Comments on: Guest post: Don’t engage the Drama Demon http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/guest-post-dont-engage-the-drama-demon/ Getting you savvy, smart, sussed and sexy about dating and relationships. Wed, 07 Jan 2009 22:36:19 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.2 By: lisaq http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/guest-post-dont-engage-the-drama-demon/#comment-151194 lisaq Fri, 25 Apr 2008 11:14:56 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/?p=1038#comment-151194 You are so right FinallyOverIt! Drama does keep us from facing reality and in a state of denial. My friend, almost a week in, is starting to see that. She is facing old patterns and issues that kept her embroiled in the drama. Good news is that she'll come out on the other side! Absolutely Kim & Honey. Drama comes in all shapes, sizes and people even family members. NML's drama mama and mine are perfect examples. Glad I cold help pheobie. That's what I'm here for! :D Good point Izzy. Drama demons like to be in control and have the power. Oh NML I so hear you. There are times when I know I can deal with my drama mama and times I know I can't. The beautiful thing is I can choose to deal with her when I can and walk away when I can't. Exactly Brad! Once it was done, it was done. The only reason he was trying to communicate was to try to worm his way back in. He was in panic mode knowing he lost his gravy train. There was no reason to entertain any more of his madness. Sindh, he does it because he can. You are going to have to establish a no contact rule here and stick to it! You can't control what he does, only how you react to it. You are so right FinallyOverIt! Drama does keep us from facing reality and in a state of denial. My friend, almost a week in, is starting to see that. She is facing old patterns and issues that kept her embroiled in the drama. Good news is that she’ll come out on the other side!

Absolutely Kim & Honey. Drama comes in all shapes, sizes and people even family members. NML’s drama mama and mine are perfect examples.

Glad I cold help pheobie. That’s what I’m here for! :D

Good point Izzy. Drama demons like to be in control and have the power.

Oh NML I so hear you. There are times when I know I can deal with my drama mama and times I know I can’t. The beautiful thing is I can choose to deal with her when I can and walk away when I can’t.

Exactly Brad! Once it was done, it was done. The only reason he was trying to communicate was to try to worm his way back in. He was in panic mode knowing he lost his gravy train. There was no reason to entertain any more of his madness.

Sindh, he does it because he can. You are going to have to establish a no contact rule here and stick to it! You can’t control what he does, only how you react to it.

]]> By: Sindh http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/guest-post-dont-engage-the-drama-demon/#comment-151134 Sindh Fri, 25 Apr 2008 00:54:18 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/?p=1038#comment-151134 Brad Why does my ex have this need to keep on hurting me. I have broken up with him, blocked him on IM and deleted his number and determined to move on. He books into this hotel where my gym is and sends me nasty emails saying he is town with a new gal and gonna be droppin by to say Hi to me. I ignore it but I am just human, it hurts that he would go so low. Not to mention constantly emailing me telling me how my family never wanted me, its true they never have and thanks to them I keep picking these EUMs but I am determined for a fresh start but whatever is healing gets ripped apart over and over again. What do I do ? Brad
Why does my ex have this need to keep on hurting me. I have broken up with him, blocked him on IM and deleted his number and determined to move on. He books into this hotel where my gym is and sends me nasty emails saying he is town with a new gal and gonna be droppin by to say Hi to me. I ignore it but I am just human, it hurts that he would go so low.
Not to mention constantly emailing me telling me how my family never wanted me, its true they never have and thanks to them I keep picking these EUMs but I am determined for a fresh start but whatever is healing gets ripped apart over and over again. What do I do ?

]]> By: Brad K. http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/guest-post-dont-engage-the-drama-demon/#comment-151124 Brad K. Fri, 25 Apr 2008 00:20:28 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/?p=1038#comment-151124 The cold shoulder. "The rude man, by his manner, requires others be direct." When you are done with the relationship, you owe him a clear communication: "It is over. I am done." At that point you don't owe him an explanation. You don't have a responsibility to answer questions. You certainly don't owe him favors, or second chances, or even the time to listen. Remember (but don't explain!) that he lost your trust and your respect. You no longer consider him appropriate in your home and life. Think, "How can I get this missionary/encyclopedia salesmen to leave!" Don't reward him by listening, by paying attention. You don't want to practice lying, so don't agree to anything, don't promise anything. Be polite, but skip the courtesies, if that makes sense. I also like how friends were used to keep a lid on things. The friends present at the least pushed the screaming to the basement, shortened the time wasted, and kept the confrontation from dragging out or getting worse. Another reason for friends. And to reward the friends? Pick a person of good character for your next partner-prospect. Show them with your life that they helped. The cold shoulder. “The rude man, by his manner, requires others be direct.”

When you are done with the relationship, you owe him a clear communication: “It is over. I am done.” At that point you don’t owe him an explanation. You don’t have a responsibility to answer questions. You certainly don’t owe him favors, or second chances, or even the time to listen.

Remember (but don’t explain!) that he lost your trust and your respect. You no longer consider him appropriate in your home and life. Think, “How can I get this missionary/encyclopedia salesmen to leave!”

Don’t reward him by listening, by paying attention. You don’t want to practice lying, so don’t agree to anything, don’t promise anything. Be polite, but skip the courtesies, if that makes sense.

I also like how friends were used to keep a lid on things. The friends present at the least pushed the screaming to the basement, shortened the time wasted, and kept the confrontation from dragging out or getting worse. Another reason for friends. And to reward the friends? Pick a person of good character for your next partner-prospect. Show them with your life that they helped.

]]> By: It’s About Making Babies! » Blog Archive http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/guest-post-dont-engage-the-drama-demon/#comment-151119 It’s About Making Babies! » Blog Archive Fri, 25 Apr 2008 00:04:41 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/?p=1038#comment-151119 [...] Q writes Don’t Engage the Drama Demon on Baggage Reclaim. She discusses the breakup - the confrontation where the partner is told to [...] [...] Q writes Don’t Engage the Drama Demon on Baggage Reclaim. She discusses the breakup - the confrontation where the partner is told to [...]

]]> By: NML http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/guest-post-dont-engage-the-drama-demon/#comment-151090 NML Thu, 24 Apr 2008 22:18:54 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/?p=1038#comment-151090 Another great post Lisa Q! Do.Not.Engage! That's exactly what I did to my ma for five weeks and in the end she had to tow the frickin line. I can't bear the drama and it is actually draining as Honey described. Frickin' life sappers! I don't do drama and I feel uncomfortable around anyone that lives off it and wants to draw me in. I have to agree with Honey - you have to drop these people out of your life before the rot sets in. Ditch these men! Ooh I feel like it's a burning bra moment! Kim - Hilarious! Yes I do know who you are talking about! Finally Over It - Yep! Been there and run away from it too. You'd have got dragged down with them too! Pheobie - Girl, stop wondering. You'll only end up back at square one otherwise! Embrace the break and run in the opposite direction from him! Izzy - Exactly! We put ourselves in the driving seat! Another great post Lisa Q! Do.Not.Engage! That’s exactly what I did to my ma for five weeks and in the end she had to tow the frickin line. I can’t bear the drama and it is actually draining as Honey described. Frickin’ life sappers! I don’t do drama and I feel uncomfortable around anyone that lives off it and wants to draw me in. I have to agree with Honey - you have to drop these people out of your life before the rot sets in. Ditch these men! Ooh I feel like it’s a burning bra moment!
Kim - Hilarious! Yes I do know who you are talking about!
Finally Over It - Yep! Been there and run away from it too. You’d have got dragged down with them too!
Pheobie - Girl, stop wondering. You’ll only end up back at square one otherwise! Embrace the break and run in the opposite direction from him!
Izzy - Exactly! We put ourselves in the driving seat!

]]> By: Izzy http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/guest-post-dont-engage-the-drama-demon/#comment-151068 Izzy Thu, 24 Apr 2008 21:08:23 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/?p=1038#comment-151068 Brilliant, Lisa Q - learned that one with my father years ago. You may think walking away means you lose, but what you've just done is taken the power away from them, because they no longer control your emotions or the situation. Game, set, match - you. Iz xx Brilliant, Lisa Q - learned that one with my father years ago. You may think walking away means you lose, but what you’ve just done is taken the power away from them, because they no longer control your emotions or the situation. Game, set, match - you. Iz xx

]]> By: pheobie http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/guest-post-dont-engage-the-drama-demon/#comment-151066 pheobie Thu, 24 Apr 2008 21:01:24 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/?p=1038#comment-151066 Thank you for the post... I really needed to here this Today! I am ending up (4th time) the relationship with EUM, yet I am wondering what he is doing right now. I tried enough, and it is the time to end. Thank you for the post… I really needed to here this Today! I am ending up (4th time) the relationship with EUM, yet I am wondering what he is doing right now.

I tried enough, and it is the time to end.

]]> By: Honey http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/guest-post-dont-engage-the-drama-demon/#comment-151051 Honey Thu, 24 Apr 2008 20:01:01 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/?p=1038#comment-151051 Lisa, this is SO TRUE, and for every aspect of your life, not just your romantic relationships. My BF was miserable for the last two years of a four-year relationship with his ex, and while I commend him for eventually ending it (largely because I lucked out as a result!) he continues friendships with energy-drain types and don't even get me started on his family. I may get a lot of flack for saying it, but I believe people who influence your life negatively should be cut out, no matter who they are. Lots of people think it's selfish--I think it's self-preservation. Lisa, this is SO TRUE, and for every aspect of your life, not just your romantic relationships. My BF was miserable for the last two years of a four-year relationship with his ex, and while I commend him for eventually ending it (largely because I lucked out as a result!) he continues friendships with energy-drain types and don’t even get me started on his family. I may get a lot of flack for saying it, but I believe people who influence your life negatively should be cut out, no matter who they are. Lots of people think it’s selfish–I think it’s self-preservation.

]]> By: Kim http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/guest-post-dont-engage-the-drama-demon/#comment-151039 Kim Thu, 24 Apr 2008 17:24:48 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/?p=1038#comment-151039 Lisa - AMEN! Do not engage! Great advice! May I add this can be used on family members as well? NML & Lisa Q you know who I am talking about! LOL Lisa - AMEN! Do not engage! Great advice! May I add this can be used on family members as well? NML & Lisa Q you know who I am talking about! LOL

]]> By: FinallyOverIt http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/guest-post-dont-engage-the-drama-demon/#comment-151034 FinallyOverIt Thu, 24 Apr 2008 16:50:51 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/?p=1038#comment-151034 Good post, Lisa Q, yes it is true that drama is a drug and many of us are addicted to it. I have (had) a friend who is completely embroiled in drama with her drama man and his family, and sadly it has caused the demise of our friendship. I felt myself becoming sucked into the madness of her life with this man, and she is becoming "programmed" to be just like all of them, and it was just too painful to be a part of. It's interesting, because I think that being on the "drama drug" keeps people from having to really face their own reality in life and keeps them in a state of denial about what they are doing. If they can constantly stay focused on, and be a part of the drama, nothing else in their life comes to the surface that they may not want to face. Good post, Lisa Q, yes it is true that drama is a drug and many of us are addicted to it. I have (had) a friend who is completely embroiled in drama with her drama man and his family, and sadly it has caused the demise of our friendship. I felt myself becoming sucked into the madness of her life with this man, and she is becoming “programmed” to be just like all of them, and it was just too painful to be a part of. It’s interesting, because I think that being on the “drama drug” keeps people from having to really face their own reality in life and keeps them in a state of denial about what they are doing. If they can constantly stay focused on, and be a part of the drama, nothing else in their life comes to the surface that they may not want to face.

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