Comments on: Good Things Don’t Feel Bad and Getting Into Reality http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/good-things-dont-feel-bad-and-getting-into-reality/ Self Esteem|Dating|Relationships|Emotional Unavailability|Commitment| Sat, 11 Feb 2012 20:27:34 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Karen http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/good-things-dont-feel-bad-and-getting-into-reality/comment-page-1/#comment-220238 Karen Fri, 13 Mar 2009 16:44:20 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/good-things-dont-feel-bad-and-getting-into-reality/#comment-220238 I just found this post and loved it... especially the last part... #5. I constantly beat myself up thinking that there is something wrong with me and that is why my xEUM didnt want to be with me or leave the mother of his kids. I keep asking myself why, why WHY WHY! And it only takes little reminders like this to put me back on track. He never intended on leaving her, he never intended on being honest with me and it was easier for him to be a coward and have his cake and eat it too than being a REAL MAN and doing the right thing. And you're right NML, instead of creating DRAMA and trying to make him into the man I WANTED him to be....... I should have backed away!!! I need to stop giving him soo much credit, giving him the benefit of the doubt...feeling sorry for him blah blah blah!!! I guess my question is........why do we do this to ourselves?? Why instead of thinking this way......did I choose instead to think there is something about me that wasnt good enough? How do I put and end to this? I just found this post and loved it… especially the last part… #5. I constantly beat myself up thinking that there is something wrong with me and that is why my xEUM didnt want to be with me or leave the mother of his kids. I keep asking myself why, why WHY WHY! And it only takes little reminders like this to put me back on track. He never intended on leaving her, he never intended on being honest with me and it was easier for him to be a coward and have his cake and eat it too than being a REAL MAN and doing the right thing. And you’re right NML, instead of creating DRAMA and trying to make him into the man I WANTED him to be……. I should have backed away!!! I need to stop giving him soo much credit, giving him the benefit of the doubt…feeling sorry for him blah blah blah!!! I guess my question is……..why do we do this to ourselves?? Why instead of thinking this way……did I choose instead to think there is something about me that wasnt good enough? How do I put and end to this?

]]> By: Sindh http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/good-things-dont-feel-bad-and-getting-into-reality/comment-page-1/#comment-151144 Sindh Fri, 25 Apr 2008 01:49:05 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/good-things-dont-feel-bad-and-getting-into-reality/#comment-151144 Dear Getting Stronger I know how hard it is, trust me but it will and does pass. I used to sit at home, ball my eyes out, keep calling and texting him - which he ignored of course. One minute I was crying becuase he left and the next I was crying because I was with him and downright miserable. I am not sure which was worse. There are many people out there dating and meeting good men, it happens, I have seen it happen and it will happen if we gave it a chance and believed in ourselves a little more. Its not time wasted, its lessons learned which is gonna prod you on to better situations but you gotta hang in there. Joina gym, travel, read, get a new haircut, massage.... start allowing yourself to feel good. God Bless. Dear Getting Stronger
I know how hard it is, trust me but it will and does pass. I used to sit at home, ball my eyes out, keep calling and texting him – which he ignored of course. One minute I was crying becuase he left and the next I was crying because I was with him and downright miserable.
I am not sure which was worse. There are many people out there dating and meeting good men, it happens, I have seen it happen and it will happen if we gave it a chance and believed in ourselves a little more. Its not time wasted, its lessons learned which is gonna prod you on to better situations but you gotta hang in there.
Joina gym, travel, read, get a new haircut, massage…. start allowing yourself to feel good.
God Bless.

]]> By: Getting Stronger http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/good-things-dont-feel-bad-and-getting-into-reality/comment-page-1/#comment-150721 Getting Stronger Wed, 23 Apr 2008 03:56:39 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/good-things-dont-feel-bad-and-getting-into-reality/#comment-150721 Delician, Sindh and FinallyOverIt, Thanks so much for your encouragement and words of wisdom. You are so right...time we waste with these guys is time we will never get back. This is not my life script. I don't want to be caught up in his web ever again. I am feeling better each day, and I will block him from emailing me. Even if I'm not with him, I don't need to waste time having thoughts of him in my head. We do deserve healthy, loving relationships! GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU! Delician, Sindh and FinallyOverIt,
Thanks so much for your encouragement and words of wisdom. You are so right…time we waste with these guys is time we will never get back. This is not my life script. I don’t want to be caught up in his web ever again. I am feeling better each day, and I will block him from emailing me. Even if I’m not with him, I don’t need to waste time having thoughts of him in my head. We do deserve healthy, loving relationships! GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU!

]]> By: FinallyOverIt http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/good-things-dont-feel-bad-and-getting-into-reality/comment-page-1/#comment-150351 FinallyOverIt Mon, 21 Apr 2008 15:32:59 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/good-things-dont-feel-bad-and-getting-into-reality/#comment-150351 Getting stronger, I totally agree with everyone here, as hard as it is, WALK AWAY. All of the "EUM" red flags are flying with his guy, and he WILL NEVER be able to give you what you deserve in a relationship. Start applying the "No Contact" rule immediately on this EUM! Think of the women who have posted on this website who have been going through sh**with these EUMs for years and years! Those are years they will never get back, and although they are learning lessons along the way, hopefully, those are still years they will never get back--years that they could have been with someone who truly loves them and provides the emotional stability of a healthy, loving relationship. You deserve so much more--we all do! Getting stronger, I totally agree with everyone here, as hard as it is, WALK AWAY. All of the “EUM” red flags are flying with his guy, and he WILL NEVER be able to give you what you deserve in a relationship. Start applying the “No Contact” rule immediately on this EUM! Think of the women who have posted on this website who have been going through sh**with these EUMs for years and years! Those are years they will never get back, and although they are learning lessons along the way, hopefully, those are still years they will never get back–years that they could have been with someone who truly loves them and provides the emotional stability of a healthy, loving relationship. You deserve so much more–we all do!

]]> By: Sindh http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/good-things-dont-feel-bad-and-getting-into-reality/comment-page-1/#comment-150298 Sindh Mon, 21 Apr 2008 05:44:00 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/good-things-dont-feel-bad-and-getting-into-reality/#comment-150298 Dear Getting Stronger I am exactly where you are now. I want to so bad go running back to him and he has not even sneezed. Its will be 2 months for me too, I keep going like this and I hope it helps : 1. Keep reading this website even if it for the 100 th time to get strong. If the other ladies could do, NML included so can we 2. Is this what you envisioned for YOU. Is this your life script. I tell myself that I am freeeeee, free to pursue someone who will try, I said TRY to do right by me. Here is that chance for you to rewrite that script, you gonna pass on it. 3.You don't need to be anything other than you are for a man to love you and want you, YOU should be enough. Trying to be something you are not, keeping mum when you wanna scream, tip toeing around egg shells well I did them all and in the end it was still never enough. No one makes him happy or you happy. We owe it to ourselves. I used to be a weepy, whiney gal but I am wiser now thanks to all of them here and NML and trust me, feeling stronger makes me so much happier and sexier than being just not good enough. Walk away and don't look back. Thanks guys. Dear Getting Stronger

I am exactly where you are now. I want to so bad go running back to him and he has not even sneezed. Its will be 2 months for me too, I keep going like this and I hope it helps :

1. Keep reading this website even if it for the 100 th time to get strong. If the other ladies could do, NML included so can we
2. Is this what you envisioned for YOU. Is this your life script. I tell myself that I am freeeeee, free to pursue someone who will try, I said TRY to do right by me. Here is that chance for you to rewrite that script, you gonna pass on it.
3.You don’t need to be anything other than you are for a man to love you and want you, YOU should be enough. Trying to be something you are not, keeping mum when you wanna scream, tip toeing around egg shells well I did them all and in the end it was still never enough.
No one makes him happy or you happy. We owe it to ourselves.
I used to be a weepy, whiney gal but I am wiser now thanks to all of them here and NML and trust me, feeling stronger makes me so much happier and sexier than being just not good enough. Walk away and don’t look back.
Thanks guys.

]]> By: cheekie http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/good-things-dont-feel-bad-and-getting-into-reality/comment-page-1/#comment-150184 cheekie Sun, 20 Apr 2008 16:56:19 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/good-things-dont-feel-bad-and-getting-into-reality/#comment-150184 Oh ya. Drama drinks too. Heavily. Typical alcoholic behaviour it has, one drink and it is drunk. I should know. Many a time my friends have threatened to break my texting fingers and/or hide my phone. And many a time, I have gotten way way WAY too upset and worked up due to having a pint or two when normally I would be completely rational. Yup, never a good mix. Ever. Like Never. lol :) Oh ya. Drama drinks too. Heavily. Typical alcoholic behaviour it has, one drink and it is drunk.

I should know. Many a time my friends have threatened to break my texting fingers and/or hide my phone. And many a time, I have gotten way way WAY too upset and worked up due to having a pint or two when normally I would be completely rational.

Yup, never a good mix. Ever. Like Never.

lol
:)

]]> By: lisaq http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/good-things-dont-feel-bad-and-getting-into-reality/comment-page-1/#comment-150164 lisaq Sun, 20 Apr 2008 15:52:33 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/good-things-dont-feel-bad-and-getting-into-reality/#comment-150164 Crap! I so should have read this before I went out last night and ran into The Math Teacher. Then maybe that whole "get the f*ck out and abort the mission warning" would have been at the front of my brain instead of the "drink more beer" message I was getting. Would have been a much better outcome that left me feeling good about myself rather than miserable about him. Oh, and this hangover I'm nursing? Ugh. Goes without saying, today would have been a much brighter day! Never, I repeat, never mix drama and alcohol. I so need to stamp that shit on my forehead! Crap! I so should have read this before I went out last night and ran into The Math Teacher. Then maybe that whole “get the f*ck out and abort the mission warning” would have been at the front of my brain instead of the “drink more beer” message I was getting. Would have been a much better outcome that left me feeling good about myself rather than miserable about him. Oh, and this hangover I’m nursing? Ugh. Goes without saying, today would have been a much brighter day! Never, I repeat, never mix drama and alcohol. I so need to stamp that shit on my forehead!

]]> By: Delicia1973 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/good-things-dont-feel-bad-and-getting-into-reality/comment-page-1/#comment-150017 Delicia1973 Sun, 20 Apr 2008 00:47:41 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/good-things-dont-feel-bad-and-getting-into-reality/#comment-150017 Getting Stronger, You should block his email, cell number, and anything else that might let you waste your time on him. Don't do it to yourself, PLEASE!!! Getting Stronger,

You should block his email, cell number, and anything else that might let you waste your time on him. Don’t do it to yourself, PLEASE!!!

]]> By: Getting Stronger http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/good-things-dont-feel-bad-and-getting-into-reality/comment-page-1/#comment-149939 Getting Stronger Sat, 19 Apr 2008 16:06:17 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/good-things-dont-feel-bad-and-getting-into-reality/#comment-149939 Thank you NML and everyone. This website has given me a ton of insight and a lot of strength. I finally ended it with my EUM for good 2 months ago. We had been together (I thought exclusively) for a year. The second year I had been in a boomerang relationship with him up until 2 months ago. We had shared some great times together and when we were together it was terrific. We went on several vacations together and got along superbly. I fell in love with him, but he didn't return the feelings. We only saw each once or twice a week on a regular basis for the first year. He put up a wall and wouldn't let the relationship progress. I kept in there because I thought he had potential and he told me he wanted to take things slow. Please!!! Well, he emailed last week and it was a lame email just wanting to see how I am. I didn't respond, but I've been obsessed with him for the past week. I guess there's a part of me still wishing that he will show up on my doorstep declaring his love for me. He was a typical EUM...never told me he loved me, never met my family. I also found him on dating websites. He always had some excuse and I wanted to believe him. It was all about him, what he wanted to do, when he wanted to see me. I could even count on him calling everyday. I turned myself inside out trying to make it work...and I started therapy because of how I realized my self esteem was so low to put up with a guy who wouldn't give me what I want and needed. I ended up going back with him about 4 or 5 more times, ending it quicker and quicker each time when I realized he still wouldn't give me what I needed and it was all about stroking his ego and what he could get from me. He would mostly communicate by email. It was a big deal if he called even though he knew that was what I wanted. It is so pathetic as I am writing this, that I would put up with so little. He knew how I hated email communication as the main way of him contacting me. He would tell me I was the best thing that ever happened to him, how great I was, yada, yada, but would let me break up with him and lose me. Then he would just about have to sneeze and I would go running back. Well this time I didn't respond to him and I'm having a very hard time...there's a part of me that wants to so badly respond and be with him...even though I know logically that he is poisin for me. I know I have to focus on me, but instead I'm thinking about him, what he's doing and what his next move will be. It has been a struggle ever since I met him. I gave away my power to him and he still holds some of it. I know I have to celebrate my victory too...for not talking or corresponding for 2 months and not answering his last email. ANY ADVICE FOR GETTING HIM OUT OF MY HEAD??????? Thank you NML and everyone. This website has given me a ton of insight and a lot of strength. I finally ended it with my EUM for good 2 months ago. We had been together (I thought exclusively) for a year. The second year I had been in a boomerang relationship with him up until 2 months ago. We had shared some great times together and when we were together it was terrific. We went on several vacations together and got along superbly. I fell in love with him, but he didn’t return the feelings. We only saw each once or twice a week on a regular basis for the first year. He put up a wall and wouldn’t let the relationship progress. I kept in there because I thought he had potential and he told me he wanted to take things slow. Please!!! Well, he emailed last week and it was a lame email just wanting to see how I am. I didn’t respond, but I’ve been obsessed with him for the past week. I guess there’s a part of me still wishing that he will show up on my doorstep declaring his love for me. He was a typical EUM…never told me he loved me, never met my family. I also found him on dating websites. He always had some excuse and I wanted to believe him. It was all about him, what he wanted to do, when he wanted to see me. I could even count on him calling everyday. I turned myself inside out trying to make it work…and I started therapy because of how I realized my self esteem was so low to put up with a guy who wouldn’t give me what I want and needed. I ended up going back with him about 4 or 5 more times, ending it quicker and quicker each time when I realized he still wouldn’t give me what I needed and it was all about stroking his ego and what he could get from me. He would mostly communicate by email. It was a big deal if he called even though he knew that was what I wanted. It is so pathetic as I am writing this, that I would put up with so little. He knew how I hated email communication as the main way of him contacting me. He would tell me I was the best thing that ever happened to him, how great I was, yada, yada, but would let me break up with him and lose me. Then he would just about have to sneeze and I would go running back. Well this time I didn’t respond to him and I’m having a very hard time…there’s a part of me that wants to so badly respond and be with him…even though I know logically that he is poisin for me. I know I have to focus on me, but instead I’m thinking about him, what he’s doing and what his next move will be. It has been a struggle ever since I met him. I gave away my power to him and he still holds some of it. I know I have to celebrate my victory too…for not talking or corresponding for 2 months and not answering his last email. ANY ADVICE FOR GETTING HIM OUT OF MY HEAD???????

]]> By: Izzy http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/good-things-dont-feel-bad-and-getting-into-reality/comment-page-1/#comment-149744 Izzy Fri, 18 Apr 2008 22:42:40 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/good-things-dont-feel-bad-and-getting-into-reality/#comment-149744 Absolutely amazing, NML - brilliant! You are spot on, and this really is about more than EUMs - family, friends, co-workers. This is an absolute *gem* of an entry. Now, you may not be into country (most folks aren't), but this song sums up what we're looking for, so take it away Martina McBride: Don't need no copy of Vogue magazine Don't need to dress like no beauty queen High heels or sneakers he don't give a damn My baby loves me just the way that I am My baby loves me just the way that I am He never tells me I'm not good enough Just give me unconditional love He loves me tender and he loves me mad He loves me silly and he loves me sad (CHORUS) He thinks I'm pretty, he thinks I'm smart He likes my nerve and he loves my heart He's always sayin' he's my biggest fan My baby loves me just the way that I am My baby loves me just the way that I am And when there's dark clouds in my eyes He just sits back and lets 'em roll on by I come in like a lion and go out like a lamb My baby loves me just the way that I am My baby loves me just the way that I am (CHORUS) He thinks I'm pretty, he thinks I'm smart He likes my nerve and he loves my heart Don't see no reason to change my plan My baby loves me just the way that I am My baby loves me just the way that I am Yes, ladies, that's right: he has to love your nerve - strength, ambition, outspokenness - as well as your heart. Iz xx Absolutely amazing, NML – brilliant! You are spot on, and this really is about more than EUMs – family, friends, co-workers. This is an absolute *gem* of an entry.

Now, you may not be into country (most folks aren’t), but this song sums up what we’re looking for, so take it away Martina McBride:

Don’t need no copy of Vogue magazine
Don’t need to dress like no beauty queen
High heels or sneakers he don’t give a damn
My baby loves me just the way that I am
My baby loves me just the way that I am

He never tells me I’m not good enough
Just give me unconditional love
He loves me tender and he loves me mad
He loves me silly and he loves me sad

(CHORUS)
He thinks I’m pretty, he thinks I’m smart
He likes my nerve and he loves my heart
He’s always sayin’ he’s my biggest fan
My baby loves me just the way that I am
My baby loves me just the way that I am

And when there’s dark clouds in my eyes
He just sits back and lets ‘em roll on by
I come in like a lion and go out like a lamb
My baby loves me just the way that I am
My baby loves me just the way that I am

(CHORUS)
He thinks I’m pretty, he thinks I’m smart
He likes my nerve and he loves my heart
Don’t see no reason to change my plan
My baby loves me just the way that I am
My baby loves me just the way that I am

Yes, ladies, that’s right: he has to love your nerve – strength, ambition, outspokenness – as well as your heart.

Iz xx

]]> By: Delicia1973 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/good-things-dont-feel-bad-and-getting-into-reality/comment-page-1/#comment-149677 Delicia1973 Fri, 18 Apr 2008 18:42:14 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/good-things-dont-feel-bad-and-getting-into-reality/#comment-149677 I had to get that out, I apologise for all the typos!! I had to get that out, I apologise for all the typos!!

]]> By: Delicia1973 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/good-things-dont-feel-bad-and-getting-into-reality/comment-page-1/#comment-149676 Delicia1973 Fri, 18 Apr 2008 18:40:39 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/good-things-dont-feel-bad-and-getting-into-reality/#comment-149676 I love this blog. It has taught me so much about what setting boundries, which was really difficult for me before. I had a mother who would constantly tell me she felt sorry for whoever ended up with me ( my sister for that matter too). Well, go figure I have been married twice by the time I was 35 and I realised I didn't love any of them because I didn't love myself, and I didn't know what I wanted. Well after a workaholic and an alcoholic, I am finally figuring out me...and it has been great so far, but hard, so face some realities. The blog has actually helped me be accountable for my actions and also tell people NO, which had been extremely hard before!! Unfortunately some people think don't like me as well because I am not a yes person, but I like myself and my life better and I also make better choices.. Go Al!! I love this blog. It has taught me so much about what setting boundries, which was really difficult for me before. I had a mother who would constantly tell me she felt sorry for whoever ended up with me ( my sister for that matter too). Well, go figure I have been married twice by the time I was 35 and I realised I didn’t love any of them because I didn’t love myself, and I didn’t know what I wanted. Well after a workaholic and an alcoholic, I am finally figuring out me…and it has been great so far, but hard, so face some realities. The blog has actually helped me be accountable for my actions and also tell people NO, which had been extremely hard before!! Unfortunately some people think don’t like me as well because I am not a yes person, but I like myself and my life better and I also make better choices.. Go Al!!

]]> By: FinallyOverIt http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/good-things-dont-feel-bad-and-getting-into-reality/comment-page-1/#comment-149627 FinallyOverIt Fri, 18 Apr 2008 16:09:52 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/good-things-dont-feel-bad-and-getting-into-reality/#comment-149627 Yes! Completely right on. I was talking to my shrink yesterday about a situation with a "friend" of mine, and about how I wasn't getting anything out of the friendship and was basically feeling used by her, and she asked me what messages were going through my head about that, and I said "I feel like I don't matter. I feel invisible." Through tears, I came to the epithany that because I got the message somewhere along my road of life that I didn't matter and I was invisible, so why should I expect that anyone in my life should treat me like a lovable, wonderful human being? So, I chose to be around people that would validate my "unlove" for myself. This is such a big revelation for me, and I'm in the process of weeding out relationships in my life that are not unhealthy for me (including my EUM!). Again, this website has been my saving grace through all of this, and I so appreciate everyone's input, honesty, and support. We rock! Yes! Completely right on. I was talking to my shrink yesterday about a situation with a “friend” of mine, and about how I wasn’t getting anything out of the friendship and was basically feeling used by her, and she asked me what messages were going through my head about that, and I said “I feel like I don’t matter. I feel invisible.” Through tears, I came to the epithany that because I got the message somewhere along my road of life that I didn’t matter and I was invisible, so why should I expect that anyone in my life should treat me like a lovable, wonderful human being? So, I chose to be around people that would validate my “unlove” for myself. This is such a big revelation for me, and I’m in the process of weeding out relationships in my life that are not unhealthy for me (including my EUM!). Again, this website has been my saving grace through all of this, and I so appreciate everyone’s input, honesty, and support. We rock!

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