Talking pure doo-doo and being able to get away with it is something very few people are successful at. I don’t deny that cheesy works for some people. More often than not, though, it backfires when you act slicker than an oil slick in Texas. This is one of those acts that’s likely to have you relegated to the not-a-frickin-chance category. You will also come across as insincere.
Like being cheesy, when you roll out the big guns and say stuff that leaves someone feeling that you’re being insincere and fake, you kill all chances of going from flirting to dating. Saying things for the sake of it and wheeling out the same old compliments you do for every person whom you approach are likely to be seen through.
I despise when a guy tries to chat me up and is right up in my face, standing far too close, or even, heaven forbid, touching me. Flirting requires boundaries so that you don’t end up in a territory that will kill your chances. As a general rule of thumb, keep your hands to yourself and maintain a healthy distance between yourself and the object of your flirtation. If you can see the hair in their nostrils, down their cleavage, or the colour of their underwear, you’re too close.
Contrary to popular opinion, people aren’t so desperate for a mate and to settle down that it’s a turn-on for you to talk about your future or to talk in the future tense before exchanging numbers or even knowing the person! This is pretty creepy and will send the person running in the opposite direction! See my posts on Future Faking and Fast Forwarding!
There’s that boundary thing again! People who come on too strong are people who don’t understand body language or who don’t listen to what’s being said. Don’t be so blinded by your lust, attraction, or libido that you fail to recognise that you’re overstepping the mark. Being too forceful with your flirtation is likely to make the recipient feel nervous and, at worst, turned off or even scared.
Are you interested or not? Toying with someone is unfair and can cause them to bark up the wrong tree. While it’s difficult to know if you’re interested enough in the person for it to result in a date or more dates, try to be consistent by being, for example, a little reserved until you’re sure. Don’t make grandiose promises, aka Future Faking.
Also, some people thrive on attention from others, as it validates them and gives them an ego boost. If you engage in this game-playing, likely resulting in leading someone on, take responsibility. Your seeking an ego boost might be very triggering and destabilising for someone.
Remember, the other person will generally react to the signals that they perceive you are sending. While some people fail to recognise positive or negative signals and come on strong anyway, play safe. Avoid putting yourself in an awkward and avoidable situation.
The whole eyes on stalks, tongue hanging out of your mouth, suggestive leer that strips the person of their clothes with your eyes alone, is a mega turnoff.
I don’t care what signals you’re getting; mentioning sex or anything sexual as part of a flirtation with someone you hardly know can be a massive overstep. The only time you can get away with this is if you’re after a one-night stand and the other party is too. Being sexual while flirting crosses boundaries and will definitely convey the wrong message about you.
If someone tells you that their name is Nicola, don’t shorten it to Nicki a moment later. Likewise, avoid doing anything that’s basically your attempt to leapfrog over the formalities and establish yourself without actually getting to know the person. Know your place!
I wrote about complimenting women recently, but as a general rule, try not to home in on anything too specific. You have no idea what people’s insecurities are. Hence you don’t compliment the hourglass figure, the pear shape, the Roman nose, the big ears, big feet, or big breasts. Just tell them they look great!
Your focus should be on the person you’re flirting with. If you’re eyeing other people in the room, it sends a distinct message of insincerity, rudeness, and a low attention span.
You might think it gives you individuality, but it’s likely to freak out the person and send them running for the hills. Be careful of verbal diarrhoea or coming across as highly emotionally strung. That volatility can feel unsettling and confusing.
Some people think that interaction between the sexes is just like when you were in the playground or at high school, where arguing, fighting, or ignoring each other were supposedly signs of interest. While having a bit of banter can work to a point, be careful of crossing the line into being argumentative and difficult. You might think you’re ‘flirting’ but the other party may experience it as aggressive and hostile.
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