Comments on: How To Cope With Being The Other Woman http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/deleted/ Self Esteem|Dating|Relationships|Emotional Unavailability|Commitment| Wed, 08 Sep 2010 03:03:06 +0200 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: Is He Going To Leave Her For Me? Part One | Baggage Reclaim http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/deleted/comment-page-15/#comment-253663 Is He Going To Leave Her For Me? Part One | Baggage Reclaim Sun, 07 Mar 2010 23:48:17 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/how-to-cope-with-being-the-other-woman/#comment-253663 [...] email, especially since I wrote a post ages ago about how to cope with being the other woman (also see the original), with many hoping their experience is the [...] [...] email, especially since I wrote a post ages ago about how to cope with being the other woman (also see the original), with many hoping their experience is the [...]

]]> By: walg9e http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/deleted/comment-page-15/#comment-35574 walg9e Tue, 01 May 2007 03:49:19 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/how-to-cope-with-being-the-other-woman/#comment-35574 VOR, How come your MM will walk if you have another man, while he is married? That is very selfish to say the least. He should be able to share you just as you share him. I know you are probably not interested in no one else, but you should at least be open to. And if he can't deal with it, then oh well. I hope you aren't preventing yourself from meeting a man you can have all to yourself. You fit the description of having compersion. You don't get jealous of the wife? If not you definately fit compersion. In my case, you are very right. She does have the upper hand. And I have met another man who satifies my sexual desires. For at least right now. If you want to understand how he can be ok with me having sex with another man, please look up polyamory and compersion. That will explain everything. I'm doing fine now that my new friend explained that his phone had gotten damaged and he had to get another one and didn't rememorize my #. That's why he hadn't called me. But now we are back in touch and I still want to call my TM, but it's easier to not call when I have my new friend. I think that everyone who has a MM should also have another friend that helps the ease of not being able to be with your MM all the time. It helps the waiting game. Hope everyone is doing fine. Stay strong! VOR,
How come your MM will walk if you have another man, while he is married? That is very selfish to say the least. He should be able to share you just as you share him. I know you are probably not interested in no one else, but you should at least be open to. And if he can’t deal with it, then oh well. I hope you aren’t preventing yourself from meeting a man you can have all to yourself. You fit the description of having compersion. You don’t get jealous of the wife? If not you definately fit compersion.

In my case, you are very right. She does have the upper hand. And I have met another man who satifies my sexual desires. For at least right now. If you want to understand how he can be ok with me having sex with another man, please look up polyamory and compersion. That will explain everything.

I’m doing fine now that my new friend explained that his phone had gotten damaged and he had to get another one and didn’t rememorize my #. That’s why he hadn’t called me. But now we are back in touch and I still want to call my TM, but it’s easier to not call when I have my new friend.

I think that everyone who has a MM should also have another friend that helps the ease of not being able to be with your MM all the time. It helps the waiting game.

Hope everyone is doing fine. Stay strong!

]]> By: Voice Of Reason http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/deleted/comment-page-15/#comment-35548 Voice Of Reason Mon, 30 Apr 2007 22:57:57 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/how-to-cope-with-being-the-other-woman/#comment-35548 Walg9e Well congratulations I think you've finally found the one 'other woman' situation that is totally unique....Why are you still in this??? All joking aside, what the hell is this guy on??? Why does he have this need to differentiate between emotional and sexual need. I really can't think of any of my guy friends, that would be ok with someone they are interested in sleeping with another guy, whilst being happy just to have an emotional connection. In fact I think most of them would laugh at the suggestion. Men are very sexual creatures. Also not sure how can you say the girlfriend doesn't exactly have the upper hand..... she has him! She's getting the intimacy you want. She IS his girlfriend and as you already know, he's in no rush to change anything. In answer to your question, I have balance in my situation, but as it is so very different to yours, I'm not sure anything I say about mine will be of any use to you. Me and my guy speak, almost everyday, we meet up when time and work allows, we both travel quite a bit for business so that helps to be able to meet up in hotels etc. My MM will not share me with anyone, if I met anyone else he would walk. When we spend time together he accepts he is mine, but when he leaves thats it. It's back to the real world, I never contact him at home. After all is said and done, his wife is a good person and I have no wish to invade in on her life. Thats his time and I respect that. He treats me well and we both know what the situation is, thats our balance. As I said it's probably not much use to you. Take Care. Walg9e

Well congratulations I think you’ve finally found the one ‘other woman’ situation that is totally unique….Why are you still in this???

All joking aside, what the hell is this guy on??? Why does he have this need to differentiate between emotional and sexual need. I really can’t think of any of my guy friends, that would be ok with someone they are interested in sleeping with another guy, whilst being happy just to have an emotional connection. In fact I think most of them would laugh at the suggestion. Men are very sexual creatures.

Also not sure how can you say the girlfriend doesn’t exactly have the upper hand….. she has him! She’s getting the intimacy you want. She IS his girlfriend and as you already know, he’s in no rush to change anything.

In answer to your question, I have balance in my situation, but as it is so very different to yours, I’m not sure anything I say about mine will be of any use to you.

Me and my guy speak, almost everyday, we meet up when time and work allows, we both travel quite a bit for business so that helps to be able to meet up in hotels etc. My MM will not share me with anyone, if I met anyone else he would walk. When we spend time together he accepts he is mine, but when he leaves thats it. It’s back to the real world, I never contact him at home. After all is said and done, his wife is a good person and I have no wish to invade in on her life. Thats his time and I respect that. He treats me well and we both know what the situation is, thats our balance.

As I said it’s probably not much use to you.

Take Care.

]]> By: walg9e http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/deleted/comment-page-15/#comment-35265 walg9e Mon, 30 Apr 2007 05:15:25 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/how-to-cope-with-being-the-other-woman/#comment-35265 Hey all, Well I've talked to my TM and although I was falling asleep on the phone, I did remember him comparing his feelings for me and his GF as being even like on a scale. He said it's even and it's not tipping in either direction right now. SO I now know that she doesn't exactly have the upper hand right now. Then he told me that when I found my new SEX friend, that he thought we had found a balance to our situation. That my new friend would satisfy my sexual needs and that HE would satify my emotional needs. What the hell! I told him that it didn't matter if I was having relations with someone else, as long as I continue to get close to him, my passion for him will also continue to grow. Then he asked how can we balance it out? I told him that I didn't know because everyday I don't talk to him, I hurt, and sooner or later he'll say something to me that will make me think about the fact that he isn't my man. And then I'll have a breakdown for about two days. So where's the balance? I hurt either way. But I must confess, the days I don't talk to him doesn't hurt as much as the breakdowns. So maybe we are doing the right thing by not talking everyday. Has anyone found a balance in their situations? Hey all,
Well I’ve talked to my TM and although I was falling asleep on the phone, I did remember him comparing his feelings for me and his GF as being even like on a scale. He said it’s even and it’s not tipping in either direction right now. SO I now know that she doesn’t exactly have the upper hand right now. Then he told me that when I found my new SEX friend, that he thought we had found a balance to our situation. That my new friend would satisfy my sexual needs and that HE would satify my emotional needs. What the hell! I told him that it didn’t matter if I was having relations with someone else, as long as I continue to get close to him, my passion for him will also continue to grow. Then he asked how can we balance it out? I told him that I didn’t know because everyday I don’t talk to him, I hurt, and sooner or later he’ll say something to me that will make me think about the fact that he isn’t my man. And then I’ll have a breakdown for about two days. So where’s the balance? I hurt either way. But I must confess, the days I don’t talk to him doesn’t hurt as much as the breakdowns. So maybe we are doing the right thing by not talking everyday.

Has anyone found a balance in their situations?

]]> By: Voice Of Reason http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/deleted/comment-page-15/#comment-34773 Voice Of Reason Sat, 28 Apr 2007 23:57:57 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/how-to-cope-with-being-the-other-woman/#comment-34773 Walg9e, After reading through your post a few times....I have to be honest and say it's something I've never heard of, and yes it does seem a little crazy. On what you've said I'm assuming he won't be getting married as the exclusion of all others part is gonna be a bit difficult to fulfil.... ;-) I'm not saying it is impossible to love more than one person at the same time etc etc, but I think it must be a very difficult to maintain the kind of lifestyle that he has. All I can say is I think his behaviour smacks of wanting to be the centre of several people's lives. But that's just the jaded old cynic in me At the end of the day all you are really describing is a couple that have an open relationship, and you're part of it, whether it's sexual or not. However on the flipside of that, I think this 'share the love' stuff is all pretty flaky. Please don't think I'm being critical, cos I'm not, but I think of being the other woman as an arrangement and NOT a relationship as such. I think a lot of women in this situation make this basic mistake and to do so usually causes a lot of pain and unhappiness. They want their MM to be a boyfriend/partner, when it's just not something they can do. Laura, You're doing so well, seems like you've got the measure of him. Do your thing and enjoy life. Take Care Walg9e,

After reading through your post a few times….I have to be honest and say it’s something I’ve never heard of, and yes it does seem a little crazy. On what you’ve said I’m assuming he won’t be getting married as the exclusion of all others part is gonna be a bit difficult to fulfil…. ;-)

I’m not saying it is impossible to love more than one person at the same time etc etc, but I think it must be a very difficult to maintain the kind of lifestyle that he has. All I can say is I think his behaviour smacks of wanting to be the centre of several people’s lives. But that’s just the jaded old cynic in me

At the end of the day all you are really describing is a couple that have an open relationship, and you’re part of it, whether it’s sexual or not. However on the flipside of that, I think this ‘share the love’ stuff is all pretty flaky.

Please don’t think I’m being critical, cos I’m not, but I think of being the other woman as an arrangement and NOT a relationship as such. I think a lot of women in this situation make this basic mistake and to do so usually causes a lot of pain and unhappiness. They want their MM to be a boyfriend/partner, when it’s just not something they can do.

Laura,

You’re doing so well, seems like you’ve got the measure of him. Do your thing and enjoy life.

Take Care

]]> By: laura http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/deleted/comment-page-15/#comment-34723 laura Sat, 28 Apr 2007 21:03:32 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/how-to-cope-with-being-the-other-woman/#comment-34723 Ok sixth day and i'm feeling a little low. This is nearly the longest i've gone without seeing him and it's getting pretty hard. I've not heard from him which has surprised me. Usually by this time he's declaring his undying love. Part of me is relieved he's not doing that but the other part just makes me think he didn't give a f*** about me. I was seeing him for a year and he doesn't seem bothered. I'm stil adamant i'm not contacting him. It's going to be hard but i've got my whole life in front of me. What has he got? an unhappy marriage, up to his neck in huge debts and a boss who hates him. It was his birthday the other day maybe him and his w rekindled or maybe he has someone-else in his sights whatever the reason for not contacting me is. He's just a sad old man that really needs to get over hiself. He'll never find anyone who loved and treated him like i did. His loss not mine. Sorry for going on but i feel better after that little rant. Thanks for listening. Take care Ok sixth day and i’m feeling a little low. This is nearly the longest i’ve gone without seeing him and it’s getting pretty hard. I’ve not heard from him which has surprised me. Usually by this time he’s declaring his undying love. Part of me is relieved he’s not doing that but the other part just makes me think he didn’t give a f*** about me. I was seeing him for a year and he doesn’t seem bothered. I’m stil adamant i’m not contacting him. It’s going to be hard but i’ve got my whole life in front of me. What has he got? an unhappy marriage, up to his neck in huge debts and a boss who hates him.
It was his birthday the other day maybe him and his w rekindled or maybe he has someone-else in his sights whatever the reason for not contacting me is. He’s just a sad old man that really needs to get over hiself. He’ll never find anyone who loved and treated him like i did. His loss not mine.
Sorry for going on but i feel better after that little rant. Thanks for listening. Take care

]]> By: walg9e http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/deleted/comment-page-15/#comment-34438 walg9e Sat, 28 Apr 2007 00:17:21 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/how-to-cope-with-being-the-other-woman/#comment-34438 VOR, I have finally figured him out. He is a polyamorist. Have any of you ever heard of this? It's when a person has many loves. They feel they shouldn't be excluded to only love one person and that there are many facets to love. You love one person this way and another one this way. They would compare it to how a mother loves her two children two different ways, but that doesn't mean that she loves them any less. She just loves them in different ways. I know understand everything, how she allows him to develop another meaningful relationship with another woman, and how he feels that just because he loves me doesn't mean his love for his woman is any less. See in polyamory, the people involved know about eachother. The main couple communicate the boundaries before they explore other relationships. In their case, they have decided to remain monogamous with eachother meaning they aren't to ingage in sex with another, but if they meet someone who is special to them and they want to get to know them and if they eventually become close to them, then that's ok because should they begin to love that person, that is ok because that love doesn't interfere with their love. It's real crazy to understand. That's why he doesn't consider himself cheating because everyone involved knows about the other and no one objects to it. She probably wants him to share his love. That's called compersion. It's the complete opposite of jealousy. The other partner enjoys seeing their beloved share their love with others. Some even sexually. Now that I understand where he is coming from, I understand him even better. But that still doesn't mean that I want to continue this relationship because I need for him to give me all of his love. He is limited in what he can give because of their agreement. The closer we get, the more the bond gets stronger, the more sexually attracted I become to him. When I am around him my skin feels like it's on fire. I become overwhelmed with desire. And because at this moment in time, he can't give himself to me, it's a no win situation. That's why he doesn't get jealous when I tell him about other men because he wants me to enjoy myself and be happy. He sees nothing wrong with satisfying my desires as long as it makes me happy. I told him that I would be satisfied sharing him with her as long as he gave all of himself to me and the time he give me doesn't interfere with her time and vice versa. Right now, I've never had a problem with him not being available because of her. He doesn't tell me anything about her, and he never tells me when he's seen her or planning on seeing her, so it's like she doesn't exist even though I know she does. As long as he continues this, I would be ok with it because it's not like I'm wondering if he's with her or whatever. He never seems to sleep over her house because their schedules are opposite. So if he came over after work, it wouldn't interfere with her time because he wouldn't have gone over there anyway. In the meantime, I would still be able to develop another relationship with another man if I meet someone else. I wouldn't be exclusive to him. That would be my agreement. But I just wanted to tell you all about that and see what your thoughts are. VOR,
I have finally figured him out. He is a polyamorist. Have any of you ever heard of this? It’s when a person has many loves. They feel they shouldn’t be excluded to only love one person and that there are many facets to love. You love one person this way and another one this way. They would compare it to how a mother loves her two children two different ways, but that doesn’t mean that she loves them any less. She just loves them in different ways.

I know understand everything, how she allows him to develop another meaningful relationship with another woman, and how he feels that just because he loves me doesn’t mean his love for his woman is any less. See in polyamory, the people involved know about eachother. The main couple communicate the boundaries before they explore other relationships. In their case, they have decided to remain monogamous with eachother meaning they aren’t to ingage in sex with another, but if they meet someone who is special to them and they want to get to know them and if they eventually become close to them, then that’s ok because should they begin to love that person, that is ok because that love doesn’t interfere with their love.

It’s real crazy to understand. That’s why he doesn’t consider himself cheating because everyone involved knows about the other and no one objects to it. She probably wants him to share his love. That’s called compersion. It’s the complete opposite of jealousy. The other partner enjoys seeing their beloved share their love with others. Some even sexually.

Now that I understand where he is coming from, I understand him even better. But that still doesn’t mean that I want to continue this relationship because I need for him to give me all of his love. He is limited in what he can give because of their agreement. The closer we get, the more the bond gets stronger, the more sexually attracted I become to him. When I am around him my skin feels like it’s on fire. I become overwhelmed with desire. And because at this moment in time, he can’t give himself to me, it’s a no win situation.

That’s why he doesn’t get jealous when I tell him about other men because he wants me to enjoy myself and be happy. He sees nothing wrong with satisfying my desires as long as it makes me happy.

I told him that I would be satisfied sharing him with her as long as he gave all of himself to me and the time he give me doesn’t interfere with her time and vice versa. Right now, I’ve never had a problem with him not being available because of her. He doesn’t tell me anything about her, and he never tells me when he’s seen her or planning on seeing her, so it’s like she doesn’t exist even though I know she does. As long as he continues this, I would be ok with it because it’s not like I’m wondering if he’s with her or whatever. He never seems to sleep over her house because their schedules are opposite. So if he came over after work, it wouldn’t interfere with her time because he wouldn’t have gone over there anyway. In the meantime, I would still be able to develop another relationship with another man if I meet someone else. I wouldn’t be exclusive to him. That would be my agreement.

But I just wanted to tell you all about that and see what your thoughts are.

]]> By: Voice Of Reason http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/deleted/comment-page-15/#comment-34414 Voice Of Reason Fri, 27 Apr 2007 22:57:54 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/how-to-cope-with-being-the-other-woman/#comment-34414 Laura, Well done for how good you're doing, live life for yourself.... :-) Walg9e, I don't get your situation at all, other than it sounds pretty destructive. to be f*cking others and telling him that you have to see if you can get a reaction just isn't productive. I have no idea what his game is, but seems to me that you've been dragged in to a no win situation. If you wanna know what his persuasion is, why don't you just ask? Take Care Laura,

Well done for how good you’re doing, live life for yourself…. :-)

Walg9e,

I don’t get your situation at all, other than it sounds pretty destructive. to be f*cking others and telling him that you have to see if you can get a reaction just isn’t productive. I have no idea what his game is, but seems to me that you’ve been dragged in to a no win situation.

If you wanna know what his persuasion is, why don’t you just ask?

Take Care

]]> By: walg9e http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/deleted/comment-page-15/#comment-33972 walg9e Fri, 27 Apr 2007 04:00:38 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/how-to-cope-with-being-the-other-woman/#comment-33972 Laura: You keep it up! You'll be ok. Just keep ignoring him and he'll try to come back on and on until he realizes that you are foreal and then he'll give up or make the necessary changes to get you back. I've come to question whether or not my TM(taken man), is bisexual. It makes perfectly good sense. He won't have sex with me, he is attracted, but won't act, he really does care and love me, but he's fuckin a man and that's why he won't fuck me! He has a man, but still is attracted to women, but won't act physically because he really wants to be with men. That's why his "woman" lets him explore his feelings for me. That's why his "woman" understands his actions and doesn't get upset. That's why his "woman" doesn't visit his house because his mom lives with him and she ain't on that gay shit. That's why he doesn't get jealous when I tell him I've fucked someone,or that I like someone else, because he really doesn't want to be with me, he just likes having me around to talk to. It makes perfectly good sense. What do ya'll think? Laura:
You keep it up! You’ll be ok. Just keep ignoring him and he’ll try to come back on and on until he realizes that you are foreal and then he’ll give up or make the necessary changes to get you back.

I’ve come to question whether or not my TM(taken man), is bisexual. It makes perfectly good sense. He won’t have sex with me, he is attracted, but won’t act, he really does care and love me, but he’s fuckin a man and that’s why he won’t fuck me! He has a man, but still is attracted to women, but won’t act physically because he really wants to be with men. That’s why his “woman” lets him explore his feelings for me. That’s why his “woman” understands his actions and doesn’t get upset. That’s why his “woman” doesn’t visit his house because his mom lives with him and she ain’t on that gay shit. That’s why he doesn’t get jealous when I tell him I’ve fucked someone,or that I like someone else, because he really doesn’t want to be with me, he just likes having me around to talk to. It makes perfectly good sense. What do ya’ll think?

]]> By: Karina http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/deleted/comment-page-15/#comment-33962 Karina Fri, 27 Apr 2007 03:36:09 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/how-to-cope-with-being-the-other-woman/#comment-33962 Laura, you made the right decision. Stay strong. It will get better with time. My life changed for the better the second I stopped seeing him. Yours will too. It is so much better without lies, secrets, acting like an international spy to guard this so called relationship. After 5 and half years of being with a MM and 3 years of being out of it, take my word for it, you will heal and you will be happier for it. Laura, you made the right decision. Stay strong. It will get better with time. My life changed for the better the second I stopped seeing him. Yours will too. It is so much better without lies, secrets, acting like an international spy to guard this so called relationship. After 5 and half years of being with a MM and 3 years of being out of it, take my word for it, you will heal and you will be happier for it.

]]> By: laura http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/deleted/comment-page-15/#comment-33821 laura Thu, 26 Apr 2007 22:13:48 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/how-to-cope-with-being-the-other-woman/#comment-33821 Thanx for that. It's been four days since i last saw him. After last nights carry-on i haven't answered any of his texts, i've not called him and i don't intend to. He's now stopped texting me, his logic is that if he leaves me long enough to "stew in my own juice" i will contact him. Well that ain't going to happen i've took enough of his complete disregard for me. I'm so sick of his pathetic excuses. The guy doesn't know where the truth begins and where the lies end. He lives in his own little world that everythings rosy in his garden so f everybody else. Well maybe his w is happy to put up with his unbelievably selfish behaviour but i won't. He's treating me like a complete idiot and this is the man thats supposed to love me more than he's loved anyone. Yeah right pull the other one. The only thing he loves is the complete undivided love and attention he gets from me. Harsh but true. So thank-you jennifer, just when i started to feel a little sorry for him i read your post and i know i've made the right decision. I'm going to get the glad rags on and go on a night out with my friends and move on from this sad little man. Once again thank-you for letting me vent. Sorry i went on x Thanx for that. It’s been four days since i last saw him. After last nights carry-on i haven’t answered any of his texts, i’ve not called him and i don’t intend to. He’s now stopped texting me, his logic is that if he leaves me long enough to “stew in my own juice” i will contact him. Well that ain’t going to happen i’ve took enough of his complete disregard for me. I’m so sick of his pathetic excuses. The guy doesn’t know where the truth begins and where the lies end. He lives in his own little world that everythings rosy in his garden so f everybody else. Well maybe his w is happy to put up with his unbelievably selfish behaviour but i won’t. He’s treating me like a complete idiot and this is the man thats supposed to love me more than he’s loved anyone. Yeah right pull the other one. The only thing he loves is the complete undivided love and attention he gets from me. Harsh but true. So thank-you jennifer, just when i started to feel a little sorry for him i read your post and i know i’ve made the right decision. I’m going to get the glad rags on and go on a night out with my friends and move on from this sad little man.
Once again thank-you for letting me vent. Sorry i went on x

]]> By: Jennifer http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/deleted/comment-page-15/#comment-33458 Jennifer Thu, 26 Apr 2007 04:02:43 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/how-to-cope-with-being-the-other-woman/#comment-33458 I just broke up with a mm that I have been seeing for 3 years this May. He is married with no kids we also work together which makes things harder. After probably the last year of feeling...jealous, untrusting, sad and worthless I finally broke it off for good. After reading this board I see a pattern: Most of us feel: 1. not like ourselves 2. alienate friends/family from our lives 3. being to feel worthless and extremely lonely These men: 1. normally want what they cant have meaning as soon as we say we are leaving they beg us to stay 2. say there is some "reason" they can't leave their wife...kids, money, dont want to hurt her feelings 3. they promise us everything will be fine once they do leave their significant other. Well I for one finally had it, for all the times I spend alone, basically loosing all of my close friends, feel worthless, ugly, stupid, not good enough (like he is embarassed of me) loosing all my self confidence and pretty much feeling trapped because of the situation I was in, I truly felt like I should "wait it out" well I have been "waiting it out" for a long time now and if he really cared OR if I really cared about myself I should not be in this situation. I am NONE of those things I listed above but I have let someone allow me to feel that way. I do not blame him I blame myself for allowing him to have so much control over my feelings. It started out only being a sexual thing and turned into so much more but after 3 years I could no longer go on, the constant excuses and do I really believe once a man has their freedom they are going to want to be in another committed relationship PLEASEEEE...no matter what excuse he has come up with there is no reason for an affair PERIOD....so I suggest to anyone reading this if you feel any of these things just get away for a weekend...a week...anything and not talk to him, pretend like you are single and see how much better you feel, act it out first that always help you will say to yourself...oh my gosh WHAT have I been doing to myself, how can I let a man make me feel like that. Trust me it was not easy for me I have thrown phones against the way, cried BEGGED and pleaded felt like my life was over, I was to old to find love again (I am only 32)I have never been happier in my life that how I feel today. I just broke up with a mm that I have been seeing for 3 years this May. He is married with no kids we also work together which makes things harder. After probably the last year of feeling…jealous, untrusting, sad and worthless I finally broke it off for good. After reading this board I see a pattern:
Most of us feel:
1. not like ourselves
2. alienate friends/family from our lives
3. being to feel worthless and extremely lonely

These men:
1. normally want what they cant have meaning as soon as we say we are leaving they beg us to stay
2. say there is some “reason” they can’t leave their wife…kids, money, dont want to hurt her feelings
3. they promise us everything will be fine once they do leave their significant other.

Well I for one finally had it, for all the times I spend alone, basically loosing all of my close friends, feel worthless, ugly, stupid, not good enough (like he is embarassed of me) loosing all my self confidence and pretty much feeling trapped because of the situation I was in, I truly felt like I should “wait it out” well I have been “waiting it out” for a long time now and if he really cared OR if I really cared about myself I should not be in this situation. I am NONE of those things I listed above but I have let someone allow me to feel that way. I do not blame him I blame myself for allowing him to have so much control over my feelings. It started out only being a sexual thing and turned into so much more but after 3 years I could no longer go on, the constant excuses and do I really believe once a man has their freedom they are going to want to be in another committed relationship PLEASEEEE…no matter what excuse he has come up with there is no reason for an affair PERIOD….so I suggest to anyone reading this if you feel any of these things just get away for a weekend…a week…anything and not talk to him, pretend like you are single and see how much better you feel, act it out first that always help you will say to yourself…oh my gosh WHAT have I been doing to myself, how can I let a man make me feel like that. Trust me it was not easy for me I have thrown phones against the way, cried BEGGED and pleaded felt like my life was over, I was to old to find love again (I am only 32)I have never been happier in my life that how I feel today.

]]> By: Deb http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/deleted/comment-page-15/#comment-33453 Deb Thu, 26 Apr 2007 03:06:27 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/how-to-cope-with-being-the-other-woman/#comment-33453 Im fairly new to this site, so its taken awhile to read all the posts and other topics out there, and I have to say, reading all this is starting to open my eyes.. I thought maybe just maybe my situation was different, but when it comes down to it, its not. I start to feel ashamed of my life style now (with a MM) and I begin to feel sorry for his wife. All I hear is, i stay for the kids, or i need to give her a chance, or I dont know how to leave her, or I will loose alot of financial security, and alot of all i want is you and I cant loose you.. but im getting so confused anymore and like most of the post I read,, i cry so much anymore.. im having such a hard time with all this. I love him very much and now we are at a point where he cant decide who he wants his future to be with. I have my X husband torturing me and now it feels like my MM is doing the same, testing the waters. Im fairly new to this site, so its taken awhile to read all the posts and other topics out there, and I have to say, reading all this is starting to open my eyes.. I thought maybe just maybe my situation was different, but when it comes down to it, its not. I start to feel ashamed of my life style now (with a MM) and I begin to feel sorry for his wife. All I hear is, i stay for the kids, or i need to give her a chance, or I dont know how to leave her, or I will loose alot of financial security, and alot of all i want is you and I cant loose you.. but im getting so confused anymore and like most of the post I read,, i cry so much anymore.. im having such a hard time with all this. I love him very much and now we are at a point where he cant decide who he wants his future to be with. I have my X husband torturing me and now it feels like my MM is doing the same, testing the waters.

]]> By: laura http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/deleted/comment-page-15/#comment-33448 laura Thu, 26 Apr 2007 02:26:15 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/how-to-cope-with-being-the-other-woman/#comment-33448 Sorry i've not been on in a while but my computer was broke. I just really really need to vent. I'm sitting here like a fucking idiot waiting on my mm to come up and he has just text me telling me he's going to be late so we should just leave it tonight. I'm so fucking angry. Who does he think he is. I've not seen or heard from him in three days and he pulls this stunt. I have seriously had enough of this shit. Usually when something like this happens, i'm on the phone to him or texting him but instead i'm doing this. That him just text me and i'm talking to you guys and ignoring him. So thank-you. He's wanting to come up now but he can kiss my ass. I just feel like i've took as much as i can take. Why do they push to this? Do you's think they do it to see how far they can push you? I'm sure they do. I need to stay strong. He can't treat me this way. It's up to me to change it. He has absolutely no regard for me, he thinks i'm just going to be here waiting for him whenevr he decides well i'm taking control now. I am no-ones doormat. Thank-you all for letting me vent and keeping me strong x Sorry i’ve not been on in a while but my computer was broke. I just really really need to vent. I’m sitting here like a fucking idiot waiting on my mm to come up and he has just text me telling me he’s going to be late so we should just leave it tonight. I’m so fucking angry. Who does he think he is. I’ve not seen or heard from him in three days and he pulls this stunt. I have seriously had enough of this shit. Usually when something like this happens, i’m on the phone to him or texting him but instead i’m doing this. That him just text me and i’m talking to you guys and ignoring him. So thank-you. He’s wanting to come up now but he can kiss my ass. I just feel like i’ve took as much as i can take. Why do they push to this? Do you’s think they do it to see how far they can push you? I’m sure they do. I need to stay strong. He can’t treat me this way. It’s up to me to change it. He has absolutely no regard for me, he thinks i’m just going to be here waiting for him whenevr he decides well i’m taking control now. I am no-ones doormat.
Thank-you all for letting me vent and keeping me strong x

]]> By: Deb http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/deleted/comment-page-15/#comment-32305 Deb Tue, 24 Apr 2007 17:22:54 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/how-to-cope-with-being-the-other-woman/#comment-32305 dam it i lost internet connection tried to post and now i have two post on here,, sorry guys dam it i lost internet connection tried to post and now i have two post on here,, sorry guys

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