You said, “he said he hadn’t intended to hurt me.” I’m sorry that isn’t a satisfactory answer to what he did.

Everything is very close to my situation, except I was not included in the holidays, that was reserved for the ex-wife (who rejected and hurt him ) and adult children.

You can’t stay friends with these guys, as they will try to reel you right back in. I guarantee you will be on the same roller coaster ride if you agree to a friendship.

Did you ask him why he pursued you if he knew he had a problem??

Jaren, how did you meet him? Online dating or a bar etc.

I was told that a guy has a responsibility, when dating, to have fun. If it isn’t fun, he is responsible for walking away - that might be what happened.

If you want a life mate, then the first thing you would be looking for would be character, and aptitude, and skills that a life-mate should have. Good emotional bonds in his life, children and animals in his care thrive, he is dependable as the sunset at end of day. He may not be big on gifts or romance, but you never doubt his respect for you. Honor and care for others is a big part of his life.

When you start out dating as a way to find “that special someone” you have to make the dates work, *and* know that you and your partner are interested in being life-mates, *and* at some important moment - you both change. You change from dating for social recreation to courtship to build a home and family.

It almost sounds like you got to the point where you should have changed from dating to courtship and demand to already be at a life-mate stage without actually making the change - and he wasn’t aware of your changes, and hasn’t found a need within himself to also change.

I find the odds of both daters being interested in, and capable of, changing to a courtship at anywhere near the same time is slim. Often daters are just that - perpetual daters, with no concept of a long-term relationship, and no interest in anything more than a live-in “convenient” dating lifestyle.

I have also been told that relationships are 100% and completely unbalanced. That is, a relationship is all the woman’s responsibility, and all on his terms. The flip side is that if she isn’t please with him - she drops him for someone worthwhile. His responsibility? If she doesn’t make dating fun for him (that is, enjoyable, not the same as intimate), he is responsible for leaving. Once there are promises and vows, and a home, then things begin to balance. Each becomes responsible for the care and nurture of everyone.

And that is another danger of dating for too long. A date is always with a guest. You don’t learn to belong to each other, or to feel at home - the invitation can be withdrawn just because someone is unhappy - or loses interest. I hear people talk about how you need to date for years to get to know someone, and I wonder why you don’t use other means to learn whether they are a reasonable partner prospect. Things like getting to know his friends and family, and observing how function those ties are. Things like learning how well respected he and his work are where he works. In a small community you have other reputations and circles to keep your eyes on.

I know breaking things off hurts. But if you aren’t happy making him happy - then you are both facing the problem that your relationship isn’t working for both of you. No one ever knows “the whole story”, but this guy just sounds unhappy and honest. Not every relationship works out. Sorry.