CSI: Cum Scene Investigation
October 30, 2005 by NML
Call me childish, but I was howling with laughter reading about this product on Infidelity Today. The world gets stranger every day because there is a sperm testing kit which will enable a guy to test for sperm in the woman’s knickers, which apparently proves that she’s been doing someone else.
“After sexual intercourse women experience a condition commonly referred to as “flowback.” This flowback results in dried semen stains in her underwear that can quickly and easily be identified with CheckMate.
The Infidelity Test Kit is a conclusive non destructive test that detects the semen itself. Yes or no results are obtained immediately. Normal vaginal secretions will not affect the test. “
Say what? It seems to me that if you’re going to the trouble of rifling in a womans knickers testing for sperm, it might be best if the two of you have a chat and decide whether the two of you are meant to be.
Lets say I have sex with my boyfriend (an imaginery one at this particular moment in time!) and then I shower, head off to work and have a bit of this ‘flow back’ they refer to? Now throw in my imaginery boyfriend who has been moaning about the male colleague that I work on projects with and keeps saying that he thinks that somethings going on when it’s not. What if he decides to play CSI and investigate my knickers when I get home?
And yes, there is a male version of the product but naturally there is a lot of technicality surrounding the determining of whether he is bonking someone else….
“ Say for example you discover one small localized stain at the bottom of the underwear. This may indicate dripping after masturbation. But, if you happen to find a stain in the upper waist band area of the underwear, this would more than likely indicate he was at least semi erect, and may have pulled his pants back up quickly after ejaculating. Semen stains in the waistband area of the undergarment are usually accompanied by several other semen stains that were deposited in various locations as the erection subsided, as well as a fairly large stain at the bottom.”
I am frightened by the technicality involved in this sperm debacle. Angle, position, presumed state of erection - If I was inquisitive enough to do something like this, I think I’d have to put on a ridiculous wig and a mac so that I could be incognito!
Well for $49.95 you can buy the equivalent of a Jerry Springer episode in a box and stage your own show down. English people should avoid paying the whopping £49.95 and find a US site that ships internationally. I still think it’s nuts, but each to their own!
Read via Don’t Date Him Girl
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