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Definition: “Refinement and delicacy of performance, execution, or artisanship.
Skilful, subtle handling of a situation; tactful, diplomatic manoeuvring.” ~ Webster’s Dictionary.
Once in an intimate sexual setting, finesse is also more commonly known as foreplay. Finesse is the skilful execution of getting from daters to lovers.
This is sparked by NML’s post on Tired of Men. In it she described how she was turned off by a guy that she had been digging up until the point when she realized that he didn’t understand the finer points of foreplay.
See guys, foreplay is not a minute fondling our boobs and then a second check to see if we got wet. Just because you get turned on just by a thought doesn’t mean that we ladies are wired the same way.
In fact, purely physical actions cannot get me into the mood. My head has to be in it, my heart has to be in it, and all my five senses must be thoroughly stimulated and heightened. It’s a process, one that a guy has to fully understand and cater to before he can even progress to the next step.
Foreplay begins even the second we open the door. Flirting, the banter, the slight touches over the dinner table, the sultry stares, kissing, embracing, holding…that is all foreplay. It’s a tenuous balance that can easily be shattered by external situations. Think of it as a small spark that must gently be coaxed into a flame, and then a roaring fire. That is how gradual the progression is, with each layer building on the next.
The setting has to be right. If I’m worried that your mom/ex/kid/roommate is going to come barging through the door in a few minutes, chances are, I’m not going to be into it. If I’m thinking that it might be too soon, then it’s not happening buster. If I told you a few minutes ago we weren’t going shag under any circumstances, the sight of my bed shouldn’t turn you into a randy teenager. If the status of our relationship isn’t clear to me, or if I have any ill-givings in any way….I’m sorry, it’s just not going to happen.
Foreplay is sensual. It’s about seduction. It’s erotic. Without it, I’m not going to get it on.
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