Even Sonia Jackson’s Got a Man

April 4, 2006 by NML

natalie casside=y There is a character called Sonia Jackson in the great British institution, Eastenders. She’s not what you would consider to be beautiful, in fact many, especially our cruel British press consider her to be a plain Jane, but in the show, despite barely being into her early 20s, she has managed to be engaged to the hottest guy on the Square, who subsequently died, plus she then got married to the guy that actually ran over the previous fiancé, and now she has left her hubby for her best mate to be…yes a lesbian. This character is having more action than a toilet seat! (Sorry to American readers who are behind us in the US!) When one of my close friends is lamenting woes with the male species, she always wisecracks, ‘Even Sonia Jackson’s got a man!’

Now this is a character, but the reality is that we see women who we don’t consider to be as ‘wonderful’ as ourselves in the looks department, hooked up all the time and happy. I’m not saying all of them, but if you’ve never seen a hot guy and thought ‘What the hell is he doing with her?’ you’re not getting out often enough. I think we all have a woman, possibly a famous one, or maybe someone we went to school or go to work with that we measure ourselves against. At the very least, we have a our own internal barometer of ‘beauty’ and for my friend it’s the Sonia Jackson character.
It’s not about looks and someone who in our eyes looks like she has been hit by the ugly bus, is just as entitled to love with a guy who is ‘amazing’ looking, as a woman who appears to have been blessed with most of the looks that God was handing out and forgot to give out to others, however I do think ‘looks’ and expectations which often stem from them have a large part to play in why many people cannot find happiness in a relationship.
I’ve just started reading Unhooked Generation by Jillian Strauss, which is supposed to tell the truth about why we’re single, and it’s proving to be a rather interesting read with some new twists on the issues we face with dating and relationships, but there is one overriding feeling that becomes very prevalent about men and women today: We really need an enormous ego check.
I often hear men talking about fat women, thin women, blondes, big lips, big boobs, ginormous boobs, tall, petite, intelligent, not too intelligent, and I have to blink a few times and check that I’m not seeing things when I note that they are far from being hot guys themselves. Is it my imagination or has the whole world lost the run of themselves and developed a seriously inflated ego? When did we start thinking so overtly highly of ourselves and start feeling so entitled!?
Is it possible that the reason why some people, particularly those that aren’t beauty pageant contestants and more average Jane’s and Joe’s are finding relationships, is because they are keeping it real and hence their expectations aren’t so inflated by their ego’s, which means that they don’t present the same barriers to relationships? Do they enjoy what they have instead of looking over their mates shoulder wondering if a better, more perfect model that meets a predetermined specification exists around the corner?
We often see people that we consider to be really good looking, beautiful even, that are alone. There are people that are considered to be a hotbed of personality, and good looking, and brilliant at their careers, plus well off financially that are alone. Yes it’s sometimes circumstantial, but often it’s because with the perception that you have more than the average person to offer, comes inflated expectations. There is also the notion that there may be something better out there and the quest for perfection can become even more prevalent.
Our expectations about dating and relationships, whether they are balanced, too low, inflated, or grossly out of proportion, are reflective of our sense of self, even it they have evolved out of insecurity. The bigger our expectations, the bigger that ego is, and ego’s, like the penis, do get things wrong and can be misguided. Just like it’s not about the size of the boat, but the motion in the ocean; it’s not about whether someone meets your list of expectations, but whether they even like YOU in the first place. You are a person, not a list of demands. We are adaptable creatures, so whilst we don’t have to adapt to people that mistreat us, such as wifebeaters and other types of abuser, irresponsible men, or emotionally unavailable men, it won’t kill us to spend time around someone who’s hair is an inch shorter than what you’d prefer, who likes to be chilled out instead of an animal in the boardroom, or who wants to be the man and pay for the date without you bleating on about women’s lib, or going into a sulk because he actually took you up on your offer of paying half the bill!
I think we need to check our ego’s at the door and take a long hard look in the mirror at ourselves. I can guarantee that not one of us is staring at perfect. As for expectations, you can expect all you want, but you can also expect that it’s likely that people will fall short of your rigorous expectations, that ultimately, you wouldn’t want someone to place on you! So expect a little less of the superficial things in life, and see what happens. You just never know – You could be engaged twice, married and then run off with a lesbian lover in no time!