy the moment.
3. Appreciate, decorate, and celebrate your own and your partner’s bodies. Jewelry, lingerie, feathers, fringe, silk, velvet, massage oil, candlelight–whatever looks good, feels good,
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The Sex Break
June 30, 2006 by NML · 2 Comments
A Sex Break is a half-way house to a Dating Hiatus and obviously, judging by the term, it means abstaining from sex whilst dating for an agreed period. This is great when you can’t do cold turkey, as a self-enforced Sex Break may be able to open your eyes enough to want to go the whole hog and have a dating hiatus or at least change your ways.
The Sex Break means that you either draw out the period of time that elapses before you have sex or just don’t have sex at all and ‘just’ date. This should enable you to have a clearer head and spot the signs of a Mr Unavailable. Sex colours your judgement and messes up your ability to see the wood for the trees. It often places you in the justifying zone, the special place that women go to when they have sex too soon with a guy and clutch at reasons to justify not only sleeping with them, but also why they’re still expending energy on a guy that isn’t living up to the dream.
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Vixen’s Guide to: Catering to Your Man When You are Too Tired for Sex
April 19, 2006 by Vixen · 2 Comments
Sometimes, even the most highly sexual and passionate relationship can head for Slumpville. Either one or both of you is really not into the encounter, or you are sticking to the same monotonous routine that turns sex into a mundane activity that is inane and humdrum instead of thrilling and exciting.
First of all, you have to recognise that you are in the doldrums. Sure, we’re not expecting you to screw like rabbits 24/7 for the rest of your lives but if you haven’t gotten some decent action in a week or two (or more!), then consider this a wake up call. The excuse of having a headache or being too tired might work for a few times but eventually your significant other will start getting turned off and upset by your rejection.
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Please the Kitty Time
April 11, 2006 by NML · Leave a Comment
Baggage Reclaim has partnered with PleaseKitty.com, a new sex toy blog written by women for women. Get news, reviews, commentary and advice from our friends Kitty Kay and Kitty Kat. PleaseKitty and Baggage Reclaim will be sharing content, so look out for a more frequently updated sex toy section on this site, but if you want to keep your finger on the pulse (excuse the pun!), keep updated with PleaseKitty. Meow!
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