Date Scene Investigation (DSI): Even bad dating is a crime now

May 26, 2006 by Annie Dennison

dsi bookcover The suspiciously-attractive sexpert and New York Times bestselling author Ian Kerner, Ph.D., has done the unimaginable: he’s written a handbook on dating and relationships, and I actually think it’s kind of clever.

Date Scene Investigation: DSI is clever, in part, because it spins off of one of my favorite TV shows, CSI (Crime Scene Investigation). Since I’m a sucker for anything forensic, I was amused by the book’s concept of a DSI team (offshoot of the FBI, Federal Bureau of Intimacy) using “dating forensics” to analyze love life crimes and disorders.The “criminals” in this book — men and women — do things like get lazy about romancing, stay hung up on an ex, get involved with someone who’s married, fail to commit, mis-handle love in the workplace, get distracted by too much porn, or just plain disappear from relationships.

What I found especially clever is the way the book’s “case studies” portray women and men as equal partners in crimes of love. Kerner’s got to know that women buy the majority of dating and relationship books, but he wasn’t about to portray men as the only bad guys. So he ends up poking fun at both genders.

Okay, so maybe he pokes a little more fun at men than at women, judging from a few of the labels he uses liberally to describe men:ARSE: Anti-Relationship Suspect Examinee

FOCCed UP: Fear of Commitment Compounded by Underlying Pressures

MARS: Male Anti-Relationship Syndrome (Explaining why Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus…)Kerner also points out how men are damned if they do, and damned if they don’t. As in, men who reveal their sensitive, communicative, well-groomed side — and aren’t sexually-aggressive — are at risk of being perceived by women as dangerously MOD, or Metrosexualis Over-Dosius. Translation: they just aren’t “manly” enough.

But, manly-man men who reveal their more basic, minimally-communicative, ungroomed side — and are guilty of SOUR (Sock Odor Undesirable Reading) — are at risk of being perceived by women as unrefined and brutish. Translation: not “prince charming” enough.

And speaking of smelly socks and other general complaints women have about men’s grooming and clothing sense, Kerner makes the valid point that men aren’t the only ones guilty of forming attractions to potential mates based on visuals:

…a man could spot a gorgeous girl sitting in the center of a garbage dump and fall instantly in love without bothering to inquire how she got there.…a messy apartment, less-than-stellar hygiene, a shabby hole-in-the-wall restaurant, and/or a cheap motel, can all put a woman out of the mood. Not necessarily so with a man.There’s some truth to this, don’t you think?

The bottom line is that Date Scene Investigation: DSI is a good mix of information and light reading entertainment. And I’m adding it to my Dr. Annie Most-Recommended Books List. Keep an eye out at Baggage Reclaim for my upcoming reviews of two of Ian Kerner’s how-to books on sex, She Comes First, and He Comes Next.

Annie Dennison, Ph.D., is a dating adviser, psychologist, and writer. Her blog, www.smartatlove.com, provides a steady stream of practical love life advice to smart women. She lives in Southern California, and is happily married to an Englishman with nice sideburns.