Comments on: Coping with feeling rejected by Mr Unavailables & Assclowns Part Three

By: Cindy

Cindy — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 20:03:41 +0000

For a few moments, I could FEEL what it would be like to have the type of relationship with love, care, trust and respect because of this article and for the first time in a long time; it was like I got a glimpse of how a healthy relationship would feel like – something my ex-EUM could never give. And how I would look back at the ex-EUM and he would FINALLY pale in comparison. Wow! It looks like I reached a point where I am beginning to move on in my life! Thank you, Natalie!!

By: Lisa

Lisa — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 17:29:22 +0000

Natalie as usual your posts are spot on! While I blog about how to de-code the games and NOT take it personal, your blog takes it a step further to really help us figure out what is happening internally that has allowed these relationships in the first place. I really applaud your insight and ability to do this without making women feel even worse, ie-you are co-dependant period and there is something wrong and defective in you, which further adds to the pain-and that I’ve seen all over the web.

I remember a girlfriend of mine in a horrible relationship who said “I know that this guy is a total loser, and went on to point out why (and she was right.) She went on to say “But he’s rejecting me! This loser is rejecting ME, so, what does that make ME?”

And I just shrugged and said to her, “Lucky.”

She’s not with him anymore!

By: JJ

JJ — Wed, 19 May 2010 04:00:58 +0000

@ USED

Yea you are right on that. Free perks(free last name) cause really when we have babies by these ass clowns that is really all we are giving them. Thank God my ex ass clown didn’t drop one off in me! Like I keep saying; I am no longer on sale. I am worth way more than what I have been settling for. I am done with ass clowns; EUM’s and Narcissts men!! Done!!

By: Leia

Leia — Wed, 19 May 2010 00:07:42 +0000

This site has been rewarding in so many ways but i still wonder that if i had not cheated in the first place that maybe things would’ve been different. The reason why i did was because he was in jail for eight months even before he went into jail he was constantly making promises to help pay for rent and bills which he never did. It was a constant struggle to just get him to do anything responsible. On that note, he was constantly in trouble with the law. He had also hit me in which the reason why he got put into jail was because of me but also because of him not being able to keep up with his probation. Two years later and now im facing bankruptcy we have finally cut our ties. I cut them because even though we were on and off he keeps throwing things back in my face about what I did. He keeps telling me that its my fault for the reason why he is talking to another woman right now. I HATE FACEBOOK JUST FOR THIS!! He believes that I was leading a double life towards the end of our relationship but in fact i wasn’t. He doesn’t want me to have guy friends yet I just looked on his and he is trying to get at this girl that even looks like me. Im wondering if he misses me im wondering is she giving him something that I didnt. Im wondering why i commited so much time into something that he never saw that he truly hurt me and thats the reasons why i did what i did. am i the one thats truly the reason for making this relationship not work? This hurts so much that i cant even think about dating another guy even looking at another guy without feeling that bitterness and rejection yet he is getting comment after comment from this girl who flaunts her body all over facebook. I feel so alone and i feel like ill never heal.

By: Used

Used — Mon, 03 May 2010 21:41:25 +0000

JJ–
Your friend should change the last name of the kids to HER last name. He doesn’t deserve to have: 1. a decent woman give HER child HIS sorry-ass name; and 2. his genetic material propagated AND his last name, too–too much of a HUGE windfall for him then…not to mention now already!

Ain’t it nice to be a loser man? You can get ALL the perks PLUS your last name and genes being passed on…for FREE! AND you get to see a lot of women, too! Imagine what the winner guys get! Maybe a hotter babe. Maybe one with a degree or two, too, and some money from the folks. But then she ages, too; doesn’t she? As he gets to know her, her faults–even if minor–become known; don’t they? Then the mistress comes in. And, of course, it’s always the wife’s fault; right!

Yes, VERY nice to be a man these days. The women’s movement and birth control did a LOT for us; didn’t they! When kids aren’t born, they get the free sex! When they are, they get their last name and genes to go on! And women still do most of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.–PLUS bring in money these days!

And then women spend hours agonizing over idiots who looked good only at the beginning.

All’s I know is, birds of a feather flock together. AND I have been hanging with too too many EUMs in my life. People, when you do this, it takes a LOT of energy, strength, etc. to hang with NORMAL people. I don’t think that I have ever known, until now, recently, what normal people are.

And, with the way the world works these days, these types of people are multiplying like flies! (Or toxic vampire bats!)

By: JJ

JJ — Mon, 03 May 2010 21:31:38 +0000

I take that back it was actually his 4th child by the time he got my best friend pregnant and now she suspects that there is a fifth child by another female as well. I tell ya.. these men can have children all over the place and you think you may know but you have no IDEA!!

By: JJ

JJ — Mon, 03 May 2010 21:19:47 +0000

HRTBRKN

10 years is a long time to be in a relationship and he moves on to be with someone else. Its especially terrible if you weren’t married for 10 years but just in a relationship. I don’t think people stay in relationships for 10 years without getting married altough it really wouldn’t make it any better if you were married for 10 years and he left cause marriage doesn’t hold a relationship together. I think if he’s not the right person then he just isn’t. Sometimes we stay for years because we become accepting of what we are receiving when its never God’s best for us. My best friend just got out of an 8 year relationship with her beau. Had a baby by him this being his 3rd child because he was separated when they had met but not yet divorced. After he finally got that divorce she had high hopes that he was going to marry her. Not to mention he moved in with her; she helped him to be the man that he was.. and after he got on his feet and started and knew that her plans for marriage were becoming way more serious than he anticipated he BOUNCED!!! Just a run through.. He has three kids already prior to their getting married; he gets my best friend pregnant all before his divorce is even final.. A year or two later its now final…. by this time he has moved in with my best friend; she anticipates just because she has #1. Had his child #2. Moved him in to her new home(he’s gets all the freebies; perks that he wants) #3 She has helped him on his feet and the final RESULT….. DISASTER… They were together in a relationship for 8 years!!! He didn’t stay with his first wife. and 3 kids… so what would make him behave differently? (Everything until she started giving him serious ultimatums that she wanted marriage) He made a run for it… And can’t even pay child support the way he’s suppose to and that’s all that he owes her at this point.. He got a free ride; her perks; free rent; and all she got was a child out of it. A child that has a dead beat as a father.

By: Olivia

Olivia — Mon, 03 May 2010 21:00:56 +0000

In response to your comment I am not going to tell you to stop obsessing and think about yourself etc etc. That is true but this is clearly not the cliches you need right now. I think that you are right in not wanting another relationship straight away as this might lead to more hurt as you are clearly not recovered from heartache. I know how you are feeling, the obsession, the what ifs and the crying at home alone, trapped in the misery of rejection. However you, I and others like us cannot let these feelings swallow us whole as the only outcome down that route I’m afraid to say is a padded cell or suicide.
My advice is to take each day at a time. Set yourself little goals. Eg : Today I am going to go for a long walk/take some excercise (endorphines will be produced, guaranteed to make you feel a bit better!) Or why not have a long chat with a good friend, listen to some good music, achieve a goal at work, do something new such as a hobby. All these small things will evantually create one whole and you may realise you are in a better place. After heartache, paticularly after a nasty breakup with an EUM we will never be the same and cannot expect to be so. We can only piece ourselves together again withdrawing bits of our old selves before we met them and our experiences with the EUM which will make our new self. One that is stronger and wiser.

By: Hrtbrkn

Hrtbrkn — Mon, 03 May 2010 20:19:52 +0000

I think I am the poster child for this blog. I can’t help but feel as though it IS about me, especially if after our 10 yr relationship, he leaves me for one of the “other” women and he and she are successful and he does give her what she “expects” and all those things that were supposedly being rejected by him when he was with me, all of the sudden have appeal because of her and his desire to make her happy. What was I doing wrong that he did not have that same desire or what is she doing right that he has that desire? I just can’t seem to get past this and in spite of the advice that my obsessing is hurting me and not allowing me to move on, i still cannot seem to do it. Honestly, the only thing i want right now is to stop hurting and crying everyday, I have no desire to find a “healthy” relationship, I don’t want any relationship and feel okay with being alone, but I just don’t want to continue to feel, I just don’t want to feel at all. I don’t “fear” perpetuating involving myself in a bad relationship at all as I don’t want a relationship to begin with.

By: JJ

JJ — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 19:35:02 +0000

My ex tried to use me up… the only difference is that we were not living together… WIse up and wake up ladies is all I can say..

By: JJ

JJ — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 19:32:22 +0000

I agree with PUSHING THRU…. SIANNA you need to put his ass out… AND its not your responsibility to worry about whether he’ll have a place to go. Did it ever occur to you that he is only there as a convenience? You state that you are paying the majority of the bills.. WAKE UP!! He is only sticking around because you allow him to and the longer you allow him to the longer he will use you up physically; emotionally; until you have nothing left… And then he will be on to the next best thing…HIS NEXT VICTIM.. let him go…

By: Pushing.Thru

Pushing.Thru — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 17:05:25 +0000

@ SIANNA,
There is wayyy too much drama going on here.. and physically abusive?? There should be major red flags going off!
How could you possibly open yourself up to counseling and/or self-help books when you are living with this monster who is beating you to a pulp physically and emotionally .
Get out FAST. Stop worrying about what will happen to him, or where he’ll go.
For your own sanity – you need to leave… get a good therapist and really open your heart to begin the process of healing… it sounds like it will take a while…
Much luck.

By: JJ2

JJ2 — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 14:50:32 +0000

My EUM didn’t pull a “disappearing” act or cheat on me or anything. But once I started hanging out at his house, he treated me like a roommate. He went his way and expected me to go mine. Except we did have dinner together, but even that was a joke. When I wanted “us time,” he acted like I was being “too needy” and needed to “get a life.” When I wanted to “talk about something” he would get angry. And, when I would say that I had seen no change in a previous issue we discussed, he accused me of “not letting go of something.” And when I told him that he had unresolved issues with the ex, he accused ME of needing the counseling.

having to communicate – he didn’t want to
having to be emotionally available – he didn’t want to
having to empathise – he didn’t want to
having to recognise someone’s needs other than their own – didn’t want to
having to be expected or needed – didn’t want to
having to deliver on the words that come out of their mouths – BOY THIS WAS A BIGGIE! He would say, “we should do X” and then never make it happen.
having to make an effort – NO EFFORT was made, even though he claimed he was making an effort. I guess the fact that he provided the house was, to him, an “effort.” He didn’t have a clue as to what “effort” was.

By: christy B

christy B — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 11:13:09 +0000

I think this is the most healing information I’ve ever read.. I go back to it repeatedly to remind myself.. I’ve passed on the website to others. You are heaven-sent.

By: Gayle

Gayle — Sat, 20 Mar 2010 13:41:22 +0000

I think you have to ask yourself, why do you care what this guy thinks about you? He’s treated you badly and you still continue to be nice to him? This site is about empowering ourselves and doing what is in our best interest, if you need to communicate, it should only be about work-related. Period!
By the way, someone that requires such reenforcement regarding their appearance is very insecure.
Brittany, it’s time to think about yourself and stop apologizing , remember how he treated you.