Girls, there’s a little secret that some of your boyfriends/husbands are hiding. They’re gay. No matter what country you live in, most societies still ostracize anyone who is not strictly heterosexual. This leads to some men making the unfortunate decision to try to do what society wants by getting married to women and having a ‘normal’ family life. As we all know, marriage cannot change what nature has created and many of these men end up feeling conflicted and emotionally tortured.
How do I know all of this? Because many of my gay friends have sexual trysts with married men on a regular basis! While there is a small number of men who are completely straight acting and could fool anyone with the most advanced gaydar system, there is an even larger number of men who’s hips have more swing than a Six Flags amusement park. Girls, I don’t care what anyone says, there is no such thing as an effeminate straight man.
If you think you’re found a sensitive, caring man who isn’t a sex fiend because you’ve been dating for 6 months and he hasn’t tried to sleep with you, he’s gay. No man is THAT considerate. If you’re married to a man and his behavior has all the earmarks of an affair, it may not be with a woman.
Since my best gay friend sleeps with a seemingly enormous number of married men each month, he’s helped me to compile some tips. The top 20 reasons your man may be gay. Now, it’s obvious that much of this list is tongue in cheek, but there are serious signs mixed in also. This is a real issue for many women of which our gender needs to be aware.
– He will not touch you or reluctantly touches you.
– He listens to showtunes, Madonna, Cher, Judy Garland, and Barbra Streisand.
– His profession is one of the following: visual merchandiser, interior decorator, florist, event planner, ballet dancer, piano bar singer, beautician, CEO of a major fashion or cosmetics label, or works at Bloomingdale’s, Saks Fifth Avenue or Barney’s.
– Doesn’t know what the difference is between a tight end and a fullback
– You’re out in the park playing baseball and all he wants to do is to be in the outfield.
– He says he’s ‘metrosexual’ but he’s had more manicures and pedicures in the last month than you’ve had in the last year.
– You go shopping and he knows more about designer handbags than you do.
– He owns more designer handbags than you do.
– You go to the video store and he suggests a chick flick.
– You look over during the mushy part of the chick flick and he asks you for a tissue.
– He owns plaid Ralph Lauren shorts that he likes to wear with a pink polo with the collar up and penny loafers without socks. And he’s put the pennies in.
– You come home from work and he’s redecorated in a pink motif.
– You go to a bar and he orders a cosmopolitan.
– He punctuates every sentence with, ‘But I’m not gay.’
– You go shopping and he knows the difference between 400 and 600 count Egyptian and Suprema cotton.
– He wears male cosmetics.
– You open his medicine cabinet and he’s got more skin and hair products than you do.
– His favorite talk shows are Oprah and Ellen.
– He has a collection of John Waters DVD’s.
– You go to Starbucks and he orders a tall, double-cup, extra hot, no foam, soy, sugar-free vanilla latte.
New York Moments is our regular columnist and armchair psychologist and for more of her feisty, no BS posts, please visit her blog