I’ve applied the NC rule for about a month with a guy I worked with and truthfully, the NC rule helped me to adjust my perspective and focus him as he is. We’re tied together for a few projects and previously since we’re romantically involved, I let him get away with a lot of things and he wasn’t putting sufficient effort to get things done.

Now, since he’s no longer on the pedestal, I began to call him out on his various inefficiencies since it’s affecting my part of the job. At one point, I have to raise the fact to his superiors on his inefficiencies and refused to have him report to me anymore and instead will request for updates from his colleagues instead.

Latest update from his colleague was he has been instructed to complete whatever outstanding projects he’s doing with my department as soon as possible and once that is done, he will be shifted to a different portfolio.

I think having the NC rule cancels out whatever emotion I have for him and allows me to see him in the proper light at work instead of covering up for him and giving excuses on his behalf, all in the foolish name of love.

I am no longer affected by his presence and I’m glad to say I have no regrets for doing this as it helps me to focus more on improving myself. Thank you NML!

this is probably about the fifth time he has told me he must stop seeing me. this time it’s lasted over a month since we were ‘together’ and i think this time its really finished. i am slowly beginning to realise, that i may have to admit, that i have fallen in love with him.

i am trying so hard not to chase him but i miss him so much. its a real, physical pain. i can feel HIM doing the no contact thing with me and it is breaking my heart. i was so happy all the times we spent together and now i am so miserable. i have days where i just want to cry. i have days where i think i’m going to be strong and play it cool and do the no contact thing, but i am just so miserable without any contact from him.

and he is JUST like the man in the yoyo girl article. sometimes he ‘plays dead’ and completely blanks me (no contact strategy) and some times he drops little flirty hints. hot and cold. switch on – swtich off.

at work we work in the same office. i hear him in the room behind me or meet in him a corridor and its just unbearable. i never wanted it to get this far. i never wanted to fall in love with him and certainly didnt want him to leave his family. so why am i hurting so much and what can i do?

I thought as the weeks went on it would get easier but it seems to be getting more painful. i have to hide my emotions 24 hours a day. from him in the office and from my partner at home. i have created hell for myself. most people will say it serves me right. but it was SO good. i couldnt stop it. now i am really paying. please, can anyone help me?

we lost touch for about 15 years then reconnected last march thru an alumni website. he hadn’t changed much (with the gushiness and all) but i agreed to date him on the pretense that this was someone i knew, maybe he did mean what he said back then just had a corny/dramatic way of expressing himself, etc.

well, without exhuming all the dramatic details, he was EU to the max. we dated for about two months (would likely have been shorter if we lived in the same city) before i broke up with him. i didn’t see/talk to him for over a month when i was in the city where he lives. we met, had dinner and before long he tried (hard) to get me to come home with him. i refused explaining that it was his EUness hadn’t changed, reminded him that he didn’t treat me well hence the breakup, so re-dating him would just be more of the same..and why would i want that?

to his shock (he’s still gorgeous plus now he’s famous), i insisted on staying with a girlfriend instead of going home with him. his attempts to persuade me were kindof flattering but the more he tried, the more turned OFF i became; it was clear he was not interested in discussing/resolving any of the issues that lead to the break up (as was the case when we were dating) and his insistence on getting me into bed with him was irritating and offensive. it felt great to walk away.

here’s the current issue. he recently found me on facebook and after a few days i accepted his ‘friendship.’ my rationale being that even though i don’t want to date him, he is extremely well connected to folks that can help me in my career. i don’t call/email/text him/engage with him at all but am wondering do i keep that line open for the other contacts that might find me thru him or do i faceslam him for good, possibly biting off my own nose to spite my face…?

i have a feeling that he wants to be my virtual friend just to keep tabs on me even though he’s not actually calling/emailing and that is giving me a twinge of discomfort b/c it feels a bit like nosiness..control.

would love an objective opinion…

I was absolutely seduced, enraptured and so in love with a co-worker. Stupid happy…But it was a one sided love affair. Those tugs at the gut, the pinch of the heart …knowing he convinced you to keep personal business private was not just for professional integrity. It was for the other potential targets in the office…We all didn’t know that such a “Nice Guy” was such a lothario. EEEEW…As a woman it crushes, as a professional…It could burn. Now that the relationship has cooled and he’s onto the next cutie…He’s not as engaged professionally which makes it all the more obvious in the office…And not a word was said.

Falling in love is beautiful, doing it at work? Impractical and bound for disruption on some level. BEWARE.

I used it at a club once. This guy asked me if I wanted to dance, and instead of saying, “no, I’m going to the bathroom,” or “no, I’m going to get another drink,” or “no, I have a boyfriend,” I just said, “No.” Instead of saying he’d wait for me, or buy my drink, or I could do better, he looked shocked for five seconds and then walked away.

Problem solved.

Then – turn it to be all about you and your life. His hold on you will start to fade as you find joy in other areas of your life.

Of course, my experiences make it easier to do this because both of my exes are not coming ’round any longer. One simply can’t stand me. (This is because I tired of his ways and emotional unavailability and took him off his throne. He hates the fact he gets no more flirtatious attention from me, and well – hates me now. Loser. We also HAVE to work together so – it’s all business all the time. Rather uncomfortable – I’ll think long and hard about any future office liasions). The first ex – well – he took a very long time to get over. But – he’s also fair with me now. He’s honest with me and doesn’t try to use me for his own selfish reasons. Somehow – something happened and I now see him for what he is – and what he cannot offer me – and I am fine just walking away.

Are we friends? No. We have too much of a history to be true friends. But – it was what it was – and – it’s over and I’m focusing on me now.

So – in short – sorry to ramble – first – ignore him. Then – as you feel stronger – just focus on you – you’ll forget that you were once focused on ignoring him because you will be happier with your own life.

I’ve found that it’s hardest for me to keep from making snarky comments about him and the new relationship he has with yet another colleague to myself. But I’m trying my best. I’ll just keep trying to repeat to myself and others, “yes, that does seem strange, but I don’t know anything about it; it’s not my business, and if you’re curious, you should be asking HIM not ME.”

But it is true that it’s much easier to put these feelings away when you don’t have the constant reminder!

This guy at work chased me for over a year and I finally relented. Initially he was all over me and said he really enjoyed being in a relationship with me. That is, until I told him I was a few years older than him. Despite getting on really well, he immediately cooled off and suggested we should be FBs, finally deciding we should just be friends.

He was very keen on maintaining this ‘friendship’ but at that point I decided to cut things off completely. This was before I even read this article and I’m so pleased I got something right!!

It’s the only thing to do, and I completely agree with all of the points in this article. If you want to maintain your integrity and professionalism you have to distance yourself as much as possible. Staying friends will only add fodder to the gossip machine and undermine your credibility.

I guess the old adage is true: don’t sh*t where you eat. Hey, hindsight is a great thing, and for a lot of people, workplace relationships do work out. But if it’s ended badly, I would say follow NML’s advice!!