Girls, there’s a little secret that some of your boyfriends/husbands are hiding. They’re gay. No matter what country you live in, most societies still ostracize anyone who is not strictly heterosexual. This leads to some men making the unfortunate decision to try to do what society wants by getting married to women and having a ‘normal’ family life. As we all know, marriage cannot change what nature has created and many of these men end up feeling conflicted and emotionally tortured.

How do I know all of this? Because many of my gay friends have sexual trysts with married men on a regular basis! While there is a small number of men who are completely straight acting and could fool anyone with the most advanced gaydar system, there is an even larger number of men who’s hips have more swing than a Six Flags amusement park. Girls, I don’t care what anyone says, there is no such thing as an effeminate straight man.

If you think you’re found a sensitive, caring man who isn’t a sex fiend because you’ve been dating for 6 months and he hasn’t tried to sleep with you, he’s gay. No man is THAT considerate. If you’re married to a man and his behavior has all the earmarks of an affair, it may not be with a woman.

Since my best gay friend sleeps with a seemingly enormous number of married men each month, he’s helped me to compile some tips. The top 20 reasons your man may be gay. Now, it’s obvious that much of this list is tongue in cheek, but there are serious signs mixed in also. This is a real issue for many women of which our gender needs to be aware.

– He will not touch you or reluctantly touches you.
– He listens to showtunes, Madonna, Cher, Judy Garland, and Barbra Streisand.
– His profession is one of the following: visual merchandiser, interior decorator, florist, event planner, ballet dancer, piano bar singer, beautician, CEO of a major fashion or cosmetics label, or works at Bloomingdale’s, Saks Fifth Avenue or Barney’s.
– Doesn’t know what the difference is between a tight end and a fullback
– You’re out in the park playing baseball and all he wants to do is to be in the outfield.
– He says he’s ‘metrosexual’ but he’s had more manicures and pedicures in the last month than you’ve had in the last year.
– You go shopping and he knows more about designer handbags than you do.
– He owns more designer handbags than you do.
– You go to the video store and he suggests a chick flick.
– You look over during the mushy part of the chick flick and he asks you for a tissue.
– He owns plaid Ralph Lauren shorts that he likes to wear with a pink polo with the collar up and penny loafers without socks. And he’s put the pennies in.
– You come home from work and he’s redecorated in a pink motif.
– You go to a bar and he orders a cosmopolitan.
– He punctuates every sentence with, ‘But I’m not gay.’
– You go shopping and he knows the difference between 400 and 600 count Egyptian and Suprema cotton.
– He wears male cosmetics.
– You open his medicine cabinet and he’s got more skin and hair products than you do.
– His favorite talk shows are Oprah and Ellen.
– He has a collection of John Waters DVD’s.
– You go to Starbucks and he orders a tall, double-cup, extra hot, no foam, soy, sugar-free vanilla latte.

New York Moments is our regular columnist and armchair psychologist and for more of her feisty, no BS posts, please visit her blog

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17 Responses to Guest Post: Does Your Man Have A Secret? – How To Tell If Your Boyfriend is Gay

  1. Ronnie says:

    i think that’s not entirely true. Some men have the following traits because they have grew up & associated with being metrosexual, & to a certain degree bought into feminised consumerism & media, but doesn’t mean they’re gay

  2. Amber says:

    Do you know my ex?!?!? seriously….you just listed so many of his traits…its scary.

  3. Badgerbob says:

    Ronnie, I think your comment should be reason #21 on the list. That’s pretty gay.

    …”If you think you’re found a sensitive, caring man who isn’t a sex fiend because you’ve been dating for 6 months and he hasn’t tried to sleep with you, he’s gay”…
    Yup! Or a momma”s boy, which is equivalent to the same thing.

  4. carolina says:

    This is scaring me to death. The man I’m getting ready to marry has most of these traits. What should I do?

  5. Akira says:

    Umm, my boyfriend of 5 months is gothic, so…. yeah. I’m confused, sorts. He has a metro older brother, a bi triplet, longer hair than me and looks like a girl(vampire-girl). He’s very goth (long black nails, natural porcelain skin, eyeliner etc etc) so I don’t know if these things count! Anyone wanna help me out here?

  6. Claire says:

    Erm Badgerbob, why do you think mummies boys means the same thing as gay? I’m getting scared now, I suppose i’ve been worried that my boyfriend could be bisexual although he hasn’t done anything i can put my finger on and he’s 100% football obsessed but he is 40 and still lives with his mum!!

  7. Angela says:

    My x boyfriend keeps on insisting that he isnt gay ,but i know he is from the way he dresses to the way he touches guys.what do i do?and its been a year.

  8. Boo-T-Full says:

    Oooooh…that’s scary. I’m about to confront the guy I’ve been with about his sexuality issue. I had my suspicions but when his own relatives confirmed it, it was a wrap! I don’t judge no one or their preference but, don’t deceive me and put my life in danger. I actually set up a fake online dating profile as a man to set him up, and he’s already taking the bait. Sucker! I can’t wait until I get confirmation so I can print it up and shove it in his face.

  9. Amanda says:

    I have no idea how I came across this website. This website and all of it’s information is not even close to being true. Maybe you girls are just attracted to gay guys. OR maybe your just not what the guy wants…and you turn him. My guy, is NOT gay. You girls need to move to the south.

  10. rosie says:

    I have been dating a (white) man for about four years,40’s who is very sensitive gentle and caring.(also VERY independant)He was married to a Korean female for about 23 yrs and was VERY unhappy(he said)They divorced. I recently caught him at his home with a large realistic rubber cock up his ass in front of his computer which had a picture of a young asian male in different poses he had his underware on and was pulling his cock and fucking himself,he has always told me he finds gay sex disgusting etc and has never had anything up his ass (b/c i wanted to play with it)im female).Seeing him was a very uncomfortable moment and we did not speak of it much, he did not think i saw the cock or porn,i was too surprised to say anything,he thinks i saw him just touching himself and he thinks i saw a female on the screen, and it was his birthday, guess he gave himself a present?H e has told me he had taken the test to see if you are gay and he says he is not, he volunteered this info,I am an independant pretty female,fit and busy,live in a small town,hard to meet quality men, I dont know what to think and i am worried he is just with me to be correct etc.I know I need to talk to him ,but im afraid.

  11. Rosie,

    Why would a straight man have to take a test to find out whether or not he was gay? Erm…if he’s sleeping with you, he’s playing on both teams, Honey.

  12. NML says:

    Rosie, I have actually created a post especially for you as I am so shocked and concerned for you. I hope that you find the answers that you’re looking for and at the very least, pay attention to what is in front of your eyes. Good luck!

  13. Lux says:

    Geez, can’t people be *bisexual*? Although… the couple guys I know who are bisexual are pretty randy – f*ck anything that moves types. Whatever the other traits are, the key is if he doesn’t want to touch YOU, that’s more the problem than anything else. Even if he’s straight, if he doesn’t want to touch you, there’s something wrong with the relationship.

  14. nyemade says:

    A year ago i cut ties with someone who is very likely gay etc. but i’m still emotionally attached to him…i regret the way things ended…not that i still want to be with him but i can’t explain it, i think i really did love him…probably still do…we were very close and i really adored him…we were together for almost two years but it was just always a back and forth with us. i know what i saw…just feel like i lost someone who mattered to me but i cant change who he is and can’t change what we both did to hurt each other. Just not sure how to let go. Im a pretty busy person and don’t even live in the same state with him anymore, how do i get rid of the regret and feeling of loss?

  15. al says:

    Y’know girls, I see plenty of married guys wheeling strollers around NYC,while their wives walk ahead yakking incessantly about inane garbage, “like you know, like she said, like I can’t believe…….,” you want sensitive when it suits you, macho when it suits you, sex is always a political contest. Guys cook and take care of the house and children very often because the women can’t or won’t, and of course, that’s the way it should be. Yes, feminism has shown us guys that we can be nurturers and nesters too…maybe even better ones. Women can be just as pushy, arrogant, and agressive as men …even more so. So in reality, the only difference between gay and straight is just a matter of plumbing. It kinda makes you wonder what’s really going on when men get better TLC from their guy friends than from their girl friends.

  16. A Gay Boyfriend says:

    Wow this is the most stereotyping rubbish I have ever read! Is your boyfriend femine should be what this called, that or a raving queen?

    Just cause someone is gay it does not mean they have any of these traits at all.
    My evidence: One of my best friends is very very feminine, he has the voice worries about his looks, uses cosmetics all that jazz. But on the other hand he is obsessed with boobs, loves his girlfriend, but was brought up in a home with the three other females and no other male.
    My other piece of evidence: I am a gay boyfriend. My girlfriend had no idea I was gay. Why? Because I know what a fullback and a tight HEAD (not end) is, I was a loose head in rugby. I compete in contact sports, I don’t own handbags, I detest shopping. The most cosmetics I own is lynx, and I don’t bother using shampoo, shower gel does exactly the same thing. I didn’t even recognize most of the brand names listed here or anything.

    I am greatly offended by this ‘test’. Ladies if you wanna know if your boyfriend is the most feminine man on the planet, by all means follow this test, but it has no relation to sexuality at all.

    Chances are if your boyfriend is gay, he wouldn’t be going out with a girl. The only likelyhood is that he’s perhaps a closeted bisexual or is just a bit bicurious. Ask him if he’d ever consider having a threesome…ask him if he’d ever consider having a threesome with another guy. That would be a better test.

    But why bother testing in the first place, for him to be with you he obviously wants to be with you, even if he may like guys too, he likes you more, otherwise he wouldn’t be with you. If he wanted to be with a guy, he wouldn’t be seeing a girl!!!

  17. Veronica says:

    People lie- say and do things all the time that they don’t want, aren’t really that serious about, or end up changing their mind about later on. So saying that a person wouldn’t do something if they didn’t want to or because they like you better is complete rubbish!

    And whilst some people might be born gay, the times do show that it is more acceptable to be gay/bi and especially younger people experiment just for the hell of it. I known chicks who were crazy about guys, had a bad experience with being hurt, then decided to try being a “lesbian,” then decided to go back to being straight. I just think people don’t know what the hell they want and do things just because they can. Truth is, people want to be accepted, loved, and fucked. If you swing both ways, it doubles the chances of all of the aforementioned.

    … I just really don’t trust people period. People lie with words and live double lives with their actions, so actions don’t even prove anything.

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Tired of dealing with family drama or waiting for them to spontaneously combust in to changed people? Need to find ways to step back and take proactive steps to redefine the relationship from your end? This 30-Day project will help you do just that.