First Date Ditching

March 2, 2006 by The Tattoed Debutante

Recently, I hid backstage at a concert until my date thought I had left so that I could get rid of him succinctly and painlessly. Now TD, you may say, that is not a very nice thing to do to someone who has taken you out. To which I would reply, “I betcha you would have done the same.” Which brings me to today’s subject: Reasons to Dump Your Date.

Let’s use my recent ditch as an example:
1. He wore “man jewellery.” Now, man jewellery is a term I’ve coined for any sort of accessory that is not a class ring or a sexy ear piercing. In this instance, it was a chain. It was large and shiny, and it belonged around the neck of my local gas station attendant. And the reason I saw so much of the chain leads us to the next no-no.
2. He had his shirt unbuttoned past the top button. I understand the need to breathe. Listen, from the woman who only wears bras to work and to work out (and that’s only because they make me) I understand. But for the love of Pete, I don’t want to see that much of your chest. If you hide it during the date, you have a much better chance of me exposing it myself later on. Trust me on this one. Unless you’re in the mob or on Miami Vice, it’s not a good look.
3. He used pet names. Now, I’m all for terms of endearment. I call everyone baby, angel, honey. I’m Southern, that’s what we do. HOWEVER, when you refer to the bartender as “sweet thing,” and she looks at me as if to say, “Tell me he is not with you,” you’ve crossed a line. I had a boyfriend that I used to refer to as my “penguin.” Penguins mate for life, and we thought it was cute. Not only did I not refer to him that way in public, but it took months for me to call him that. First date, DO NOT refer to me as anything except (insert name here). If you do, I promise I will find an even less inviting nickname for you that will cause my friends and me to giggle endlessly for months.
Now, those are just examples from one date. There are many other reasons to leave someone on a first date. Here are some others to consider:
-He insults the waitress. This is my biggest tell on a date. I was recently at dinner with a guy who not only snapped at the waitress, but then rudely asked her if she had forgotten anything, while shaking his empty beer bottle in her face. I can honestly say that there is no chance he will be dining with me again. I mean, how degrading. He doesn’t even know her. If he’s willing to be that much of a prick to a woman he’s never met, can you image how he’ll be once he’s comfortable with you?
-He gets too “friendly.” It’s one thing to want to put your arm around me or even hold my hand, but it is quite another to think you can grope me like a 7^th grade game of Seven in Heaven. If you feel that your space and comfort level are being pushed, and letting him know that has been to no avail, you have free reign to not only leave, but knee him in the genitals on the way out.
-He hits on other women in your presence. This date is about the two of you connecting on a deeper level. How are you supposed to do that if he’s trying to sling this thing all over anything with boobs and pulse? If you are clearly not the object of his affection on this date and you can see right away that the future would be littered with flimsy lies and mysterious underwear in the couch and glove box, it’s more than fair to head for the hills. Believe me, if they’re screwing up that early on, the future is about as bright as Alaska in the summer.
While I’m not condoning the poor treatment of some sweet but boring guy who isn’t harming you in the least except to test the limits of your patience and consciousness, I am saying that there are circumstances where staying on the date could be tantamount to masochistic torture. In those instances, self-preservation reigns supreme, and you must save yourself. After all, there are millions of awful men but only one you.
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