Comments on: Coping With and Moving On After a Break Up Commandment 6: Thou shalt understand WHY and do something with the knowledge http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/coping-with-and-moving-on-after-a-break-up-commandment-6-thou-shalt-understand-why-and-do-something-with-the-knowledge/ Getting you savvy, smart, sussed and sexy about dating and relationships. Wed, 07 Jan 2009 20:19:15 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.2 By: lisaq http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/coping-with-and-moving-on-after-a-break-up-commandment-6-thou-shalt-understand-why-and-do-something-with-the-knowledge/#comment-159823 lisaq Thu, 05 Jun 2008 11:58:41 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/coping-with-and-moving-on-after-a-break-up-commandment-5-thou-shalt-understand-why-and-do-something-with-the-knowledge/#comment-159823 You know what they say about the definition of insanity right? It's repeating the same behaviors over and over expecting a different result. And yet, somehow we manage to keep attracting the same assclowns over and over because we don't take the time to learn from the assclown before. I have been so guilty of this in the past bouncing from one relationship to the next without so much as a breath in between. I never took the time to heal and to figure out what the hell happened and then learn and grow from it. I've gritched often about being single as long as I have and yet I know that it is the single best thing that could have happened to me. I needed the time to learn and grow and break the patterns that kept me in relationships with my mother. Yep, drama mama was my biggest trigger and I chose men just like her trying to get from them what I never got from her. Thank Jesus that's over! You know what they say about the definition of insanity right? It’s repeating the same behaviors over and over expecting a different result. And yet, somehow we manage to keep attracting the same assclowns over and over because we don’t take the time to learn from the assclown before.

I have been so guilty of this in the past bouncing from one relationship to the next without so much as a breath in between. I never took the time to heal and to figure out what the hell happened and then learn and grow from it.

I’ve gritched often about being single as long as I have and yet I know that it is the single best thing that could have happened to me. I needed the time to learn and grow and break the patterns that kept me in relationships with my mother. Yep, drama mama was my biggest trigger and I chose men just like her trying to get from them what I never got from her. Thank Jesus that’s over!

]]> By: Kim http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/coping-with-and-moving-on-after-a-break-up-commandment-6-thou-shalt-understand-why-and-do-something-with-the-knowledge/#comment-159646 Kim Tue, 03 Jun 2008 21:10:17 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/coping-with-and-moving-on-after-a-break-up-commandment-5-thou-shalt-understand-why-and-do-something-with-the-knowledge/#comment-159646 NML - great post! I think us finding our underlying motivation is crucial here & it will be different for each one of us as we have all had different experiences. Life is not perfect. If it were we would not be a prozac nation! So what if we may not realize it is a poor relationship to begin with based on what we have to compare it to? My EUM said & did things that my ex-husband never thought about. I had no realtionship with my ex-husband., none of the same interests, no physical attraction. I have tried to take the lessons in my life, learn from them & change for the better. I married my ex young & for the wrong reasons. He was a rebound from my EUM. I went into this last relationship not wanting to repeat patterns from my failed marriage as I admitted & understood what I did to contribute to the demise of it. I know it takes 2 to make it work & fail. That is the hardest part. At my age I'm supposed to know by now. I thought I was older & wiser & this last relationship had a huge chance of working not only because of the knowledge I now had but because of the history I had with this person. We had things that I never had in my marriage. Compatibility, attraction, chemistry, religion, friendship, similar family backgrounds. It was everything my marriage wasn't . For me I didn't realize it was a poor relationship THAT is part of the problem. Maybe that is the key here - I didn't have much to compare it to so on the outside it seemed great. That coupled with wanting a relationship so much after all I had been thru but not with just anyone, believing in the dream, taking in all of the attention & flattery. It was the rest of it I didn't understand . Trying to decipher what felt like love, flattery & attention with the withdrawing, ego stroking & selfishness. I didn't understand the flags or what to do with them. So now I do. Back to therapy! Thx for enlightening me! NML - great post! I think us finding our underlying motivation is crucial here & it will be different for each one of us as we have all had different experiences. Life is not perfect. If it were we would not be a prozac nation! So what if we may not realize it is a poor relationship to begin with based on what we have to compare it to? My EUM said & did things that my ex-husband never thought about. I had no realtionship with my ex-husband., none of the same interests, no physical attraction. I have tried to take the lessons in my life, learn from them & change for the better. I married my ex young & for the wrong reasons. He was a rebound from my EUM. I went into this last relationship not wanting to repeat patterns from my failed marriage as I admitted & understood what I did to contribute to the demise of it. I know it takes 2 to make it work & fail. That is the hardest part. At my age I’m supposed to know by now. I thought I was older & wiser & this last relationship had a huge chance of working not only because of the knowledge I now had but because of the history I had with this person. We had things that I never had in my marriage. Compatibility, attraction, chemistry, religion, friendship, similar family backgrounds. It was everything my marriage wasn’t . For me I didn’t realize it was a poor relationship THAT is part of the problem. Maybe that is the key here - I didn’t have much to compare it to so on the outside it seemed great. That coupled with wanting a relationship so much after all I had been thru but not with just anyone, believing in the dream, taking in all of the attention & flattery. It was the rest of it I didn’t understand . Trying to decipher what felt like love, flattery & attention with the withdrawing, ego stroking & selfishness. I didn’t understand the flags or what to do with them. So now I do. Back to therapy! Thx for enlightening me!

]]> By: Eathan White http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/coping-with-and-moving-on-after-a-break-up-commandment-6-thou-shalt-understand-why-and-do-something-with-the-knowledge/#comment-159616 Eathan White Tue, 03 Jun 2008 17:17:15 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/coping-with-and-moving-on-after-a-break-up-commandment-5-thou-shalt-understand-why-and-do-something-with-the-knowledge/#comment-159616 I couldn't agree more. If you don't like the results.. change what you're doing. With out change we/you will get the same results over and over again. We can't change the past..but we control out future and destiny by what we are doing right now! I couldn’t agree more. If you don’t like the results.. change what you’re doing. With out change we/you will get the same results over and over again. We can’t change the past..but we control out future and destiny by what we are doing right now!

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