Sorry – but surely giving someone a break should work both ways?

The more I read learn about modern day relationships, the more I realise that women are at their happiest when they are independent, confident and (generally) male-free. Unfortunately, this is also when they are at their most attractive for a man. What a predicament!

I think this is because, to a man, this type of woman appears as the furthest thing from his mother. He could not imagine his sexy new girl being needy, nagging or smothering, as his mother would be: holding him on a pedestal, ego stroking, telling him what to do, or placing demands and expectations on him. So he is instantly attracted to this total opposite.

The trick is to find a man who can respect the woman’s independence and is STRONG enough IN HIMSELF not to want to “break” (for want of a better verb) or control his independent woman once he is with her. As soon as she lets him get away “being a bad boy” and mistreating her, he subconsciously disrespects her and the exploitation from him escalates to the point of contempt. I think this can be blamed on both parties: where a woman “allows” herself to be manipulated and undermined, while the weak-willed guy is testing just how much he can get away with..This is made worse if the woman thinks and treats her new man as Gods gift, just like his mother did/does. It’s subconsciously conflicting to a man that his once sexy, independent, playful girlfriend is now ego-stroking him and vying for his attention…like a clingy mother who can’t let go. I guess it would make him feel more like a boy rather than the man he could and should be.

I believe, as women and mothers of sons and daughters, we have an obligation to bring up healthy, emotionally balanced individuals. We must avoid teaching our daughters that they need to depend on a man (or anyone else for that matter) for their worth and happiness and we need to stop treating our sons like princes. Both should be taught self-respect (not superiority or arrogance) and respect of others around them.

I have been reading dating advice for years, but after recently reuniting with my high school sweetheart who is turning out to be Mr. Unavailable, I had to seek some new advice, and recently purchased your e-book. Today I read your blog also, and I have enjoyed your sound matter of fact advice. Your write from experience, and from the heart and that is a gift! While he did not act like this initially, and I believe I was more the one who was emotionally unavailable in the beginning, the fact is that he is just not accesible as much I want him to be, though he does make attempts to be closer, it is draining, and so not worth it. So, I decided to love me more, and him from afar. Recently I joined a local date site, and ran into someone that I went to school with, and a bunch of other handsome available guys who want to talk, be open, and share. Armed with new knowledge, I had to recognize that it’s really unhealthy to stay with a man like this, no matter how much you care, or how things were in the beginning, it is the person he is today, that I have to recognize. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is I a gift, that is why they call it the present. My gift to myself, is to move forward with my own life, to love me, and to put my needs first! I just wanted to say thanks, for keeping it real about love and relationships for women. Finally someone who really gets us! wink wink

~ Michelle

James.

Words of wisdom!