Any money my AC/Narcissist is just biding his time probably thinkin ‘Any day now, any day…she’s gonna cave, just like she’s always done’. Yes, too many times I did cave. But that was before I found this site. Now I regularly tune in for positive reinforcement of my decision to dump the loser. I’m well and truly over all the crap that he’s been dishing out over the years. Seriously, when I think of the excuses he used to come up with when I confronted him about his questionable behavior. I knew it deep down that he was stringing me along, but was afraid to just let go. Now I’m free and sane again!

Please don’t give up! Perhaps taking a break from looking for a while might do you some good. I know that’s easier said than done, but you sound so sad and sometimes we just need a break to gain some perspective.

The only thing is I know the address to an online profile of his, which I can’t stop checking every now and then. He didn’t know that I knew he had this profile, which is how I found out a lot of things he doesn’t know that I knew then. I see messages from other women and stuff and I can’t help but speculate sometimes. Ugggh! It disgusts me that I even care, but I find it hard not to check the dag on thing every now and then. I know how to block the URL if I need too, but unfortunately I also know how to get around it, which I have done before. Ignorance is truly bliss.

I’m obviously still holding on and checking to see if he has moved on yet, but I want to shake this so bad. I know it’s just fear b/c I certainly do not want to get back with him because I don’t think he’ll ever change, something he told me numerous times. I’ve been reading here well before I went NC on him, probably about a year and I always told myself he would have to be the one to cut it off b/c I just couldn’t ‘hurt him’ like that so the fact that I ignored his calls and other modes of communication is huge b/c I never thought I would be here. It’s just this last online profile thing I can’t shake and it makes me feel like an NC fraud!

Yea worms that live in a dog’s ass hole is right. They are worms that eat away at your life if you allow them to. Great way to sum these ass clowns up. Great way!!

Girl you are so right. You can’t refer to these ass clowns as FROGS. Cause frogs are much nicer. 7 wks NC myself today and I am feeling fabulous. By the 29th of May I will have hit 2 months home run of NC and I have to say that it was the best decision that I could have ever made for myself and meaning business! I know my ass clown narciissts is waiting for the chance to see how far I’m going to go with this since we have had so many repeated short cycles of breakups but there is absolutely no looking back or leaving any doors cracked to allow him back into my life. I thought about blocking his number and I thought to myself for what? When he does come around to calling and he will; I won’t to have that chance to let him know that I have moved on and am no longer an OPTION for him.

NML because of this site and links from here and 4and a half years off sex (!) im 39, divorced 6 years, and 1 year off dating. (just been dating/ healing focusing on my life purpose et al) I now find myself in a new and so far very healthy (seeming ) situation, howev, when he took two days instead of his usual every one to text/call after returning from a trip (and after our first sexual encounter btw and then texted he “forgot” to call but then subsequently called as expected and followed up w/plans I felt the old feelings of insecurity come back and luckily realized they were self generated (since i have no direct evidence hes an assclown, i picked him cuz he seems anything but after all this time and knowing what values to look for , interestingly enough his looks were def not the first thing that attracted me even tho i think hes sexy:) M

aybe you could do a helpful post on making that transition from assclown to healthy relationships since youve obvs been there.. and it def> a process for sure i just dont want my fear to get in the way anymore and some guidelines for staying balanced with awareness between being cautions and optimistic when something appears healthy.. Anyway you have been the light in my love life with every post I feel I owe most of this growth to this site!!!! THANK YOU!!!!

But wow – he came on stronger, was paying attention, etc. And he was way more physically affectionate (arm around me etc.). But even before the second date ended, he switched off.

But you know what I see? I look in the mirror and feel sick because I let it happen.

I am an idiot. And all I can see if what I did and what I may have done to create something that was his own darn fault.

I did the same thing, laugh to myself and shook my head when I read this. I too, have always felt bad after all my relationships, especially my most recent one. I’ve questioned myself on what I did to make the relationship go bad, what I could’ve done to not make it fall apart, etc. Sometimes I also wonder if it’s just better to be alone than to have to go through the fear and the pain of meeting someone who may just turn out to be another AC. I wish there was an AC-dar invented so we could spot them a mile away….

@trinity….I know how you feel. I don’t let many people in either and I have wondered about that too. I’m not shy just cautious. I think we take something from each relationship no matter the relationship and its those life experiences that makes us who we are. We don’t live in bubbles, people do affect us. And its hard to read someone at first, most are on their best behavior but its the chance we take in any relationship. I’m always willing to give someone a chance but I’ve come far enough on my journey not to stick around once their true self comes out and its inconsistant to what they portrayed in the beginning. Stay true to yourself.

When I first met my EUM AC, he was just like the prince charming I always hoped for (too good to be true really): polite, considerate, great with kids, attentive, gorgeous, cultured, smart and imminently available. We were new to this, having both experienced long-term relationships in the past. I felt lucky that I’d known him as a friend first and relieved that I found “my soul mate” without having to resort to bars or internet.

When it was on initially, it was all hot, passionate and amazing. We had so much in common and he always encouraged me as I encouraged him in our endeavours. His words of admiration (and there were many) melted away any reservations I might have had. This lasted months and even years. I felt we were growing as a couple and he even spoke of his painful family history and fears (I saw this as a good thing that he was opening up to me… privileged even). The relationship changed when I felt there would be a natural progression to the next level: a deeper commitment and honest discussions of the future (we were both of mature age after all). Neither of us ever wanted to get married again, but I at least wanted some firm commitment to each other and to announce to everyone we were a couple. Something suddenly shifted in him. He became “confused” with love, had “issues” with his past and needed “time” (!!!?). He slowly withdrew attention, communication and started playing mind games. And so fairytale became a psycho-story-of-madness: with red flags waving left, right and centre. The once “fulfilling” (I now realise this was just my grasping at what specks of fantasy remained) relationship was reduced to ego stroking and booty calls.

This AC-ex of mine is now like a stranger to me and after 10 years I’ve FINALLY ditched him with NC (7 weeks!!!). Why do these guys change so completely? Why don’t they remain like the people we first meet? Do they get complacent? Do they get a taste of the game they can play and so become EUM addicts? This guy was so humble and respectful initially, that even with the knowledge I have now, I would never have picked his EUM/AC potential. Ours became a long-distance thing, so it’s not like I was ever needy. He got himself a bachelor pad a couple of years ago, so I can only assume that he’s been keeping his options open, scoring with many other princesses (victims) while keeping me on hold. I liken my AC/EUM ex to the classic character of Dr Jeckyll & Mr Hyde. That’s him to a tee.

There’s only one thing I disagree with: the comparison of these guys to frogs, frogs are too nice… these guys are more like toads: warts, poison glands and all.

‘Fear’ of being alone or choosing the wrong one is just an ‘emotion’.

Choose to feel it. Where does it live in your body? eg your throat, stomach.. what does it look like? shiny and flat or round and soft… If you could talk to it – what would you say? What would it say back?

Fears can not handle being explored. Go with it – yell ‘bring it on’ and study it….. that will release it!

Try it – what have you got to lose?

Wishing you love!
.-= Cathy J´s last blog ..Cost of Dating: Part 3 Emotional Cost To Valuable Lesson =-.