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	<title>Comments on: Dating Reflections of Your Mother P3</title>
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	<link>http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/dating-reflections-of-your-mother-part-3/</link>
	<description>Self Esteem&#124;Dating&#124;Relationships&#124;Emotional Unavailability&#124;Commitment&#124;</description>
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		<title>By: trinity</title>
		<link>http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/dating-reflections-of-your-mother-part-3/comment-page-1/#comment-275489</link>
		<dc:creator>trinity</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Thu, 29 Jul 2010 04:10:11 +0000</pubDate>
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		<description>I would have to agree with C, the scars from a mother seem to run far deeper. Is it because she is suppose to be nurturer?, the one you really bond with? Id say so and many other things.
My x had some terrible issues with his mother and they have left some big scars on him.
This whole mother topic has been very intersting and real eye opener for me also. I to believed my dad or fairly absent dad was the issue, not so, its mum.
But knowing and being aware is part of the repairing.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I would have to agree with C, the scars from a mother seem to run far deeper. Is it because she is suppose to be nurturer?, the one you really bond with? Id say so and many other things.<br />
My x had some terrible issues with his mother and they have left some big scars on him.<br />
This whole mother topic has been very intersting and real eye opener for me also. I to believed my dad or fairly absent dad was the issue, not so, its mum.<br />
But knowing and being aware is part of the repairing.</p>
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		<title>By: Aurora</title>
		<link>http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/dating-reflections-of-your-mother-part-3/comment-page-1/#comment-275348</link>
		<dc:creator>Aurora</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 28 Jul 2010 16:50:58 +0000</pubDate>
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		<description>Cares Too Much -- you&#039;ve been through a lot, and it seems we had to learn many of the same lessons and in the same gradual onion-peeling way.
Thank goodness for NML and the posts she writes that help us open our eyes to the inner work that heals and balances past damages so we are healthier/sturdier,and  can love ourselves better than we were loved by family.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Cares Too Much &#8212; you&#8217;ve been through a lot, and it seems we had to learn many of the same lessons and in the same gradual onion-peeling way.<br />
Thank goodness for NML and the posts she writes that help us open our eyes to the inner work that heals and balances past damages so we are healthier/sturdier,and  can love ourselves better than we were loved by family.</p>
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		<title>By: Dawn</title>
		<link>http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/dating-reflections-of-your-mother-part-3/comment-page-1/#comment-275187</link>
		<dc:creator>Dawn</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 28 Jul 2010 00:45:15 +0000</pubDate>
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		<description>thanks for the thought provoking article natalie-keep em coming.  Articles like this are exactly what we all need to put the focus back on us and off the relationships with EU&#039;s.  That serves to help us all grow the most.  It helps us get to the bottom of why we choose these types of men so we can do better at avoiding them in the future.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>thanks for the thought provoking article natalie-keep em coming.  Articles like this are exactly what we all need to put the focus back on us and off the relationships with EU&#8217;s.  That serves to help us all grow the most.  It helps us get to the bottom of why we choose these types of men so we can do better at avoiding them in the future.</p>
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		<title>By: Dawn</title>
		<link>http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/dating-reflections-of-your-mother-part-3/comment-page-1/#comment-275180</link>
		<dc:creator>Dawn</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 28 Jul 2010 00:30:31 +0000</pubDate>
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		<description>@ Brand new day-love your name!  Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts it&#039;s helped me look into my own life and understand much more about my past.  Learning about boundaries and how to set them doesn&#039;t happen in so many families.  Not being able to turn to your family out of fear or shame as a child is the worst feeling.  It&#039;s a wonderful blessing that we can learn what we didn&#039;t when we where children and shed that shame and fear.  

@ Eve 
It was an unwritten and unspoken rule in my family that you tolerated verbal and physical abuse from family members and where just expected to continue to interact with them anyway.  Keep giving them chance after chance.  And keep trying to do things that will make them like you and treat you differently. Only to be disappointed again and again and hurt over and over.  till finally you wake up one day and say -it&#039;s not my fault he acts like this and I don&#039;t have to expose myself to abuse just because it&#039;s family.   It&#039;s so dysfunctional and unfortunaltely it is still the way my family is to this day. I am just supposed to forgive and forget and keep putting up with their continued bad behavior and disrespect  just because they are family that i am supposed to sacrafice myself for them.  How do you continue to have a relationship with someone who abused you in the past physically and verbally as a child, and when you interact with them as adults they still are verbally abusive and disrespectful to you???? I haven&#039;t been able to do it i&#039;ll tell you that.  I no longer talk to him anymore after attempt after attempt -he&#039;s still the same as he always was and I will no longer expose myself to that.  My mother continues to tolerate the way he his even though it causes her mental pain and breaks her heart-but facing another loss of a person in her life is something that mentally she thinks would destroy her and makes her feel as though it&#039;s her fault that he treats her like this.  This type of situation set me up for tolerating the same stuff with men and friends because it was what I was used to growing up and didnt know any better.  Now I do.  Thank God. thank you for the website-very interesting.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>@ Brand new day-love your name!  Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts it&#8217;s helped me look into my own life and understand much more about my past.  Learning about boundaries and how to set them doesn&#8217;t happen in so many families.  Not being able to turn to your family out of fear or shame as a child is the worst feeling.  It&#8217;s a wonderful blessing that we can learn what we didn&#8217;t when we where children and shed that shame and fear.  </p>
<p>@ Eve<br />
It was an unwritten and unspoken rule in my family that you tolerated verbal and physical abuse from family members and where just expected to continue to interact with them anyway.  Keep giving them chance after chance.  And keep trying to do things that will make them like you and treat you differently. Only to be disappointed again and again and hurt over and over.  till finally you wake up one day and say -it&#8217;s not my fault he acts like this and I don&#8217;t have to expose myself to abuse just because it&#8217;s family.   It&#8217;s so dysfunctional and unfortunaltely it is still the way my family is to this day. I am just supposed to forgive and forget and keep putting up with their continued bad behavior and disrespect  just because they are family that i am supposed to sacrafice myself for them.  How do you continue to have a relationship with someone who abused you in the past physically and verbally as a child, and when you interact with them as adults they still are verbally abusive and disrespectful to you???? I haven&#8217;t been able to do it i&#8217;ll tell you that.  I no longer talk to him anymore after attempt after attempt -he&#8217;s still the same as he always was and I will no longer expose myself to that.  My mother continues to tolerate the way he his even though it causes her mental pain and breaks her heart-but facing another loss of a person in her life is something that mentally she thinks would destroy her and makes her feel as though it&#8217;s her fault that he treats her like this.  This type of situation set me up for tolerating the same stuff with men and friends because it was what I was used to growing up and didnt know any better.  Now I do.  Thank God. thank you for the website-very interesting.</p>
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		<title>By: ph2072</title>
		<link>http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/dating-reflections-of-your-mother-part-3/comment-page-1/#comment-275130</link>
		<dc:creator>ph2072</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 27 Jul 2010 21:10:20 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/dating-reflections-of-your-mother-part-3/#comment-275130</guid>
		<description>My mother did a HELL of a number on me when it came to relationships and just about everything else in life.  :-&#124;  Had to completely sever ties and it&#039;s made life easier.  

For anyone who has a narcissistic mother like mine, here&#039;s a book recommendation:  Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing The Daughters Of Narcissistic Mothers by Karyl McBride.  A friend of mine found it while looking for a book about her narcissistic controlling father, saw it and recommended it to me immediately.

(Since she also did a hell of a number on my youngest brother too, wondering if there&#039;s a book out there for SONS of narcissistic mothers. In the meantime, he regards me as his surrogate mother, as well as my 2 aunts, whom mother dear cut off.  Oh yeah, she disowned both of us too.  Don&#039;t even get me started.  LMAO and SMH.  :-&#124; )</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>My mother did a HELL of a number on me when it came to relationships and just about everything else in life.  <img src='http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_neutral.gif' alt=':-|' class='wp-smiley' />   Had to completely sever ties and it&#8217;s made life easier.  </p>
<p>For anyone who has a narcissistic mother like mine, here&#8217;s a book recommendation:  Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing The Daughters Of Narcissistic Mothers by Karyl McBride.  A friend of mine found it while looking for a book about her narcissistic controlling father, saw it and recommended it to me immediately.</p>
<p>(Since she also did a hell of a number on my youngest brother too, wondering if there&#8217;s a book out there for SONS of narcissistic mothers. In the meantime, he regards me as his surrogate mother, as well as my 2 aunts, whom mother dear cut off.  Oh yeah, she disowned both of us too.  Don&#8217;t even get me started.  LMAO and SMH.  <img src='http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_neutral.gif' alt=':-|' class='wp-smiley' />  )</p>
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		<title>By: Eve</title>
		<link>http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/dating-reflections-of-your-mother-part-3/comment-page-1/#comment-275034</link>
		<dc:creator>Eve</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 27 Jul 2010 11:21:52 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/dating-reflections-of-your-mother-part-3/#comment-275034</guid>
		<description>It&#039;s amazing that we feel obliged because we&#039;re related. If this was a stranger or so-called friend treating us this way we&#039;d soon cut them loose.

Actually I have cut one family member loose - for attacking me. I&#039;ve never looked back and he;s never admitted doing anything wrong.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>It&#8217;s amazing that we feel obliged because we&#8217;re related. If this was a stranger or so-called friend treating us this way we&#8217;d soon cut them loose.</p>
<p>Actually I have cut one family member loose &#8211; for attacking me. I&#8217;ve never looked back and he;s never admitted doing anything wrong.</p>
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		<title>By: Brand New Day</title>
		<link>http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/dating-reflections-of-your-mother-part-3/comment-page-1/#comment-275025</link>
		<dc:creator>Brand New Day</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 27 Jul 2010 10:26:04 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/dating-reflections-of-your-mother-part-3/#comment-275025</guid>
		<description>After reading these last 3 instalments I can now clearly see a pattern in my poor relationship choices: stemming from a father who was emotionally disconnected, never supportive but forever negative and critical and a mother who took out all her frustrations on her only child – me. 
My mother regularly took to me with a leather strap she had hanging on the door. On one occasion she made me kneel in a corner on grains of uncooked rice because I wanted to eat baked beans for dinner for heavens sake! On another occasion, when I was only 8yrs, she pulled a chair from under me as I was about to sit in it, causing me to fall onto and break my tailbone, which to this day has caused, amongst other things, chronic back pain. I am an only child; I was never “spoilt” as is a common notion regarding only-children. My parents NEVER said they loved me, NEVER held me close and still don’t. Not intentionally (but obvious to me know) I needed love and attention back then and I thought I&#039;d found it in the advances of an opportunistic man who ended up taking my virginity. He was more than twice my age, I was only 16. He abused his position and moral responsibility - he was also the family doctor. I thought it was love. He laughed at my declaration, said I was a silly girl and then left town...with his wife. I told no one, had no one to turn to and contemplated suicide. My mother liked him and I thought for sure she would punish me if she ever found out.
The best years of my life where spent overseas, away from my parents. I made new friends who appreciated me for who I was and I heard praise for the first time. On my return I had new-found confidence which my mother noticed and resented because I was finally able to say “no” to her and stopped listening to her berating. She said begrudgingly that I “had changed”. I smiled inwardly at that…door mat no more. After having my own children, I vowed to love and cherish them as I needed and wanted to be. As a result, they are confident and caring individuals and they know I am always there for them. I can’t imagine how someone could turn their back on or abuse their child. Neither of my parents were their for me for the birth of my children…my mum went on a holiday instead, when I had my first. 
I realise we all carry our baggage from the past and my parents had their own problems with their upbringing but it’s a choice we make to right the wrongs of the past not perpetuate them. I chose to stop the madness.
My father even admitted one time that although I was a good mother, I made him feel like I “rubbed it in his face” at how badly he and mum parented me. I thought: so it’s still all about you. They are hopelessly awkward grandparents.
My mother now laments that I probably won’t take proper care of her when she becomes dependant. She constantly tries the guilt trip on. I admit I have often thought: I will put the needs of my kids first and if I don’t have time for you, so be it. I find it so hard to connect with her now that she is feeling her mortality. I really could care less. I have to find forgiveness someway. It&#039;s not easy.
Once again Natalie, you speak directly to our broken hearts and souls and guide us into the right direction. Thank you.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>After reading these last 3 instalments I can now clearly see a pattern in my poor relationship choices: stemming from a father who was emotionally disconnected, never supportive but forever negative and critical and a mother who took out all her frustrations on her only child – me.<br />
My mother regularly took to me with a leather strap she had hanging on the door. On one occasion she made me kneel in a corner on grains of uncooked rice because I wanted to eat baked beans for dinner for heavens sake! On another occasion, when I was only 8yrs, she pulled a chair from under me as I was about to sit in it, causing me to fall onto and break my tailbone, which to this day has caused, amongst other things, chronic back pain. I am an only child; I was never “spoilt” as is a common notion regarding only-children. My parents NEVER said they loved me, NEVER held me close and still don’t. Not intentionally (but obvious to me know) I needed love and attention back then and I thought I&#8217;d found it in the advances of an opportunistic man who ended up taking my virginity. He was more than twice my age, I was only 16. He abused his position and moral responsibility &#8211; he was also the family doctor. I thought it was love. He laughed at my declaration, said I was a silly girl and then left town&#8230;with his wife. I told no one, had no one to turn to and contemplated suicide. My mother liked him and I thought for sure she would punish me if she ever found out.<br />
The best years of my life where spent overseas, away from my parents. I made new friends who appreciated me for who I was and I heard praise for the first time. On my return I had new-found confidence which my mother noticed and resented because I was finally able to say “no” to her and stopped listening to her berating. She said begrudgingly that I “had changed”. I smiled inwardly at that…door mat no more. After having my own children, I vowed to love and cherish them as I needed and wanted to be. As a result, they are confident and caring individuals and they know I am always there for them. I can’t imagine how someone could turn their back on or abuse their child. Neither of my parents were their for me for the birth of my children…my mum went on a holiday instead, when I had my first.<br />
I realise we all carry our baggage from the past and my parents had their own problems with their upbringing but it’s a choice we make to right the wrongs of the past not perpetuate them. I chose to stop the madness.<br />
My father even admitted one time that although I was a good mother, I made him feel like I “rubbed it in his face” at how badly he and mum parented me. I thought: so it’s still all about you. They are hopelessly awkward grandparents.<br />
My mother now laments that I probably won’t take proper care of her when she becomes dependant. She constantly tries the guilt trip on. I admit I have often thought: I will put the needs of my kids first and if I don’t have time for you, so be it. I find it so hard to connect with her now that she is feeling her mortality. I really could care less. I have to find forgiveness someway. It&#8217;s not easy.<br />
Once again Natalie, you speak directly to our broken hearts and souls and guide us into the right direction. Thank you.</p>
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		<title>By: edge</title>
		<link>http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/dating-reflections-of-your-mother-part-3/comment-page-1/#comment-274846</link>
		<dc:creator>edge</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 26 Jul 2010 22:36:12 +0000</pubDate>
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		<description>Natalie, I just want to say that you&#039;re really cool.  Thank you for sharing and stay strong!  You&#039;re awesome.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Natalie, I just want to say that you&#8217;re really cool.  Thank you for sharing and stay strong!  You&#8217;re awesome.</p>
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		<title>By: C</title>
		<link>http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/dating-reflections-of-your-mother-part-3/comment-page-1/#comment-274824</link>
		<dc:creator>C</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 26 Jul 2010 19:12:47 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/dating-reflections-of-your-mother-part-3/#comment-274824</guid>
		<description>for many years i thought that my relationship with my father was the main problem (the lack of one, that is).  but i know now that my &quot;issues&quot; have always had everything to do with my mother and in my adult life i have either been dating versions of her or the men that she dated after my father bailed.  

having a bad mother truly warps your word in a tremendously painful way, makes you tough on the outside but a constantly scared and crying baby on the inside; convinced you will always be unlovable because if your mother couldn&#039;t love you, then who on earth could?  having a bad father will leave deep scars also, but i fall into the camp that believe that mothers have far more power to damage their children than fathers do.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>for many years i thought that my relationship with my father was the main problem (the lack of one, that is).  but i know now that my &#8220;issues&#8221; have always had everything to do with my mother and in my adult life i have either been dating versions of her or the men that she dated after my father bailed.  </p>
<p>having a bad mother truly warps your word in a tremendously painful way, makes you tough on the outside but a constantly scared and crying baby on the inside; convinced you will always be unlovable because if your mother couldn&#8217;t love you, then who on earth could?  having a bad father will leave deep scars also, but i fall into the camp that believe that mothers have far more power to damage their children than fathers do.</p>
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		<title>By: Pirouette</title>
		<link>http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/dating-reflections-of-your-mother-part-3/comment-page-1/#comment-274800</link>
		<dc:creator>Pirouette</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 26 Jul 2010 17:39:31 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/dating-reflections-of-your-mother-part-3/#comment-274800</guid>
		<description>Honestly, I think my mother wants me to BE her, which is another topic entirely.  I believe this is one of the sources of her frustration with me:  my resistance to becoming just like her in life and relationships, and my determination to follow my own course.  I can see how her influence has negatively influenced my relationships with men and women.  Sometimes I have a hard time trusting other women because my mom was/is constantly jealous of me, comparing herself to me, and trying to &quot;out do&quot; me in various areas.  I tend to carry this dysfunctional mode of relating to other women, always afraid to achieve success because I don&#039;t want to evoke jealousy, then rejection, from my female friends.  I&#039;m trying to break out of this paradigm.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Honestly, I think my mother wants me to BE her, which is another topic entirely.  I believe this is one of the sources of her frustration with me:  my resistance to becoming just like her in life and relationships, and my determination to follow my own course.  I can see how her influence has negatively influenced my relationships with men and women.  Sometimes I have a hard time trusting other women because my mom was/is constantly jealous of me, comparing herself to me, and trying to &#8220;out do&#8221; me in various areas.  I tend to carry this dysfunctional mode of relating to other women, always afraid to achieve success because I don&#8217;t want to evoke jealousy, then rejection, from my female friends.  I&#8217;m trying to break out of this paradigm.</p>
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		<title>By: Better2010</title>
		<link>http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/dating-reflections-of-your-mother-part-3/comment-page-1/#comment-274790</link>
		<dc:creator>Better2010</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 26 Jul 2010 17:09:13 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/dating-reflections-of-your-mother-part-3/#comment-274790</guid>
		<description>You hit the nail on the head. I would have never linked my EUM behaviour to my mum. All my life until I finished graduate school, my mum preached that men are bad for me. they would ruin my life. marriage is a miserable institution and no good would come of it. I should get a good education  and a career.. thanks to her I have both and i am shit scared of commitment. Once a relationship heads towards commitment, I  split like a bat out of hell. I am the queen of sabotage...For the past 4 years I have had string of eums and i wonder why they do not want to commit. Now that I am in my early 30s my mum&#039;s song has changed to  &quot;you should get a husband. you cant live without a man and a family of your own&quot; Excuse me? You told me men were bad, and that my father ruined what could have been a very perfect life for you. now all of a sudden marriage is rosey? Too late for that. The damage is already done!&quot; I would give anything to remove my mum&#039;s poison from my head which has contributed immensly to my behavior. I go to weddings and feel pity for the bride! I sit there thinking &quot;she has no idea wat she is getting into. I wont be having the drama&quot;. And constantly hearing marriage woes from friends and relatives hasnt helped either..... I have declined marriage proposals from good men. One guy, i dated for 8 years...he asked so many times over that time i refused until i knew i couldnt put it off any longer and I split. Did the same with the guy i dated right after him,we dated for 5 years once the marriage talk started.I bolted out of there..and there is my last saboaged relationship.. he was devastated..... I am ashamed of myself. Now I just cling to EUMs for dear life and wonder why they cant commit! But that voice at the back of my head remind me &quot;single women do much better in life.most successful women are single! a man will only serve to bring you down!&quot; How am I supposed to change it all of a sudden to &quot;marriage is good, you need a man in your life, my mother needs grandchildren&quot;! oh! crap!!!!!!!</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>You hit the nail on the head. I would have never linked my EUM behaviour to my mum. All my life until I finished graduate school, my mum preached that men are bad for me. they would ruin my life. marriage is a miserable institution and no good would come of it. I should get a good education  and a career.. thanks to her I have both and i am shit scared of commitment. Once a relationship heads towards commitment, I  split like a bat out of hell. I am the queen of sabotage&#8230;For the past 4 years I have had string of eums and i wonder why they do not want to commit. Now that I am in my early 30s my mum&#8217;s song has changed to  &#8220;you should get a husband. you cant live without a man and a family of your own&#8221; Excuse me? You told me men were bad, and that my father ruined what could have been a very perfect life for you. now all of a sudden marriage is rosey? Too late for that. The damage is already done!&#8221; I would give anything to remove my mum&#8217;s poison from my head which has contributed immensly to my behavior. I go to weddings and feel pity for the bride! I sit there thinking &#8220;she has no idea wat she is getting into. I wont be having the drama&#8221;. And constantly hearing marriage woes from friends and relatives hasnt helped either&#8230;.. I have declined marriage proposals from good men. One guy, i dated for 8 years&#8230;he asked so many times over that time i refused until i knew i couldnt put it off any longer and I split. Did the same with the guy i dated right after him,we dated for 5 years once the marriage talk started.I bolted out of there..and there is my last saboaged relationship.. he was devastated&#8230;.. I am ashamed of myself. Now I just cling to EUMs for dear life and wonder why they cant commit! But that voice at the back of my head remind me &#8220;single women do much better in life.most successful women are single! a man will only serve to bring you down!&#8221; How am I supposed to change it all of a sudden to &#8220;marriage is good, you need a man in your life, my mother needs grandchildren&#8221;! oh! crap!!!!!!!</p>
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		<title>By: Movedup</title>
		<link>http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/dating-reflections-of-your-mother-part-3/comment-page-1/#comment-274777</link>
		<dc:creator>Movedup</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 26 Jul 2010 16:05:44 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/dating-reflections-of-your-mother-part-3/#comment-274777</guid>
		<description>Did we have the same mom?  MIne sent me to finishing school so I could learn how to to attract a rich man.  Then the plan was for me to be an airline stewardess to find the rich man because you can love a rich man just as easy as you can love a poor man but you will have a better life.
I was voted Class Clown at finishing school - which my mother hated and then I rebelled by moving out with a poor man = X-hubby#1 AC all the way.  Anything was better at that point.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Did we have the same mom?  MIne sent me to finishing school so I could learn how to to attract a rich man.  Then the plan was for me to be an airline stewardess to find the rich man because you can love a rich man just as easy as you can love a poor man but you will have a better life.<br />
I was voted Class Clown at finishing school &#8211; which my mother hated and then I rebelled by moving out with a poor man = X-hubby#1 AC all the way.  Anything was better at that point.</p>
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		<title>By: JJ2</title>
		<link>http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/dating-reflections-of-your-mother-part-3/comment-page-1/#comment-274749</link>
		<dc:creator>JJ2</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 26 Jul 2010 13:47:35 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/dating-reflections-of-your-mother-part-3/#comment-274749</guid>
		<description>Yeppers, the  way you &quot;should&quot; be happy.  I sometimes wonder if my mom ever really was  happy.  She &quot;said&quot;  she was...... and I don&#039;t DARE have the &quot;were you REALLY....&quot; conversation.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Yeppers, the  way you &#8220;should&#8221; be happy.  I sometimes wonder if my mom ever really was  happy.  She &#8220;said&#8221;  she was&#8230;&#8230; and I don&#8217;t DARE have the &#8220;were you REALLY&#8230;.&#8221; conversation.</p>
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		<title>By: JJ2</title>
		<link>http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/dating-reflections-of-your-mother-part-3/comment-page-1/#comment-274748</link>
		<dc:creator>JJ2</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 26 Jul 2010 13:46:14 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/dating-reflections-of-your-mother-part-3/#comment-274748</guid>
		<description>Boy  this one hits home.  I&#039;m in my 50&#039;s and it took me this long to figure out that I never got what I needed from  my mom:  VALIDATION.  When I would express a thought that  didn&#039;t &quot;jive&quot;  with what my mom thought I should think (even though it wasn&#039;t WRONG), I got  told, &quot;no you don&#039;t feel that way, you feel THIS way.&quot;  So, I &quot;faked it.&quot;  (pretended to be what she wanted to see)  Thus, I also learned to &quot;fake it&quot; with boyfriends.  Well, my  mom doesn&#039;t directly  put me down like Natalie mentions, it&#039;s just that it&#039;s just  that if I &quot;feel&quot; differently than what  Mom thinks I &quot;should&quot; feel, I get told, &quot;no you don&#039;t  feel that way, you feel  this way.&quot;  For example, when I was a little kid, I told mom that when I grew up, I was going to live &quot;far away.&quot;  I got told, &quot;No you won&#039;t you will change your mind and live real close&quot; (read:  &quot;Like all good daughters do......&quot;)   Made me real determined to live far  away, and I eventually did move 3000 miles away!</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Boy  this one hits home.  I&#8217;m in my 50&#8242;s and it took me this long to figure out that I never got what I needed from  my mom:  VALIDATION.  When I would express a thought that  didn&#8217;t &#8220;jive&#8221;  with what my mom thought I should think (even though it wasn&#8217;t WRONG), I got  told, &#8220;no you don&#8217;t feel that way, you feel THIS way.&#8221;  So, I &#8220;faked it.&#8221;  (pretended to be what she wanted to see)  Thus, I also learned to &#8220;fake it&#8221; with boyfriends.  Well, my  mom doesn&#8217;t directly  put me down like Natalie mentions, it&#8217;s just that it&#8217;s just  that if I &#8220;feel&#8221; differently than what  Mom thinks I &#8220;should&#8221; feel, I get told, &#8220;no you don&#8217;t  feel that way, you feel  this way.&#8221;  For example, when I was a little kid, I told mom that when I grew up, I was going to live &#8220;far away.&#8221;  I got told, &#8220;No you won&#8217;t you will change your mind and live real close&#8221; (read:  &#8220;Like all good daughters do&#8230;&#8230;&#8221;)   Made me real determined to live far  away, and I eventually did move 3000 miles away!</p>
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		<title>By: Eve</title>
		<link>http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/dating-reflections-of-your-mother-part-3/comment-page-1/#comment-274736</link>
		<dc:creator>Eve</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 26 Jul 2010 12:44:11 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/dating-reflections-of-your-mother-part-3/#comment-274736</guid>
		<description>&quot; In fact, sometimes I don’t think my mother wants me to get married or really be happy in any way. Or she wants me to be happy, but only her version of happiness–everything on *her* terms. It’s always been that way&quot;

I can relate to this 100%!</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>&#8221; In fact, sometimes I don’t think my mother wants me to get married or really be happy in any way. Or she wants me to be happy, but only her version of happiness–everything on *her* terms. It’s always been that way&#8221;</p>
<p>I can relate to this 100%!</p>
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