Comments on: Guest Post: A Journey in an Honest Conversation from Pain to Self-Love

By: holly

holly — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 21:43:39 +0000

seriously, a wonderful blog. I just finally got over a “relationship that wasn’t” that lasted over a year with an EUM who is also a rock star. EVERYTHING described here fits him to a tee. For me, the ONLY solution was having no contact – sending his emails immediately to delete, blocking facebook access and ignoring him when I have to be at events where he is. I spent so much time trying to get his validation only to realize one night after watching him that HE was actually not good enough for ME.

These posts have been enlightening in helping me see through so much of the BS I couldn’t understand because, frankly, I’ve never met anyone who was such an assclown – normally I’m smart enough to run. And in retrospect, I knew 6 weeks into this that I should have. Keep these up.

By: maria

maria — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 23:21:31 +0000

i am experiencing another relationship disappointment and after a lot of thinking and analysis i tried to search some things on the net to help me clear things out. i am recognising myself in almost all the “symptoms”. i have followed this pattern for years, for too long. The causes of this behaviour for me are deep-routed and have to do with our childhood and our relationships with our parents. We keep longing for the things we were not given as children. Our confidence is low and rejection is the worst threat, as it would confirm that we do not deserve to be loved. I hope that the first step is realising the problem. Reading that some of you have actually made is is comforting! thanks for sharing!

By: Marion

Marion — Sun, 11 Apr 2010 14:13:13 +0000

I found this website by accident, I had been searching for something , looking for anything that would help me get off of this rollercoaster. I’ve read a lot of stuff out there but nothing really got my attention until now.
I will be checking in often and with your help begin the process of healing.

Thank you for being

By: Gayle

Gayle — Sat, 03 Apr 2010 03:30:55 +0000

Butterfly,

You sound like you’re in a great place. I’m very happy for you.

Your friend,
Gayle

By: Butterfly

Butterfly — Sat, 03 Apr 2010 02:40:52 +0000

This time last year I was just leaping back into what became the epiphany relationship for the terminal phase. I might have read all these things last year but I’d never have thought it could be me saying it in a year’s time.

It is, though. The last year was lonely, scary and I am not exactly leaping with pride about some anger issues I had – though after suppressing anger for over ten years I guess that was inevitable. Truth is, last year I’d not have recognised genuinely good for me if it had been gift wrapped in gold. A couple of those points definitely applied – and I’d not even remotely have interested the totally different guy I have met. I am still a little wary – only natural – but the communication lines are well open and flowing in ways I have never been able to use with a man in my life before.

What does he prize most of all in me? That I am me. Who can say fairer than that… warts and all. Just remember, that in your darkest hour what you see and feel is probably nothing more than the catalyst you need to change yourself. It hurts, yes, but then again surgery always does in the immediate aftermath.

By: ttmariej

ttmariej — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 20:38:22 +0000

I think this story is very inspirational. Although I have cut contact I continue to obsess about it. This story shows me that although the road maybe tough there is hope and it can be done!

By: Tanya

Tanya — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 17:38:08 +0000

Great post once again.. I can relate to many of these. Especially
#2 I don�t ask questions because I am afraid that the answers will be too painful. I have been guilty of this….it goes along with me pretending that it did not matter what Mr. UA did or did not do. Since I have started keeping it real with myself…I have noticed things I have been trying to avoid seeing before. It has not been easy but I a getting through it. Thank you again.

By: RES

RES — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 14:08:05 +0000

Hi Sherry!
Your comment was beautiful. Please don’t think that my “assumptions” list represented and “end” for me. It was only the beginning. LOL. We are ALL a work in progress. ALWAYS! And do you know what? That’s totally OK! One thing that I’ve learned over the years is that in life there are no easy answers, no perfection. There is only what is REAL. And although I’m not living my fantasy, what I’ve found that being “present” in my own life has definite benefits. I feel a sense of total and complete freedom that I wouldn’t trade for anything. With or without a partner, I will live my live according to what “I” want!!
Hugs right back at you, and again, I’m right with you. We’re all learning together.

By: Sherry

Sherry — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 05:37:05 +0000

NML,

Thank you for this enlightening post! Kudos to RES! Girl, I’m right behind you!

I too am going through my journey of self-realization, again! LOL I laugh because I’ve come to accept that this is an on-going journey. I have to keep checking “in” with myself to ensure that I’m still the “real me”. I’m still the woman who I’ve become after going through all of the things I’ve gone through in life that made me who I am today. I still hurt. I still want. I still care. I still cry. I still love. But I have to check-in with myself once in a while and I’m at that stage of my life again.

LIke I’d mentioned before, I am a WIP (work in progress). I’m constantly growing inside and within and I have come to accept that this is part of self-love to constantly say to myself, “are you okay? Are you getting what you need? Are you loving yourself, putting up boundaries and ensuring that the people around you know those boundaries and that they’re unacceptable to you”. Taking time to do something nice for myself and one of them is therapy.

Bravo RES! Thank you for allowing us to see a part of “you” in these pages and sharing “you” so we can all learn.

hugs!
Sherry

By: leeluh

leeluh — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 02:47:29 +0000

This post inspired me to write my own list and I had a big revelation. When I was writing down in two columns, one of what I feel for him and one of what I don’t feel for him, I couldn’t decide were to put: respect. It was the worst insight I have ever had in a while… Why do I care for someone I don’t respect?
leeluh´s last blog ..Sucio Familiar

By: Lenora

Lenora — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 20:19:37 +0000

Thanks for the great post about beliefs. One popular limiting belief is “I’m not worthy to be loved or to be successful, so I’ll give and give and rarely say no, so I can prove I’m worthy.” The interesting thing is that there is no marker (even after 50 years of giving), where they say, “Okay, I’ve done this much, so now it proves I’m worthy.” It’s a vicious cycle until the limiting belief changes.
Lenora´s last blog ..Happiness Decreases Cardiac Risks

By: Kathy

Kathy — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 16:26:13 +0000

You know, it might not be a bad idea to follow men’s examples sometimes and not make relationships the center of our lives and instead go out and look for adventures and interesting things to see, do and learn.

By: katty

katty — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 13:48:19 +0000

But what I have noticed is that women are the ones who strive to getting healthy, present and loving to our selves. But what about men? Most of them dont read books or search websites on how to improve their relationships and themselves. Its like an unfair balance where we seem to do the dirty work while they just move on to their next victim.

By: Kat Wilder

Kat Wilder — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 04:00:36 +0000

RES is a smart woman. We can’t fully be present and loving in a relationship in a healthy way until and unless we are healthy, present and loving to our selves.

Taking time off to focus on that (not in a self-absorbed way!) is key.

Yet, we all know this, but often do what we want anyway; it’s easier and gives us what we think we want right now. That’s why there are so many relationship experts and self-help books.

I think, unfortunately, you have to be in crisis mode to “get” it. Wish that weren’t so, though ….
Kat Wilder´s last blog ..The end of the world as we know it

By: Stephanie

Stephanie — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 01:37:14 +0000

Normally, one should know there is life after the EUM, but sometimes when one is in the thick of it, one forgets…Really needed to hear a success story now as well as the steps to recovery…Thanks RES and Natalie for this one…