I know that i will have a hard time at first but i decided to block ac/eum from my cell phone, at least that will help me to stay strong and not accept his calls. Which i may add run hot and cold. Its so interesting to me that so many people are in my boat. Thank u ladies for sharing you stories they really are helpful.
It seems that everytime I say to myself this is it, I deserve better, all he has to do is call and I am on the phone all gooey. Whats with that? I then think oh, he must really miss me and realise how good I am. I really want to get through this. I believe with the help of this site and me trying to stay focused on me and focusing on how much better my life will be, i am going to make it. Thank you all….I am humbled by this reality, that it is ME. I think I have to understand that it is not that if I love him enough or I say nothing and go with his program that this will work out. I need to accept that it won’t no matter what i do and when he finally does call and blames me something, I need to understand that it is NOT me needing to be more understanding. It is him having no regard for me and my feelings. So I am on day #1 of the ncr. The road seems long right now but I must have faith in this site and all you ladies that nc and no explanation is the right thing for me to do. He wll think what he wants with an explanation or not. My prayers are with all of you and my congraduations to the ones who have already made it!!! I hope that I will be on the other side looking back with a rich full happy life, again!!!

” I need to figure out why am I always getting women who are looking for a fixer upper ”

Thing is, we woman who find ourselves with a semi broken down soul will often work to help, thinking we are nurturing someone through a hard time, thinking it is a temporary rough patch and they will be a solid person once they get through the rough time.

But what we really need to pay attention to, very closely, from the beginning, is how stable their foundation is in the first place. A strong foundation is something that has to come from one’s core beliefs, thoughts, desire and abilities to work to be solid.

The shaky foundation in the form of the EUM was pretty destabilizing to me… and I thought my house was in order. But he did make me shore up my own foundations and reinforce all my beliefs in what is important to me. Now I am working to not be so angry with him and sad for him.

Also, we girls must stick together. When you see him with the new girl, pity her… she is just looking for what the rest of us are…she will end up here with the rest of us.

I don’t think my AC means to be an AC… I am sad for him now.. he does want a close relationship…but is unable to have one. I don’t think he even realizes that HE is the reason all his relationships don’t work. He is truly baffled by it.

but… not my problem!

The difference was fantastic! I can’t say it was easy, in fact there were pain and sorrow that I had to go through, but I felt that I finally remembered who I was! It was like I had forgotten who I was, and what values I had, those 19 months that I was involved with him. With NC I feel again the old girl (in fact the young girl) I used to be, who couldn’t accept crap from any man.

I thank you so much, Natalie! For this site and for that wonderful new book, that I even won a free copy of! I love it! It helps me to continue the NC. I feel that I am walking a good road now, and I am looking forward for a good life, with or without a man in my life. I shall take care of me, and put the focus on me, because I am the only person I can ever change.

I did that to hun first step and found it’s not enough as they can still get you as I found out and not strong enough to not reply in the end just got so fed up with 5am call’s drunk and crying on the phone to me. I thought why am I putting myself though this! Just rang my network the next day before I chickened out lol! and did it changed my number only cost me £10 best £10 i’ve spent! and the weight is off no more hanging waiting for the crumb you have to be strong to do it but I can tell you well worth it and no more restless night waiting for the phone to ring.

Best advice I can give is just change your number the best thing I’ve done

Be strong and do it @ moving on in 2010 you wont regret it.
Good luck. x

Im lucky that im not curious like a lot of girls seem to be about what is happening, like on facebook. I just steer clear, for me i figure he has hurt me enough so no way do i want to see whats he is up to, i just dont care. He tries to talk loudly when im near by about things or tells one of my friends about stuff so it filters down to me. I just asked them not to tell me. How ego driven to think i want to know? I couldnt care less what he is up to. Your so lucky he is leaving!!! God i wish mine would. I really noticed a huge different when on holidays, i was so much happier. Its true you have to put on that game face. In my post before this one, check out what took place my 1st week back, exhausting (jan 9 post) ! to add further insult to injury i then recieved another txt 4 hours later stating i was immature and childlish!! So i guess he was stewing for about 5 hours! All ive done is tried to move on, steered clear of him as best i can and dont create drama, not mean or anything. I must admit though given ive been only doing NCR for about 9 weeks and broken up for nearly 5 months, i think im doing pretty dam well. The only one that strangely enough seems to be struggling, is him even though he decided to opt out of the relationship. I only cry about once per week now, so im lucky. I do go to councelling though, so hopefully this will help you to I feel quite strong and confident in myself right now and i hope you start to feel like that as well. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I hope this week is going well for you

hahaha funny and a great point, I know I have been depressed, wallowing, trying to understand how could somebody be so cruel to me, bla bla bla, Being kinda optimistic by nature I go to bed every night expecting that I will magically wake up the next morning and be out of the funk… but the New Year is making me realize I gotta put way more focused effort into getting out and DOING more than thinking and reasoning and licking my wounds.

Yup, staying in contact with good people, especially those who know nothing about my wallowing, having healthy pursuits outside of my house, doing some physical things for me to get healthier..these are things I need to do every day to recover the joy I used to know and get back on track.

Maybe we get so mentally self absorbed and self pitiful after getting out of one of these foolish relationships because we neglected ourselves so badly for so long when we were in them. Like the self absorption is an attempt to rebalance.
Whatever ! I just need to work a bit harder getting out and doing more instead of sitting around thinking.

You could try the “no hellos, no contact at all” for a while, and then switch gyms. Do things in steps, as part of your transition. Makes things easier, overall, too.

You say he joined the gym where you have been a member for 15 years, so you will only say “hello” to him. Please consider joining another gym. Yes, you may have to pay money to get out of a contract, but like changing your phone numbers, money well spent. At a new gym, you may meet some new friends, people who are not in your current social circle that will allow you to begin working on the next phase of your life. Even saying hello when you are in the early stages of NC could be dangerous to you. All these ACs need is the tiniest sign of weakness, and they will then proceed with worming their way back into your life. We women think we need to be polite and speak to these ACs-men don’t feel a need to be polite. If this man has been creating havoc in your life 8 years, you owe him not one single thing-even a hello.

You can do it!!

Once boundaries had been crossed with my EUM, I naively believed that I could be friends with him after he hurt me not once, but twice. I’ve come to find out that for me, that’s not possible.

It’s not only incredibly draining to have to see him, but also exhausting to have to put on a game face and be professional 5 days a week. This whole week at work, I’ve been ignoring him in our meetings and I’ve avoided looking at him.

I am fortunate in my situation in that our company is letting my EUM move to another state at the end of this month, so this will help to alleviate a lot of the stress I have been feeling the past 14 months at work. Funny thing about all this is that I feel like I should be jumping up and down for joy that I won’t have to see him, yet why do I continually cry at night? Once he moves, I will be removing his number from my cell and am seriously contemplating de-friending him on Facebook. I don’t want to know if he gets back together with his ex-girlfriend or finds someone new. That will be one of the most hurtful things to see. I’ve also decided that I will not be attending his going away party that some of my coworkers are organizing nor will I be at work on his last day in the office. Instead, I am going to take that time to pamper myself.

I just had my first therapy session last week and it was the greatest thing I could do for myself. It’s not an overnight miracle, but it is the first step toward moving on with my life-therapy and NC.