If you know he’s an assclown, he’ll always be an assclown. He will not change, you are the one responsible for making a life changing decision for yourself, you deserve more than this guy can give. Don’t short change yourself, because you are hung up on some fantasy of him or how you would like the relationship to be or to work. He doesn’t see it your way, he doesn’t think like you do. Cut the cord now.

Best of luck.

I will look into my local providers asap and try to get to the bottom of this madness!

I believe you would benefit from Psychotherapy.

Rules recommended the 12 step program and Nikki recommended a program for co-dependents-don’t know if this is applicable to you? Have you done any research on the Internet to see who may specialize in this field.

Please tell me, if anyone knows! Do I go to a Clinical Social Worker or a pyschologist or a psychiatrist or what?

Thanks in advance!

He and I never dated, we would go out in big groups or be at parties together, or I would go over to his house for sex, but we never did things as a couple. He never told me he loved me ,etc, as so many other women have experienced here. Made it pretty clear he wasn’t available to one woman exclusively, so it’s not really like I was promised anything.

It was my projections and assumptions that created a lot of the drama. Of course, he DID pursue me very hotly at one time and then have me as flavor of the month kind of situation. And we fought and re-connected many times, with him saying sorry and saying some very deep and loving things about me.

But I am not sure that my experience didn’t say everything about me as an EUW. I just didn’t know I was one.

Hope this is making sense….

I think you can change if you want to address you issues. Why don’t you see someone professionally?

It was a general question, maybe one designed to get a reaction (!) Or maybe it’s rhetorical? I didn’t mean to make it pertain to my EUM. More of a “What would happen if….”

….and thanks ph2072 and BWOH for your answers (and to you, Astelle!) because I think that there is something really so deep about my own emotional unavailability that it’ll never be cured. I just got out of a 22 year marriage (we were separated for 4 years before the divorce became final) and I think there’s just a big old hole in my heart that nobody can fill. My ex was also EU, but I never really realised it, or I didn’t realise that I was, too .By the time we had ignored those feelings, it was too late to fix. We just kind of lead parallel lives and thought that it was the best that marriage could bring. We still get along very well, but that was probably all there was to it in the first place.

I just get scared that I have been forever damaged and if I meet someone nice (though I have zero interest) then I won’t be able to feel anything sincere for them beyond a certain point. It’s really scary ,because I am a loving person.

I think I just don’t trust men anymore and I don’t want to be bitter and twisted, which is why I was posing the hypothetical scenario of what would happen to women like me. CAN I be changed? It seems too massive a hurdle to overcome.

Anyone felt like me and was able to love again?

If you don’t want to change that’s OK. Just realize that your life will continue with EUM’s – assclowns as long you keep up your own EU behavior. Like attracts like, misery loves company, no matter how you slice and dice it you’ll come up empty. I think the emptiness is your responsibility to heal/fix/fill, not someone elses.

And ph2072 is right, you’ll just get in deeper and deeper.

Because somehow or another, he’ll drag you back in deeper. That’s the game they play. They’re clever assclowns.

I am just TOTALLY throwing this out there. Have not contacted (or heard from) my EUM since the “Facebook” debacle, and have NO desire to, but as I don’t want an relship with him anyway (though I have stronger feelings for him than vice-versa) what would be so wrong in responding to him if he contacted? Just to say hi?

Having said that, it usually ends up in a one sided booty call with some nice conversation. Sometimes that is enough for me…or I convince myself it’s worth it, for the nice conversation part, because i DO like talking to him…

Honestly, just musing here. I’m sure lots of therapy is in order.

But if neither of us wants anything (I’m CERTAINLY not ready for a relationship with ANYONE and feel I might never be) then why isn’t it okay to stay in touch?

I can identify with a lot of what Karen wrote in her post above. This relationship was my first (and my last) with an EUM. I started to doubt myself and feel insecure because he wasn’t treating me right. Did I do something wrong? I’d never had this happen to me before, so maybe it was me. Now I know better.

Just because my EUM doesn’t not love me doesn’t mean that I am unloveable.

Just because he does not value me does not mean that I am worthless.

Just because he did not want me doesn’t mean that no one else will.

I had to keep saying this to myself over and over so as not to become stuck in a swamp of insecurity and self-loathing. I reminded myself of the healthy relationships that I have had over the years with my family, friends and other men. I have forgiven myself for making the mistake of staying with Twatman for so long. But I will never forget how he treated me and how I felt. I will never tolerate rubbish under the guise of love again. Ever.