Comments on: Finance & Romance Do Not Mix. Ain’t nothin’ going on but the rent!

By: Butterfly

Butterfly — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 13:00:39 +0000

There are other scenarios, like mine, where it is not a case of them asking for mone. In my case, a civilised agreement has been reached (I’d like the money in one go but realise that won’t happen). This is the dissolution of a 10 year relationship though: anyone asking to borrow money over and above a certain amount (up to Â£20 is an acceptable risk for a friend) and if that person does not return the money quickly then they will never get 1p never mind anything else again.

By: Hot Alpha Female

Hot Alpha Female — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 13:50:27 +0000

Like you said some women can use money (amongst other things) to almost manipulate a man into believing that you are in a committed relaitonship.

I heard from T Harv Ecker …. That the decision we make about anything, does not matter. But what does matter is the REASON behind that decision.

A lot of the times you may lend ur man money because you just can’t say no, or you want him to have an (I owe you) stamped on his head or you want him to appreciate you more.

These are all reasons that you should not lend him money. Maybe if you mutually understand that you are in a committed relaitonship and this money is used to fund his dreams and its more about being able to accomplish something together, rather than just using and abusing each others resources.

Hot Alpha Female
Your Go To Girl For Dating Advice
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By: Solsuerte

Solsuerte — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 12:36:00 +0000

I’ve found that giving/lending money to guys/girls who do not deserve it often goes hand in hand with people who have gone on holiday to places like Cuba, Thailand or other exotic locations, where the general population is poor. They justify their actions and the entire relationship, which is long distance and therefore potentially not very healthy, with the excuse that the other person would pay their way/pay for the phone calls/treat them once in a while if they could..but they can’t. Isn’t that sad? I should know, I fell in love with a Cuban (grimace/embarrassment) and I’d love to read more about Emotional Unvabilability and falling in “love” with a poor person you met on holiday/while you were travelling . I’d send it to a friend of mine who is in “love” with a Thai Beach Boy who has cheated on her, lied to her, allows her to pay for everything and who has just earned his right to a second chance by being very sorry now that she has said she has had enough. Grrrrrr.

By: Joy

Joy — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 22:59:17 +0000

Update-My FORMER Assclown just called me.He said he will get paid on a job and will give me some money next week. LOL !!!! I will believe that when I see it. It will be a cold day in Hades.I told him I couldn’t take his blowing hot and cold anymore emotionally and that it wasn’t good for my daughter to have someone blowing in out of our life. He tried to pin it on me and said I had quit coming around.Truth be known after reading stuff on this site it made me realize that there was NEVER a relationship.I will post next week if even get a penny back. I need to dream on…

By: Joy

Joy — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 22:43:40 +0000

I ended up giving my FORMER assclown approximately $2500-3000. We started dating around Thanksgiving,2008 and this took place between then and the end of Jan.AC does home improvements and the economy was really slow and people weren’t having things done. I was stupid enough and paid his rent one month, bought groceries, had him do some repairs around my house that will have to be redone b/c they were done 1/2 ass, plus some work that was never done.I wasn’t so worried about money @ the time b/c I had some money I got from my ex husband’s retirement in a divorce about 3 years ago. That money is now worth less than 20% of what it was 2 yrs ago. I am self employed and my business is way off and I am struggling financially.His business has picked up and he has lots of work these days. Not once has he offered to pay back any money or help me out.I decided to quit seeing him about a week ago. His blowing hot and cold is not good for my mood or good for my daughter.Anyway my counselor suggested I talk to him about it or send him a letter. I left him a message on his voicemail, but I know I will never see a cent of it.My part was I was stupid and gave it to him. He doesn’t play by the same set of rules that I do.

By: Gaynor

Gaynor — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 18:16:11 +0000

Absolutely!!!!

By: Kissie

Kissie — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 17:38:32 +0000

Yes, now I can. Live and learn…right?

By: Gaynor

Gaynor — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 16:55:35 +0000

Kissie,

Oh Lord!!! I hope you can look back and laugh now!

By: Kissie

Kissie — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 16:45:45 +0000

Hi Gaynor, Thanks
No, he did not ask me to pay for the date, but we had to go to like three different places so he could collect enough money from different folks to take me to….KFC!!! Oh god, what was wrong with me??!!! Like NML said: don’t pay for a man’s love or attention. We’re worth both without having to do anything but be ourselves. I have to keep telling myself that, we all do…

By: Gaynor

Gaynor — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 22:29:09 +0000

Kissie,

Love your posts!!!! Did he attempt to make to make you pay for the date?

By: Kissie

Kissie — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 21:43:54 +0000

I used to take African dance classes with live drumming. One of the drummers asked me out one night after class. After a few conversations and ONE date, he told me that his mother was very ill and needed $300 for an operation. I never gave him a dime and eventually he stopped asking, but he was persistent. This was a man who b/c he thought himself “exotic” used women. He had more gold chains and designer clothes than P-Diddy! But his “mother” needed $$$$ …..right!!
These men are beyond bold, some come right out ask b/c you are to be soooo taken with them that you are honored they asked you or they’ll insinuate, imply or beg for $$$ and we give in for all the reasons NML mentioned in the post.
I’ve come to realize that a man who cannot be responsible with his money cannot be responsible with my emotions/heart and if he is constantly asking you for money or he never has money, than he’s deadbeat and not worth my time. If I have to be a grown up and take care of my finances then so should he.

By: ph2072

ph2072 — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 21:13:00 +0000

Makes perfect sense. Thanks for posting NML.

By: gina

gina — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 05:04:14 +0000

Hi Karen,

I see how this situation can be complex and it seems like you are going a really good job, I guess I was wondering in my mind (only because I’ve been there, maybe not in this situation) if the money was a way to still attach yourself. No one is perfect, and I too could have made the same mistakes and it seems like you are trying the best you can to handle the consequences — that is when you really understand and change. The only reason why I thought to write you was; as long as you aren’t holding onto him to pay you back to teach him responsibility or hold him accountable (because he never was) but then again, we weren’t either when we allowed these assclowns to be in our lives… it’s almost like one is washing eachothers back and getting what we want subconciously or consciously. It seems like you have a good handle on things; alls I was saying that in your situation I may just do myself a service and cut him loose and pay the extras to get him completely off ties with me; despite the fact he still owed me money because my peace of wellbeing is higher than any dollar value—but like you said if there is no drama, so be it, however described in your post it seemed like there was some hositility, which is natural.. but of course you only know what is best for you… i wish you the best, and so happy you are choosing to be the best you can be and love yourself… life didnt come with instructions! I know I still have alot to learn, so hope I’m not coming across too strongly.

By: Alika

Alika — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 22:40:23 +0000

I dont know, I will be very suspecious if the guy I was dating for example, starts asking for money! It is alredy enough that he used me for sex. Please wake up and dont lend any money. I understand sometimes we trust them, and try to help..but still….I dont expect too much from them, and I think they dont expect too much from me, especially when money concerns…

By: Tulipa

Tulipa — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 01:10:30 +0000

I made hugh errors here.. I never thought of it as buying their love.. I thought more along the lines of buying their happiness.. for example wish i could to eat at the chinese restaurant I’d be happy eating there .. so you go to the trouble and expense of buying the meal and guess what they aren’t any happier .. this is just an example..
I will never see my money again I learnt to let it go and it was thousands always thinking if I just get this bill pay for that surely surely that will make him happy …. NOT !!! you can’t buy love and you can’t make someone happy with what you are paying for

Next eum had plenty of money we were the opposite ends of the financial spectrum.. so mostly he paid when we went out .. though i offered my share I would often get it wrong .. and i know he said stuff about him always paying for stuff behind my back which of course i didn’t confront .. it was like he left out the part where I did pay for things and left out the part where I did offer to pay the bill or pay my share when refused I accepted .. I always used my manners often double checked he was happy paying …. it is awkward ..