Are Contraceptives Bad?

Recently almost 250 people attended a two-day conference titled “Contraception Is Not The Answer” in Rosemont, Ill., hosted by the Pro-Life Action League, the Chicago Tribune reports. My first thought as I skimmed this article was…Whaaaatttt???

Some attendees at the conference planned to say that contraception promotes “sexual promiscuity,” leads to a decrease in birth rates, damages relationships between men and women and “devalues children,” according to the Tribune. Some experts say that opponents of contraception likely will attempt to restrict access to its use by calling for cuts to federal family planning programs and allowing pharmacists to refuse to fill prescriptions to which they have a “conscience” objection, the Tribune reports. Thomas Euteneuer, president of Human Life International, at the conference called for funding to be “tak[en] away” from Planned Parenthood Federation of America for contraception and sex education services, adding that he believes contraception “doesn’t prevent abortions, it causes abortion.

I used to be a total Pro-Lifer, was raised and brought up that way. However, the more I found out about my sexual health, the more I realised that contraception and birth control is essential to EVERY single sexually active woman that isn’t considering having children right now.

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When Sex Becomes Freakier

“There’s something new in bed that I would like us to try,” your lover broaches one evening. With trepidation you listen to his request, knowing that no matter how open-minded you are, there are some things that you will never, EVER do. What do you do when he wants you to do something in the sack that isn’t your cup of tea?

I always operate on the “Try It Once” policy. If I have never tried something, and it doesn’t sound too freaky, I will give it one shot. As in only one, if you mess this up or I don’t like it in any way you will stop immediately and I’m totally crossing it off the list forever and ever don’t ask me ever again!
If I had tried it before and have had a bad experience with it, I’ll articulate this to him. Knowing most guys, he will try to rationalise or allay your fears. “You didn’t try it with me so it doesn’t count. I’ll make it really good,” he might say.

Just keep in mind that your fears are very important and should not be pushed into a corner. You do not have to do something that you don’t want to do. Ever. There is no obligation that automatically comes with the assumption of a relationship. If having a boyfriend comes with all kinds of kinky, freaky strings attached involving animals, bondage or S&M I would rather forgo the boyfriend then give up my attitude. Because sex is supposed to be fun. And if you are doing something that you aren’t enjoying—HELLO, it’s no longer fun!
Be sure to communicate your feelings with him. If it seems like something you might be into, tell him that you will try it or think about it. During this thinking about it phase is when I talk to my girls to see if they have ever done this and what their stories are. Because honestly, I don’t want to learn the hard way that hand-blown glass really does break in one’s vagina.

As in all elements of a relationship, communication in the boudoir is very, very important. If he keeps pressuring you, or won’t let up on it no matter how many times you tell him no, suggest a really freaky idea of your own. I’ve found most guys back off really quickly when I tell them that to trade I have this fantasy of sticking something huge in their nether regions. Heh!

Visit Vixen’s blog The Bad Girls Guide

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Stone Age Dildo

I couldn’t resist writing about this! It seems that women have been in need of some artificial sexual stimulus for many centuries now, which is a comfort to us ‘modern’ women who think that having to get yourself off with the instrument of your choice is something that only us lot have had to do.

Seemingly archaeologists found the 14th (and last piece) of some fragments of siltstone and believe that it’s an early representation of male sexuality…such as a dildo. This stone love was eight inches long and the multitasker (obviously a woman) also used it for shaping flints. There you go ladies…maybe there is a new use for your boyfriend’s appendage!

“At about 8 x1 inches of highly polished inches, the thing is a pleasant size and texture, and its etched markings ‘leave little doubt as to its symbolic nature,’ according to a report on BBC news. ” The article also reports that “its life size suggests it may well have been used as a sex aid by its Ice Age makers”

Persish the thought that there was any ice on this thing…ouch!

Read via Washington Blade Online and World Sex News

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I Want Your Sex - How do we react to ‘just’ sex?

One of the most common issues that we hear about is that in a party of two people, one thinks that they are about to be come loves young dream and embark on a relationship and the other, just thinks they’re getting a shag. Just wanting someone for sex is not just a male behaviour contrary to popular opinion – women are not averse to only wanting a man to take the edge off and satisfy her, rather than his stimulating conversation and glowing personality. But both sexes react to being a ‘shag’ rather differently…

Unfortunately when women are on the receiving end of being someone’s shag, many will still try to twist and turn it in their mind to shine a more positive light on it. I often hear women say ‘I think he’s just after one thing…’ followed by much musings on what they should do and all the wonderful things they think they could have with him if only he would realise how wonderful she is. Newsflash: Once you’re entertaining a discussion about the fact that he just wants you for sex rather than telling him to beat it, you’ve already decided on many levels in your mind to continue to try and forge a semblance of a relationship with this guy regardless. What’s to discuss? If you don’t want to be a ‘shag’ and he’s treating you like one, why not just wash your hands of the situation and walk away?

Unless a guy has got his skills honed down to a tee (a playa), it’s likely that there have been some warning signs that the ‘relationship’ was on the road to nowhere because if the focus of his attention is sex, the emphasis will have been placed on it and it’s likely that you found yourself giving into lust and having sex with them too early. Guys that place the emphasis on sex, don’t want to get to know YOU, they just want to get to know your vagina!

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The Magic Number

The magic number is pretty much the number of people that you’ve slept with from the day you lost your virginity until this present moment. Now according to American Pie, the magic number differs drastically between men and women. They said that guys tend to exaggerate their number (so divide whatever they tell you by 3), while women tend to downplay their number (so multiply by 3). However, in my experience, I’ve actually found this formula to be utterly flawed and totally irrelevant.

For starters, you could have been with only a few people and yet had tons more sex with those few than someone who has slept with more people. You could have had a coterie of activity in your boudoir and yet manage to pull off the wide-eyed naiveté to a tee. He could have slept with over two dozen women, but still manages to suck badly in bed! Do one night stands even count?

Although some of you might be curious to know what the magic number for your significant other is, sometimes it’s better not to know. Why does it even matter? Is it just a way for you to classify their ’sluttiness’ or categorise them in your mind as an experienced lover? Is it going to change how you feel about him, his level of expertise? Is knowing the magic number going to amplify your antics in the bedroom in any way?

My response to that question would have to be, “Bad girls don’t kiss and tell,” with a mysterious smile and leave him wondering.

Vixen is the Deputy Editor of Baggage Reclaim. Check out her blog the Bad Girls Guide.

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How NYM Discovered Great Sex V

The first time I saw “When Harry Met Sally,” I was 17. I hated it. The next time I saw it I was 25. I loved it. It made so much more sense to me after I’d dated a bit. One scene in particular is so important, so spot-on, so relevant, that I think everyone should have to watch it. So, if you’ve seen it, you’ll know what I’m talking about, if you haven’t, go rent it and then re-read this.
It’s the scene in the beginning when Harry and Sally are driving to NYC. They stop off at a diner to eat and they’re discussing the ending of Casablanca. He’s incredulous at the fact that she says Ingrid Bergman’s character did the correct thing in the end. The “practical” thing. He says something like; “You’d rather go off with the President of Czechoslovakia than stay with the man with whom you’ve had the best sex of your life?” Then he says it, “Oh, I understand…you’ve never had great sex.”
THIS IS IT ladies and gents. This is the whole point. Great sex. Not just sex, not just sex where you may or may not have an orgasm, not just good sex. But GREAT sex. The kind of sex that makes you feel so good you want to walk down the street nude. The kind of sex that empties your mind of everything in life except your lovers touch. The kind of sex that makes your body so light that you effortlessly and thoughtlessly walk 50 city blocks back to your apartment the next morning. The kind of sex that you still remember nine years later. The kind of sex that makes you forget everything else around you when you remember it. The kind of sex that you’re compelled to try to find again and again and again once you’ve experienced it. The kind of sex I had with Aaron.

You know what I’m talking about if you’ve ever had it. And if you’ve never had it before, you won’t have a clue. But one thing I know for certain…if you’ve ever had it, you’ll always be looking to find it again. Because you know it’s possible. If you’ve never experienced it and you’ve only ever had bad or mediocre sex you’ll assume it doesn’t exist like Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy. But I’m here to tell you people that it does indeed exist. And I want to find it again every chance I get!

In last week’s column I described my sex life up through college. Between college and moving to NYC there’s not much to tell and what there is to tell belongs in its own separate screenplay. But I digress…

Shortly after moving to NYC, I started on my first dating tear. I dated all kinds of men. And for the first six months I experienced one disappointing sexual experience after another. The most notable being Yanni. A Greek soccer player of average height and of very above average penis size. The first night he stayed over at my place we snogged and messed around and I gave him an A++ blowjob. The chemistry between us was nothing less that electrifying! We didn’t have intercourse because I was still repressed and wouldn’t have sex with a virtual stranger while having my period. So we planned a night out later that week. The anticipation of the sexual experience to come was so exciting. I couldn’t stop thinking about how much chemistry we had while making out and was sure that the sex was going to be mind-blowing. Anyway, the even came and went and the sex sucked. It absolutely sucked. He was a jerk, the chemistry had taken a vacation, and I found the entire development utterly revolting.

That experience coupled with a few other prior experiences had left me utterly hopeless that I would ever have another enjoyable sexual experience and in my mind I actually had resigned myself to having bad sex for the rest of my life. I just thought, “This is how it must be. If most of these guys are rubbish in bed I guess I’ll just have to accept it.”
And it was just at my lowest point of despair that he was sent to me.

Aaron.

YOWZA!!! Just typing his name still sends that familiar tingle to my nether lips. MMMmmmmmmmmm…
My sister was living with me in my studio apartment at the time. And it was one Saturday in late September that my sister and I, looking like total ass in sweatpants, sweatshirts, trainers and no make-up decided to go have a few drinks after checking out the street fair on the next block. Three guys had been helping a friend move up the block from us and they were rewarding themselves with a few beers. We all struck up a conversation, and one in particular fancied me. He was 6’4, thin yet muscular, long legged, blonde, blue-eyed, and with a boyishly handsome face. He was all frat boy and had been the star quarterback at his college.

Whew…all of this talk of Aaron has made me a bit light headed. All of the blood has just rush to my…I’ve got to take care of something right now, so I’ll leave it at that this week. But stay tuned next week to find out what happened on my first date with Aaron.
Also read:

How NYM Discovered Great Sex Part IV

How NYM Discovered Great Sex Part II

How NYM Discovered Great Sex Part I

Check out NYM’s blog

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Freddy Krueger Flashback: Cut Your Nails Guys

I was sitting on the train on the way into work and glanced at the male passenger who was sitting in front of me and caught site of the longest nails that I have EVER seen on a man. As always happens when you see something that you shouldn’t be staring at, my eyes kept being drawn back to his slashers and I clenched and crossed my legs involuntarily. His girlfriend was all over him like a rash and all I kept thinking was 1)I’m surprised you can walk when your boyfriend must be slashing your insides every time you have foreplay, 2) Maybe they don’t have foreplay…3) This woman must be suffering regularly with UTI’s, cystitis and thrush…4)Does he cut up crack cocaine with his finger nails? 5) Have the Metropolitan police considered bringing him in for questioning for any unsolved crimes that involve slash wounds….?

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One Night Stands - To Do, Or Not To Do?

One Night Stands are what I also refer to as Stranger Sex. They occur when you pick up someone (or they pick you up) and you both decide to skip the formalities and get naked despite the fact that you barely know each other. Often someone creeps out in the middle of the night. More likely than not, neither of you see each other ever again.

This type of scenario has proved to be very unattractive to me as I tend to find the whole thing rather soulless. I was never the type that could blame the loss of my faculties on booze so on the couple of occasions that I did engage, even with several drinks in me, I was very aware of what I was doing and how rubbish the whole thing was. Yet I know LOTS of people who have had wild one night stands and thoroughly enjoyed themselves. Now whilst they may be lying and exaggerating the amazing sex because they think it’s what’s expected, it’s more likely that there are people out there who can let loose with a complete stranger for one night only. Read more

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How NYM Discovered Great Sex Part IV

I grew up in a seriously sexually repressed household. Definitely my mother and possibly my father were virgins until they got married. Either way, neither of them had much sexual experience, and whatever they had learned about it was stuff off the street. They both grew up in Catholic households, but my father grew up in one of those freaky fanatic Catholic households. He’s so repressed that even to this day if he sees an attractive woman, he has to put her down. (Yes, I’ve gone to therapy.)

It was ingrained in my head while I was growing up that I could only have sex if I got married. And that any woman who had sex with a man who wasn’t her husband was a disgusting pig slut. One of my family’s notorious family feud’s started because of pre-marital sex. My mother’s brother had moved in with his fiancée before they were married, and one afternoon his fiancée overheard my grandmother telling my uncle that she must not be a “nice girl” because they were living together. There’s been bad blood ever since.

Fast forward to when I was 15 and had my first boyfriend. In total, I ended up dating him on and off for nearly 8 years. For the first two, I would do anything with him BUT have intercourse. Because I was a nice, virginal Catholic girl. I’d suck his dick, let him eat my pussy, let him stick as many fingers as he wanted inside of me, but NO INTERCOURSE. Eventually, of course, we had intercourse when he had gone off to college and I found out he was sleeping with all kinds of other girls. So, I figured that if I let him have sex with me that everything would be OK again. (Yes, I’ve gone to therapy.)
The sex with him was good. Vaginal intercourse. Missionary. Me on top. Him on top. Doggy style. Oral sex. No anal. No touching myself during sex. I had figured out how to have orgasms during oral sex, when I was on top, and occasionally when I was on the bottom. We did it in his frat house, in my dorm room, in the law building, in the arboretum, in the humanities building, in his car, in the park…I thought that I was adventurous! But one day he tried to lick my ass, and I freaked out…
I had my limits. I was still not comfortable exploring. I refused anal sex. I refused any kind on anal play. And I also felt too ashamed to play with my own pussy in front of him. If there was any touching going on, we were going to have to touch each other.
In college I had a few experiences with other guys. I went out on a date with a guy I met at a frat party just to spite my boyfriend because he was still cheating on me. He aptly nicknamed “Moose” because of the extremely large size of his genitalia. When we got back to his place later that night, I slept with him not because I wanted to, but because by that point I had figured out he was sort of psycho and I was afraid what he’d do to me if I didn’t. (Yes, I’ve gone to therapy.) Another guy I slept with who I met at the same frat, who I was crazy about, told me he thought I was a slut because I’d had sex with him.
Wow, this whole history just seems to be taking a turn for the pathetic. Looks like it’s time for me to cue in my plug for next week’s column. I promise it gets better. We’ll meet “Aaron,” the frat boy who walked into a bar and changed my sex life, and we’ll also find out the importance of “When Harry Met Sally.”

How NYM Discovered Great Sex Part IV

How NYM Discovered Great Sex Part II

How NYM Discovered Great Sex Part I

Check out NYM’s blog

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How NYM Discovered Great Sex, Part III

To recap from last week, girls are taught from a young age that they’re not supposed to give in to sexual desires. They’re not supposed to “give it up” to boys nor are they supposed to explore their sexuality through masturbation.

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