What a wimp-ass asshole!

What a pussy!

I am SURE he will be so so so incredibly HAPPY with her!

This guy did you a favor. Be glad you didn’t waste any more time!

If you went in unawares of the girfriend, I feel badly for you. You got emotionally involved before you found out, and that sucks!

If you didn’t go in unawares, then lesson learned for you! The lesson: don’t always believe what they say; and also: don’t EVER be back-up/Plan B/fallback girl/used-to-make-beloved-one-jealous.

LOSER. What a LOSER. Mickey-Mouse Man.

I think it is not really a love you feel for this guy. You can see quite clearly that he treats you like a toy and doesn`t take you seriously. I think it`s more a fear of being left alone in a foreign country rather than love that makes you attached to him.

I was in a similar situation myself when I moved abroad because of a foreign guy who blew hot. And then he started blowing cold. He himself was living home and had all his family and friends around while I felt stranded and alone. When you find yourself in a place with no family or friends around, different culture, language etc., it`s so much more difficult to find the courage, let go and move on.

But believe me, this guy will never be there for you and you`ll waste so much time waiting and hoping and maybe
even looking for faults in yourself only to realise that you`ll never be the number one.

I would suggest that you maybe think again about your original plan to move elsewhere and start working on it. I know it is pretty hard as you would have to think about your career and job as well. But if the guy is the only thing to keep you there, you are actually making yourself isolated and clinging onto him.

Would you feel the same about him if you were both living where you are home instead of South Korea ? Somewhere where you could go out with your friends or see your family and have a fun time out without him or your mutual friends ? Or even somewhere else in South Korea where you could find new friends and set up your own life.

Just reading all your stories has shown me that I am not alone out there and I’m not as much as a monster as I have come to believe I am.

I have been living in South Korea for 1 year now. When I arrived i had a boyfriend I had left behind in South Africa for I wanted to get married to him but he did not believe in it.. After 2 and a half years I felt that the only way for him to realise how much he loved me was for me to move away. Well the plan worked, only 2 month later he proposed, he sent me a ring in the post along with a beautiful letter describing his love for me. I imediatly accepted as at the time I was going through some serious insecurities of being scared in a foreign country and longing for some sence of security. It was when i called my parents to tell them the news and judging by their lack of support and enthuasiasm was the first real regret of accepting this proposal. They just believed that if he loved me like he said he would have flown to come and ask me, he was more than finacially capable. Anyway I continued on with the relationship until.. I met HIM.. a man who was also engaged and aparently having ‘doubts’ He persued me for a few months until I eventually caved.. and we slep together.. the guilt i felt afterwars was so intense, but for some reason this other man made me so happy.. and it felt ok.. untill I started to fall for him. Eventually my relationship with my fiance started to fall apart.. it was only then that he decided to come out to Korea and see me. When i went to meet him and seeing him for the first time in 9 months I knew it was over.. I was no longer in love with him. It was while he was visiting me we decided to break up.

Now the real problems started to begin.. I no loknger had a fiance someone else to think about I only had this other man who was still engaged and who had no real plans to leave her for me. 6 months have gone by and I have been in a very dark place.. I went home to South Africa and decided while i was home not to renew my contract here in South Korea but to move somewhere else instead. When I got back to South Korea and he heard the news he begged me to stay.. and that once I sign the new contract we can start talking about a real future together.. STUPIDLY i listened to him.. so I have resigned.. things were going well, untill his fiance found text messages from me on his phone, it was his chance to get out of the relationship, but he mannaged to talk himself out of it and save their relationship?!?! It was a huge wake up call for me as to how much I actually mean to this man.. but I am struggeling to find the courage to end things with him.. you see I live in a small city in south korea.. we all have the same friends as there are only a few foreigners.. I just worry that if i end things with him i’ll loose all my friends and be completely isolated!! I have no family out here and no support!! And the worst thing is.. is that I do honestly LOVE the man.. even though he is an assclown!!

I must say that after reading the stories on this sight it has helped me feel a bit more brave.. but these months of being in this relationship has also led me to feel that I dont deserve any happiness for I am THe Other Woman! Ah i just want to feel free and be loved!! Any advice is welcomed with very wide open arms!!!

^^

Hang in there girl, not sure from your post, WHY he was suppose to contact you after his confessional, BUT if it was that “I am going to make a decision” type things… well, sorry but you got your answer.

For some reason, men like this, just KNOW when they pick us to be the other woman, that we will allow it.. call it a second sense don’t know.. but something draws them to us likes moths to a flame… It is probably because we are charming, loving, and project that image, not to mention we have a kind heart that is desperate for love.

Rule # 1 for us is LEARN TO LOVE YOUR SELF MOOOOOORE!

It is hard, I struggle daily, but I am bound and determined to make myself healthy. My suggestion is to read two books by Steven Carter and Julia Sokal, “Men who can’t love” and “He’s scared, She’s scared”… I hope that you try to read these, they helped me realize that it wasnt ME that was the problem, I didn’t break him, and I can’t fix him……though there are lots of “tissues” (issues) that I do have, but I need to address them, not look for him to fix me.

please if you are like me and can’t afford a therapist, READ READ READ… knowledge is POWER and we need all the resources available to fight off these charming, egotistical, self centered, ASSCLOWNS!

Blessings to you my sister in heartache!.. YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS.
Remember, you are too blessed to be stressed, to annoited to be disappointed!

Hang in there
Elly

i needed to read this (and the rest of the posts about being a TOW). i needed to read something to help me start healing. because i really did fall. there was so much emotional investment from me, and i was really seeing a future. but i guess, that’s the way the cookie crumbles.

thanks for this.

WONDERFUL!!!!!!!! I am so proud of you. See how much you have to offer???? You have been worthy the entire time, you just got caught up in the fog for a bit, lol. From pain comes strength. We are always here, always hoping, and always ready to listen. The next available man who gets you, is going to see the gem that you are! Keep the faith!

(((((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))))))

Chasing

Glad you share my view it has been almost a month since I broke up with shit face MM BELEIVE me the more days passes by the stronger I get today I am so in control of my feelings I will not lie to you sometimes I look back and remember the good time but in my case the bad feelings the pain was over taking the bloody good time so I try the self help to boost my self esteem the more I use this method the stronger I get I am not going to take anymore shit from anybody I decided to be kind to myself first and again decided to be kinder to myself second and third so there . I would like to share this method with you and everyone I use selfhypnotherapy on me to chage the set up of my mind and I know I have managed to be stronger the reason I am saying that is I knew I was in the relationship with a wrong person but somehow I didnot haver the courage to end it I think of the issues I have in my personality I managed to sit back and look at my previous relationship and behaviour in my case I had a pattern I was falling into so that’s why I was attracting the wrong bloody TOM , DICK and HARRY and lately the MARRIED DICK so there I used to boost my self esteem programme first after ten days of using it daily I added the assertiveness programme plus the accept yourself programme I promise you it works magic for me it opened my eyes about me TODAY I feel so great I admit I melt when I hear the voice of MMbut again this voice reminds me of the bad time as well and I will NEVER go back to this dark place again I found my balance I do not want to loos it again IMMAGINE YOU ARE ON YOUR BIKE YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO LOOK BACK OTHERWISE YOU LOOSE YOUR BALANCE and this is the way I visulise this particular life experience I hope it has made me stronger by the day, what I know when I was in that shit I use to tell my sister, the day I am emmotionally free from that rollercoaster it means I have my freedom back beleive me this is how I felt then and I promissed myself to maintain my peace and not let any man take it from me after all I allowed him to do that.
I must admit it was not easy but somehow this site has helped me great deal when you know you are not alone and there is always people in the same situation as we are .
SO SISTERS IF I MANAGE TO STAND UP FOR MYSELF AND TELL MM WHAT I SHOULD HAVE TOLD HIM LONG TIME AGO YOU CAN SO GO FOR IT GIRLS

BEST OF LUCK

FORTUNA

PS : If you want to know the hypnosite I got my programme from you could send me a private message as i am a member . I think it is not allowed to mention something like this on the site