Desperation And Naïveté—Don’t Mix Them! A Pathetic But True Story.
August 8, 2006 by NYM
There is a 25 year old woman (Let’s call her “C”) living somewhere in the Midwest who is terribly upset because she’s being harassed, threatened and verbally abused on a regular basis. Not to mention the fact that she’s wasting away to almost nothing, and cries every month when she discovers that she’s not yet pregnant. Why is this poor soul being tortured? What has she done to deserve such a hard time? She stole someone’s husband. Do I think she deserves what she’s getting? Yes. Do I feel sorry for her? No. Well, maybe just a little? But only a teeny tiny little bit. Here’s the story:
“C” was 23 when she attended her sister’s wedding. (Her sister got married when she was 25 to a man 10 years older than her who she dated for only 6 months before getting married because she was desperate and wanted nothing more than to get married and have babies. Less than 3 years later she’s more miserable than she could have ever imagined…but that’s a story for another day.) She met her sister’s husband’s 40 year old best friend at the wedding. Though he was married, he attended the wedding alone. His wife of 16 years stayed home because she had just given birth to their 4th child 2 weeks prior.
After watching him get sloppy drunk and dance on tables for 6 hours, she developed a mad crush for him and they proceeded to have an affair. Shortly thereafter, he left his wife, moved in with her, and got a divorce. The second he could remarry, they held a small ceremony in the Caribbean. This all happened in less than two years. And, oh…have I mentioned that he’s a traveling salesman?
His ex-wife became unglued. Understandably. After all…she spent the last 16 years of her life staying at home, squirting out his children, raising and caring for his children, cooking for the family, and cleaning his house while he went gallivanting all over the United States selling stuff. Then the b*stard has the audacity to abandon her with his 4 off-spring for a woman half his age. She moved to the next state over to be closer to her family. This made him upset because instead of a 10 minute drive away, his children were a 2 hour drive away. (What the hell did he expect?) So he got them every other weekend. “C” drives with him to pick up the children and to take them back. She does this in spite of the fact that each and every time the ex-wife runs out of the house and tries to drag “C” out of the car and calls her a whore and a slut and every other name in the book. She even makes up some words. Hell—I would too! Oh, and the ex-wife got a really good lawyer.
I’d also like to mention that this gem of a man had gotten a vasectomy right before his last child was born. Of course, he had it reversed after “C” and he were married. Duh. Who does he think he is, Kevin Federline? Spreading his seed all over. Yuck.
Why does he say he left his wife? Why does “C” tell everyone he left his wife? Well, for all of the logical reasons, of course. She was lazy. He had to do all of the work. He had to take care of the kids. She wanted to sleep in every morning. She was too tired to do anything. He was sick of living with someone who didn’t have a college degree. AND…after giving birth to 4 of his children, she had gained weight.
Am I the only person who thinks he should be publicly castrated?
I know up at the top of this column I said that I feel a teeny tiny bit sorry for her. Just the teeniest tiniest bit. That’s because she is a product of a society that teaches girls that the greatest thing to which they should aspire is a husband and babies. She’s a product of a society that teaches girls that their self-esteem hinges on attention from men. She’s a product of a society that pushes sacchariney sweet romantic bullsh*t on girls. She’s a product of a society that creates naïve young women who will believe any lovey dovey crap that men tell them. She’s a product of a mother who taught her that women who aren’t married by their late 20’s are pathetic spinsters. She’s the naïve victim of a male predator who wanted a new piece of younger ass, and she was too stupid to resist him.
Should she have known better than to date and sleep with a married man? Hell yes. Do I feel sorry for her that this creep’s ex-wife goes crazy on her? No way! But, karma is a bitch and things have a way of coming around and biting you in the arse.
As I mentioned above, she weighs about 3 pounds. That’s due to all of the stress and due to the fact that he constantly talks about the weight his ex-wife gained. She’s afraid to eat lest he leave her. Also, deep down (or maybe not so deep down), she always has the nagging suspicion that she can’t trust him. Why? Because he cheated on his ex-wife with her!
The way this thing is going to play out is that, after she gets pregnant and squirts out one or more of his kids and she becomes a mother and quits her job to raise her brood, she’ll turn into exactly what his wife did. She won’t be the (relatively) carefree career girl for whom he left his wife. She’ll be a stay at home mother involved in raising her children and he’ll have to share her time and affections. He’ll then cheat on her (if he already hasn’t) and leave her for some other woman. He did it before and he’ll do it again. So, in the end, “C” will end up exactly how his first ex-wife has. I hope she’ll get a good lawyer.
Oh, and the moral of this story? Stay away from married men, don’t fall for their BS, and don’t be desperate!
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Lawd have mercy! That story grabbed me on so many levels. Oh what a tangled web C has woven. You’re right, she will find it quite hard to trust this ‘traveling salesman’. I can sense how upset & vindictive the wife must be. It’s just a huge pickle all around.
So I believe one can’t blame a girl for searching happiness - even if she is desperate and naive. Plus, she really had and still has her share of bullshit.
Do I feel sorry for her? YES.
Do I think she shouldn’t have done it? Do I think she should have been less stupid, less egoistic, less everything…? Do I think there are other ways to happiness? ABSOLUTELY.
But hey, mistakes are mistakes and she’ll regret it. I bet she regrets it this very minute.
Nevertheless, it is more HIS fault than it is hers. She wasn’t married - and as long as she isn’t in a relationship she can sleep with whoever she wants. He however had a responsibility - his wife and his kids.
Where is his punishment in this story?
He gets to fuck around - marry around - and leave when it’s not convenient anymore.
It’s women who suffer - not him.
You can’t castrate someone for doing what he was made to do. That’s like shooting your dog, for being a dog. Men lie, cheat, and given the right opportunity, and circumstance, will sleep with just about anyone. If he’s not doing it, he’s thinking about doing it. And married guys are the worst offenders.
It is this stinking badger’s opinion, that if more women would wake up and realize this, there would be less problems, because you would be able to keep a tighter rein on your man.
If you begin to notice that your man is not paying attention to you, like he used to do, it’s because he has probably lost interest. Your choices are;A) do something to make yourself more interesting to him, such as get back in shape, get a makeover, or spice up your sex life B) let things continue as they are, until he finds someone else, and wind up asking yourself what happened, six months down the road. C)plan ahead, and have a lawyer, and PI on retainer, so you can nail his ass, when he slips up, and he will, because let’s face it, some guys just aren’t too bright.
I forgot to mention, that if yours is the personality type, who likes to nag, forget it, because it’s probably too late. Nagging is THE worst thing, a woman can do to her guy.
It is not up to women to police men and themselves. It’s up to each person to manage their own lives.
Do feel sorry for the women involved. Him, well, he’s in his own hell, he just doesn’t know it yet.
NYM you’re right about society brainwashing women to get married young etc.–my own mother nagged me mercilessly about this and it’s why I finally married guy #6 who asked me to (the ex). Didn’t love him and found out later he didn’t love me either, it was just time and the thing to do. Wonder if this is common? Am betting it is. But here is where values come into play.
Staying married is complicated and there are a lot of ‘forces’ involved. Just following your gonads is a fairly easy thing to do, especially if you don’t have custody of kids and a limitless supply of cash. Of course, that’s usually not the case.
In this case, the two women can be as angry as they want to be with each other–that man is going to keep on going ’spreading seed’ all over the place leaving more babies and tired women in his wake. HE is the issue, not them. Both of them are victims. Hell, he probably has high school victims too.
Castration/Vasectomy would be a nice start for ‘men’ like that, but it wouldn’t address the emotional damage that such types cause. They are SALESmen. And that’s what they do. There’s another term for it–dismissing attachers. The kind that cheat on their honeymoons? Yea, them.
My ex is, last I heard, on his fourth wife. He had girlfriends while we were married, hell I have no idea how far back this goes. Of his three siblings two are also divorced.
Not all men are like this. I know plenty of them.
ALLLLL men are the same. Some are just better liars.
NYM,
You are OBSESSED with the war between the sexes.
OBSESSED!
That’s it.
All that drama bullshit is best left to junior- high students and pre-teens that watch too much MTV.
do something to make yourself more interesting to him, such as get back in shape, get a makeover, or spice up your sex life
I have to diagree with you, Badgerbob. Why should the woman have to put herself out like that if the man is the problem? I say confront him, if he lies or confesses to cheating, kick him to the curb and save the makeover for someone who’s worth it.
Amused, unfortunately, there are some who walk amongst you , who are not quite as strong, or savvy, as you appear to be.
Say!!!! I like a strong, smart gal. If your free this Friday, would you like to go with me to my High school dance. I promise to amuse and delight you.
That is , if my mom say’s it ok.
BB, who or what do YOU couple with?
just curious
Well Nancy, in the past, I have coupled with various females from all walks of life, but these days, I am putting those adventures on hold, as I am held spellbound, by the rants, and writings of the lovely Nym.
Say!!! Was your question, meant to be a lead-in to an offer of adventure?
When is the new book coming out? I am a Hardy Boy’s fan myself, but I believe you have teamed up with them in the past.
Best regards;
BB
Well, I think that is a sad story but I think that the media over-inflates this Man leaves Wife for younger woman saga.
I have been around the block enough times to know,that women cheat too. And sometimes they cheat in REALLY AWFUL ways just like men.
I don’t agree that every man would do this. Some men like to say “hey, that’s the way we are made” but that is bullshit.
Many men may have flirted and danced,many men may have even had a one nighter in this situation. Many men would have been completely faithful to their wives or would have stayed home to begin with. You can’t hate all men based on this one situation. This particular guy is a jerk, and, unfortunately for his wife, she didn’t catch on early enough to his asshole-ish-ness.
Also, my advice to the ex-wife.Move on! Don’t give those two people one more minute of your life.
also…
to the person who says that the single person can sleep with whoever they want to including married or committed folks: that is SOOOO wrong!
if you help someone cheat,that is just as bad as cheating.
i just think we should all admit monogamy and commitment is hard sometimes.
in order to stay monogamous, you have to be committed to the marriage,not the person you are married to!! you can’t wander just because someone starts to bore you!
Badgerbob,
Is this a formal proposal?
BB in no way was that an offer, just morbid curiosity.
Which has since fled.
Nym, any time, any place.
Nancy, ouch! Was it my crack about the Hardy Boys?
No bickering in the comments, children!
I don’t feel all that sorry for the girl - if she knew he was married, she should have turned her attention elsewhere. I do think the ex-wife is attacking the wrong person, though. She wants to kick someone’s ass, it ought to be HIS. And what about her kids? Are they seeing all of this behavior???
It is possible that all men may feel the urge to cheat (or to sleep with anything that looks twice at them). However, part of being a mature, responsible person is resisting our baser urges. Many of us may often feel the urge to throttle someone - but we don’t DO it. Just sayin’.
[...] Someone who commented on last week’s column mentioned that a single woman does not carry any burden of guilt or culpability for having an affair with a married man, since he is the one who is in a relationship, not her. But, isn’t that what wedding rings are for. To let others know that the person is taken. People in committed relationships are off limits to other people whether they’re single or not. Everyone has their weak moments. So if someone with a wedding ring hits on you, maybe you have to be the strong person. But aside from that, for what reason would a woman want to get involved with a married man or any man in a relationship (ie a Mr. Unavailable) with another woman? If he’s lying and cheating on someone, he’ll do it to the next person. [...]
I agree with everything in the article right up to the point where the author predicts the future in how it’s going to play out. Here’s what I see…
I think a few years down the road, C’s gonna wake up and realize she may be a slut, but she’s a healthy slut, far younger and stronger than psycho X-wife! And the next time psycho X calls her nasty names and tries to drag her out of the car, she’s going to let her! She’ll then let psycho X take the first punch, so that after she finishes beating psycho X to a bloody pulp, C can claim it was in “self-defense”! Had psycho X directed her anger and violence at “low-life cheating old coot” instead where it belonged, by that time, C might have not only empathized with psycho X, but the 2 of them could have beaten “low-life, cheating old coot” to a bloody pulp together!
Realizing what an idiot she was, and not wanting to waste the remainder of her beauty and youth on an abusive nasty “low-life cheating old coot” who now needs viagra just to get it up, C then starts cheating on him with “Surferdude”, the hottie on the beach with those washboard ripped abs of his which are almost as rockhard as his ____.
After C and Surferdude “do it” in every room, countertop, appliance, and piece of furniture in “low-life cheating old coot’s” house, he comes home and catches them! Just as they’re finishing up round 10 of the morning “doing it” on his clothing! When old coot gets mad, they laugh! Old coot couldn’t take C in a fight, much less Surferdude, and they already hid his gun! When old coot threatens “I’ll see you in court!”, they laugh even harder cause it’s a “no-fault” divorce state!
After kicking old coot out, C and Sufferdude live rather nicely on the child support payments they receive for the baby C was finally able to conceive, too bad old coot never did figure out who was the real father of that baby.
C then meets Surferdude’s dad, who’s also a surfing fanatic and tells C how he’s always longed for a woman large enough to slap on the butt, and ride the wave in! So C introduces him to psycho X, and it’s love at first slap! So C becomes best friends with psycho X, who confides in her that old coot isn’t really the father of her 4 children either!
As far as old coot goes, well, with having to now make child support payments to 2 X-wives, even if he could find someone stupid enough to want to have sex with him, he couldn’t do it if he wanted to because he doesn’t have any money to buy his Viagra! All 5 kids hate him, but guess that doesn’t really matter as they’re not his anyway. So old coot spends the rest of his pathetic, miserable life living a life……..oh, who cares!
The end