Many of us put a lot of emphasis on the first couple of months of the year by inadvertently believing that if we’re going to have the year we want, we’ve got to get things right up front. We start the year all perky and full of gusto: This year’s going to be different. It’s a new year and a new me. I’m going to be optimistic and attract a different life. Next thing, as life tends to do, something goes awry, or… life doesn’t look the way we pictured it.
Maybe we have a dream about our ex and we attach the meaning that we’re not over him/her and that we’ve carted what we thought were our forgotten feelings for them into 2014. In our minds, we pictured that if we were going to get off on the right footing, we wouldn’t think of our ex and we wouldn’t have to make efforts to not chase after thoughts.
Maybe we experience a trauma or have a series of stresses and unfortunate incidences and decide that there’s no point in gradually dealing with these and recovering because we decide that there’s no point.
Why should I bother changing unhealthy beliefs? I tried to think positive and I still ended up stressed / hurt / disappointed etc.
Sometimes we fall into the trap of believing that because we’re trying to project a sunny attitude or are making changes, that we have the power to control the uncontrollable.
I’m trying to think happy thoughts and squash down negativity – why are things still happening to piss me off?
Maybe we feel tempted to go back to an unhealthy relationship and even if we don’t act upon it, we shame ourselves over having even thought of it, forgetting that we’re only human and that it would be more useful to look at what the trigger was for feeling this way.
Or maybe, despite having started 2014 resolving to do better by us, a week in and we’ve fallen off the wagon. Now we’re thinking, Well I’ve started so I may as well finish, as if to suggest that a wobble or a fall makes for a waste of time. Sometimes we’re so busy berating ourselves for not having handled something or for slipping into an old habit that we continue on a poor course of thinking and behaviour in the hopes that maybe we can make something good come out of it. It becomes about making a return on investment when we actually stand to make more from folding.
Don’t write off the year over a bad day, week or choice in the early part of the year. Hell, don’t do it at any point in the year. You do it and you end up growing weeds instead of nurturing and growing seeds.
Many people judge themselves so harshly over these, colouring their perception of their options and distorting their self-image. It’s as if they believe that it’s wrong to hit inevitable bumps in the road and that they have to get things right first time because in their minds, they’re all out of chances. It causes them to predict that the past will be the future and if they don’t get perspective, it has a domino effect on their subsequent thinking and choices.
Writing off time that hasn’t happened is a trap anyway. No matter what the time of year is (beginning, middle or end), thinking this way means you’re going to do the proverbial throwing the baby out with the bath water. It’s a disproportionate response that clouds learning, growth and ultimately your recovery.
It’s not a bad day, rough week, or a dodgy choice that makes the year a write-off – it’s your mentality and actions that decide this and these can be changed. It’s too much to expect that there won’t be eff up’s or that life will occur according to the predetermined picture and plan in your head. You will get back up. You’ve successfully managed to do this on every day of your life so far so keep your eyes on what matters – you and this on the job training experience that is life. Aiming to have a perfect grade year is a futile pursuit!
I just wanted to give a shout out to all of you who are affected by adverse weather conditions. Talk about extreme weather! Stay safe! Big squeezy extra-warm hugs!