Feel Better Texting

April 24, 2006 by The Tattoed Debutante

mobile in hand Especially since my last texted break up, we are all well aware of my feelings on text messages. As often as I use my text services, and as easy as it makes several aspects of my life, it fully complicates other aspects…and not in the good way.

Last night I received a series of text messages from my Mr. Big. For those of you who are not familiar with the SATC reference, my Mr. Big is the major “ex” in my life. The one that I thought would last forever. The one that changed my life. The one that nearly killed me. It has been a long time since I’ve gotten messages like this from him, and they shook me up so I thought I should discuss this phenomenon. These are not booty texts, they are not friendly texts, so they must have a title of their own. Therefore, I will henceforth refer to these little reminders as the “Make Me Feel Better” (MMFB) text messages.

Now, part one of this text is a drunken attempt at sexiness and allure. These messages are always the result of drinking. They are also sent from hundreds of miles and several cities away. This rules out the booty text. Therefore, it can only be seen as a drunken attempt at sexy talk. Let me relay this first message:
Boy:“I’m drunk dtown and horny?” This is what we call the direct approach. Cut to the chase. Appropriate conversation for the first time we’ve spoken in months? Yes? NO. Although, he seems rather confused as to whether it’s a question or a statement. Is he asking me for some sort of validation? Maybe he doesn’t know whether that tingle in his pants is arousal or a venereal disease? Does he need me to reinforce his feelings? Yeah, how about this for reinforcement…hide your phone next time you drink.
Part two of the MMFB text is the attempt to connect on a real level and begin intense, meaningful conversation. When the sexy text fails, this is the final move to establish the true connection of the relationship. They can only begin to feel better if they think you still care on the same level you once did. Again, I will relay:
Boy:“I’m single now and really miss the only girl that really loved me.”

Now this is just a low blow. Appeal to my sense of devotion. You want me to say I still love you. You want me to say I’m single now too. You want me to say I miss you too. You need to feel better about the fact that someone else left you. You need to be reaffirmed as a man and as a partner. Someone else figured out what it took me years to get, so you have to come back to me. Making you feel better about your life is no longer my job.
Two months from now I return to the city I left to escape you. I’m coming back stronger and more able to resist what was once irresistible. Yeah, you may have gotten into my head a bit. You may have weaseled your way into a dream or two last night, but my heart is off limits. You’re not weaseling your way into that again. That vacancy’s been filled, and we’re very pleased with the current occupant. So text one of the other girls in your phone. They may not love you, but they’re warm bodies. That’s all you ever required anyhow.

Visit Tattoed Debutante’s Blog