Get a Grip!

January 23, 2006 by NML

If I say ‘pelvic floor exercises’ and you’re a woman, I guarantee one thing – you’re sitting there clenching those muscles right now. If you’re anything like me, it’s because it’s so easy to forget to do, that when you’re reminded you go straight into clench mode.

I’m not going to tell you how to do the exercises, if you Google pelvic floor exercises you get 381,000 results, all I imagine telling you pretty much the same thing. What I am going to do is issue you a warning by telling you that out of my 5 closest friends, who are all in their early 50s, two of them leak when they cough, sneeze or laugh.

When I found that out recently, I was shocked. It was something that I didn’t think happened to women until they got into their late ‘60s. I’ve always thought that the fact that they use youngish women in the Tena Lady ads was a marketing ploy. But I’ve since been asking around and apparently it’s pretty common. As common as hayfever in fact.

Leaking is bad enough, but letting those muscles go slack takes a lot of fun out of sex too – for both partners. The great thing about doing pelvic floor exercises is that you can do them anytime, anywhere. You can do them waiting for a bus; you can do them when you’re bored at a meeting and, of course, the best fun is doing them when you have several inches of tumescent male to grip onto.

Any habit takes 3 weeks to lose or establish, which conveniently, is also the amount of time it takes for your pelvic floor muscles to get back into shape.

Ever since I found out about my two friends I’ve been clenching for England – especially when I’m driving. I do long clenches when I stop at traffic lights, and keep the clench going till the lights change and I do short clenches in time to music on the radio. I’m sure my grip is improving, though I haven’t anyone to practice on at the moment.

It’s not hard to do, and it’s the closest thing to masturbation that I’ve found without using manual or mechanical aids. So, if you want your vagina to stay as tight as Joan Rivers forehead, start clenching today and never stop.

Contributed by Zoozan