Comments on: Guest Post: If you have to wonder if your man is going to spend Christmas with you-run! http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/guest-post-if-you-have-to-wonder-if-your-man-is-going-to-spend-christmas-with-you-run/ Self Esteem|Dating|Relationships|Emotional Unavailability|Commitment| Sat, 11 Feb 2012 20:27:34 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: ph2072 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/guest-post-if-you-have-to-wonder-if-your-man-is-going-to-spend-christmas-with-you-run/comment-page-1/#comment-251230 ph2072 Mon, 21 Dec 2009 03:04:52 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/guest-post-if-you-have-to-wonder-if-your-man-is-going-to-spend-christmas-with-you-run/#comment-251230 Nice guest post. :-) Nice guest post. :-)

]]> By: AJ http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/guest-post-if-you-have-to-wonder-if-your-man-is-going-to-spend-christmas-with-you-run/comment-page-1/#comment-251219 AJ Sun, 20 Dec 2009 17:28:36 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/guest-post-if-you-have-to-wonder-if-your-man-is-going-to-spend-christmas-with-you-run/#comment-251219 Just when you think you got it bad you read something like Teresa's situation! I can't believe what I read sometimes...it's like being in a boxing match and getting the wind knocked out of you repeatedly! I cant get over the deliberate actions of some of these guys. I mean...as angry as I could possibly be at another person I could NEVER stomp on someone's emotions in the manner that I've been treated. I'm pretty thick skinned too; but CMON ALREADY!! Let up!! Maybe this is why I went back so many times. I couldnt fathom the notion of this being intentional...surely the man I love wouldnt treat me this way. Im just imagining it or perhaps I'm over inflating the situation because Im PMSing. The further away I get from that weird situation the clearer things become and the angrier I get...at MYSELF! Thank God for this site and for all the sharing. It really makes a person feel empowered over a seemingly hopeless situation. I'm currently still cleansing him from my bloodstream. Its been 2 painful months now. I want to stop being angry now but I dont know how to stop throwing myself this pity party! Just when you think you got it bad you read something like Teresa’s situation! I can’t believe what I read sometimes…it’s like being in a boxing match and getting the wind knocked out of you repeatedly! I cant get over the deliberate actions of some of these guys. I mean…as angry as I could possibly be at another person I could NEVER stomp on someone’s emotions in the manner that I’ve been treated. I’m pretty thick skinned too; but CMON ALREADY!! Let up!! Maybe this is why I went back so many times. I couldnt fathom the notion of this being intentional…surely the man I love wouldnt treat me this way. Im just imagining it or perhaps I’m over inflating the situation because Im PMSing. The further away I get from that weird situation the clearer things become and the angrier I get…at MYSELF! Thank God for this site and for all the sharing. It really makes a person feel empowered over a seemingly hopeless situation. I’m currently still cleansing him from my bloodstream. Its been 2 painful months now. I want to stop being angry now but I dont know how to stop throwing myself this pity party!

]]> By: Used http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/guest-post-if-you-have-to-wonder-if-your-man-is-going-to-spend-christmas-with-you-run/comment-page-1/#comment-251182 Used Sat, 19 Dec 2009 18:21:05 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/guest-post-if-you-have-to-wonder-if-your-man-is-going-to-spend-christmas-with-you-run/#comment-251182 Psycho & results-oriented = Stay Away! Happy holidays to all! Psycho & results-oriented = Stay Away!

Happy holidays to all!

]]> By: Teresa http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/guest-post-if-you-have-to-wonder-if-your-man-is-going-to-spend-christmas-with-you-run/comment-page-1/#comment-251169 Teresa Sat, 19 Dec 2009 02:40:05 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/guest-post-if-you-have-to-wonder-if-your-man-is-going-to-spend-christmas-with-you-run/#comment-251169 Here's to all the "single" ladies! I too am alone this Christmas. My ex lost 2 jobs in which I stood by him; I encouraged him to relocate to Tampa and see what the job market was like there. I could relocate. I was supposed to move July 4th weekend after I graduated w/my bachelors! My house was packed, job up for bid, I was ready to go. Assclown had found a job and was nearing his 90 days. Shortly after he landed his job he was blowing hot n cold. Two weekends in a row I was lucky to hear from him once a day; compared to the many times he called/texted/emailed..a complete 180. I was to fly there to check out some apartments for us. One Monday after a disappearance over the weekend he stated "oh, I moved." I was shocked; we were going to look together and also see where I might land a job. He stated he wasnt driving more than 30 minutes in any direction (nice, egh?). The 2nd weekend he played hudini I prayed to God to give me an answer. I was in pain no knowing what was happening. Assclown promised he's call that evening. The call never came; my answer was there. I made a decision enough was enough. The next day he sent a couple texts "he needed alone time" (hum, he was living in FL alone?), I deserved better, and then he loved me. I had a gut feeling and phoned his work; he was FIRED! Lie after lie surfaced. Its as though he wasnt even the person I fell in love with - a double life. He has got in my email, voicemail, and even created a profile posting me in a bathing suit to 3rd parties. As recent as Sunday he faked a text from the Tampa Highway Patrol as I was emergency contact and there was an accident w/fatality. When I phoned his mom as POSSIBLY he was in an accident; her comment was "why do you do this"; no accident - he's getting married! So, not even 5 months have passed and he is supposedly serious again. He just got a divorce in January of 2009! My family thinks he is psycho for this harrassment....I now have him blocked from texting. I am very lonely as feel as if my life was turned upside down but I know this man is dangerous. Stay strong everyone; we deserve BETTER!!! Here’s to all the “single” ladies!

I too am alone this Christmas. My ex lost 2 jobs in which I stood by him; I encouraged him to relocate to Tampa and see what the job market was like there. I could relocate. I was supposed to move July 4th weekend after I graduated w/my bachelors! My house was packed, job up for bid, I was ready to go. Assclown had found a job and was nearing his 90 days. Shortly after he landed his job he was blowing hot n cold. Two weekends in a row I was lucky to hear from him once a day; compared to the many times he called/texted/emailed..a complete 180. I was to fly there to check out some apartments for us. One Monday after a disappearance over the weekend he stated “oh, I moved.” I was shocked; we were going to look together and also see where I might land a job. He stated he wasnt driving more than 30 minutes in any direction (nice, egh?). The 2nd weekend he played hudini I prayed to God to give me an answer. I was in pain no knowing what was happening. Assclown promised he’s call that evening. The call never came; my answer was there. I made a decision enough was enough. The next day he sent a couple texts “he needed alone time” (hum, he was living in FL alone?), I deserved better, and then he loved me. I had a gut feeling and phoned his work; he was FIRED! Lie after lie surfaced. Its as though he wasnt even the person I fell in love with – a double life.
He has got in my email, voicemail, and even created a profile posting me in a bathing suit to 3rd parties. As recent as Sunday he faked a text from the Tampa Highway Patrol as I was emergency contact and there was an accident w/fatality. When I phoned his mom as POSSIBLY he was in an accident; her comment was “why do you do this”; no accident – he’s getting married! So, not even 5 months have passed and he is supposedly serious again. He just got a divorce in January of 2009! My family thinks he is psycho for this harrassment….I now have him blocked from texting. I am very lonely as feel as if my life was turned upside down but I know this man is dangerous.
Stay strong everyone; we deserve BETTER!!!

]]> By: AJ http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/guest-post-if-you-have-to-wonder-if-your-man-is-going-to-spend-christmas-with-you-run/comment-page-1/#comment-251166 AJ Fri, 18 Dec 2009 23:55:29 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/guest-post-if-you-have-to-wonder-if-your-man-is-going-to-spend-christmas-with-you-run/#comment-251166 That absolutely broke my heart as I read it. It pertains to so many of us in similar ways - even if not so blatantly (OMG what a Ahole). When you mentioned the moment where he said his exwife was coming over and how he didnt think about the plans you had made..then the ex gf...that moment right there is that weird feeling I've experienced so often. Like you know you should rip his head off but you just scoop your jaw off the floor and let it slide...always letting it slide. Men are so much more defined after visiting this site. That absolutely broke my heart as I read it. It pertains to so many of us in similar ways – even if not so blatantly (OMG what a Ahole). When you mentioned the moment where he said his exwife was coming over and how he didnt think about the plans you had made..then the ex gf…that moment right there is that weird feeling I’ve experienced so often. Like you know you should rip his head off but you just scoop your jaw off the floor and let it slide…always letting it slide. Men are so much more defined after visiting this site.

]]> By: Stillhurting http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/guest-post-if-you-have-to-wonder-if-your-man-is-going-to-spend-christmas-with-you-run/comment-page-1/#comment-251160 Stillhurting Fri, 18 Dec 2009 20:29:58 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/guest-post-if-you-have-to-wonder-if-your-man-is-going-to-spend-christmas-with-you-run/#comment-251160 I can so relate - especially to expectations. My EUM actually had our first "date" on Christmas Day - my kids had gone to their father's house and I was alone so when the dinner invite came I thought what the heck. We had "known" each other a year and he seemed like a nice guy. After dinner we went over to his place to watch a movie - I thought it was odd that there were no decorations or anything resembling holiday cheer. A year into the relationship I "THOUGHT" I was in I came over to his house to "exchange gifts" as he had to "work" and again no decorations. I gave him a lovely present - he showed me a picture of a jewelry box he was building for me but had not quite finished yet. Of course there was a plate of cookies from a "neighbor". New Years Eve was spent alone as he "had to work". Much later I found out he was with the OW that night. I never did get the jewelry box - just another unfulfilled promise as they all were. I have always been a holiday person - decorations, cookie baking, presents and the whole bit. I didn't see the red flags then. I see them now - CLEARLY. My standard were also compromised in a vain attempt to get him to respond in some way... maybe if I was better, sexier, more attentive then... you know the story. I have come to realize compatibility is extremely important. Our values and beliefs are at opposite ends of the spectrum - not even close but he depended on mine - I would never cheat - against my beliefs - he didn't have to worry about anything and I was navie to assume that he would keep his promise of monogamny which I told him I insisted on and he of course agreed too. I know what he will be doing this Christmas - I don't need contact to confirm that - nothing - he will never change - of that I am sure. Probably looking for new prey. I pray for that person whoever she may be - run lady run as fast as you can he's the EUM/AC man. I also know what I will be doing this Christmas - my house is already decorated, the tree is up, the cookie makings are bought, nearly all the presents are bought thou I have wrapping to do. Both boys are coming home for Christmas week and we will be baking and laughing all weekend watching our favorite holiday movies and remembering when. It will be a great holiday - better than before. I can so relate – especially to expectations. My EUM actually had our first “date” on Christmas Day – my kids had gone to their father’s house and I was alone so when the dinner invite came I thought what the heck. We had “known” each other a year and he seemed like a nice guy. After dinner we went over to his place to watch a movie – I thought it was odd that there were no decorations or anything resembling holiday cheer. A year into the relationship I “THOUGHT” I was in I came over to his house to “exchange gifts” as he had to “work” and again no decorations. I gave him a lovely present – he showed me a picture of a jewelry box he was building for me but had not quite finished yet. Of course there was a plate of cookies from a “neighbor”. New Years Eve was spent alone as he “had to work”. Much later I found out he was with the OW that night. I never did get the jewelry box – just another unfulfilled promise as they all were. I have always been a holiday person – decorations, cookie baking, presents and the whole bit. I didn’t see the red flags then. I see them now – CLEARLY. My standard were also compromised in a vain attempt to get him to respond in some way… maybe if I was better, sexier, more attentive then… you know the story. I have come to realize compatibility is extremely important. Our values and beliefs are at opposite ends of the spectrum – not even close but he depended on mine – I would never cheat – against my beliefs – he didn’t have to worry about anything and I was navie to assume that he would keep his promise of monogamny which I told him I insisted on and he of course agreed too. I know what he will be doing this Christmas – I don’t need contact to confirm that – nothing – he will never change – of that I am sure. Probably looking for new prey. I pray for that person whoever she may be – run lady run as fast as you can he’s the EUM/AC man. I also know what I will be doing this Christmas – my house is already decorated, the tree is up, the cookie makings are bought, nearly all the presents are bought thou I have wrapping to do. Both boys are coming home for Christmas week and we will be baking and laughing all weekend watching our favorite holiday movies and remembering when. It will be a great holiday – better than before.

]]> By: MonaLisa http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/guest-post-if-you-have-to-wonder-if-your-man-is-going-to-spend-christmas-with-you-run/comment-page-1/#comment-251154 MonaLisa Fri, 18 Dec 2009 14:53:24 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/guest-post-if-you-have-to-wonder-if-your-man-is-going-to-spend-christmas-with-you-run/#comment-251154 I just realized what I was about to do. I was feeling nostalgic and was getting ready to text MR BIGTIME EUM. Your words brought me back to REALITY. Though it still hurts and I have all kinds of feelings (still!!)for this clunker I am not breaking NO CONTACT. I am learning to go through this process to be more loving to myself. Thanks. I just realized what I was about to do. I was feeling nostalgic and was getting ready to text MR BIGTIME EUM. Your words brought me back to REALITY. Though it still hurts and I have all kinds of feelings (still!!)for this clunker I am not breaking NO CONTACT. I am learning to go through this process to be more loving to myself. Thanks.

]]> By: Trish http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/guest-post-if-you-have-to-wonder-if-your-man-is-going-to-spend-christmas-with-you-run/comment-page-1/#comment-251148 Trish Fri, 18 Dec 2009 05:57:15 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/guest-post-if-you-have-to-wonder-if-your-man-is-going-to-spend-christmas-with-you-run/#comment-251148 Astelle I wish it was a facade, unfortunately I have seen the pictures. He had a good time. I would like to think at 1 1/2 years into a relationship a good guy would want me to come to Christmas. Of course that is if we had a real relationship - at this point I should refer to it as a big Joke. Some of the crap this guy pulled is unbelievable, but I accepted it. I take responsibilty for that. I do know I wont accept it again from any man. A counselor once told me that I needed to get to a comfortable place within myself, secure enough to know without a shadow of a doubt that if something didn't feel right by me and my standards, then it is not ok. It doesn't matter if the world or any man disagrees with how I feel about it, because there my standards. I had standards when I started dating this AC/EUM, we all know how they get managed down. Never Again. Wouldn't it be great if all the women in the world band together with a firm stance on this crap behavior? Take Care and be Strong Astelle

I wish it was a facade, unfortunately I have seen the pictures. He had a good time.

I would like to think at 1 1/2 years into a relationship a good guy would want me to come to Christmas.

Of course that is if we had a real relationship – at this point I should refer to it as a big Joke.

Some of the crap this guy pulled is unbelievable, but I accepted it. I take responsibilty for that. I do know I wont accept it again from any man.

A counselor once told me that I needed to get to a comfortable place within myself, secure enough to know without a shadow of a doubt that if something didn’t feel right by me and my standards, then it is not ok. It doesn’t matter if the world or any man disagrees with how I feel about it, because there my standards. I had standards when I started dating this AC/EUM, we all know how they get managed down. Never Again.

Wouldn’t it be great if all the women in the world band together with a firm stance on this crap behavior?

Take Care and be Strong

]]> By: Astelle http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/guest-post-if-you-have-to-wonder-if-your-man-is-going-to-spend-christmas-with-you-run/comment-page-1/#comment-251147 Astelle Fri, 18 Dec 2009 04:07:35 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/guest-post-if-you-have-to-wonder-if-your-man-is-going-to-spend-christmas-with-you-run/#comment-251147 Trish, wonderful post, very well written and I sooooo know how you felt at that time. I am just wondering if he really spent christmas with his children, the ex-wife and her family and ex-girlfriend, did he?? Maybe just a facade he put up for you? See, I am a good guy,I spent the holidays with my family - maybe he really doesn't like holidays. Ugh, be glad he is gone and have a very Merry Christmas!! Trish, wonderful post, very well written and I sooooo know how you felt at that time. I am just wondering if he really spent christmas with his children, the ex-wife and her family and ex-girlfriend, did he?? Maybe just a facade he put up for you? See, I am a good guy,I spent the holidays with my family – maybe he really doesn’t like holidays. Ugh, be glad he is gone and have a very Merry Christmas!!

]]> By: Trish http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/guest-post-if-you-have-to-wonder-if-your-man-is-going-to-spend-christmas-with-you-run/comment-page-1/#comment-251145 Trish Fri, 18 Dec 2009 00:31:00 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/guest-post-if-you-have-to-wonder-if-your-man-is-going-to-spend-christmas-with-you-run/#comment-251145 It's amazing the strength we can draw off of each others life stories. Thanks for sharing. I have spent many hours reading posts and comments, especially when I need a quick dose of reality. I remember when we first split up - I was so so sad, devastated actually. I had horrible days. Then occasionally a good day would creep in. Bad out weighing the good by far - I am happy to say stay strong, the good are starting to smother the bad.. We all deserve to be treated with respect. Of course you all know that starts within. I think the key is the moment you become aware of the level you have allowed yourself to be disrespected is so important to regaining your personal power. I think back to when I was so disappointed in "ME" for allowing this A hole to destroy me. I sold myself out, for an Ass... Ick!!! I carry a deep belief that women were made as a gift, a companion, a partner, a lover, a friend.... I could go on, but the reality is in this world, we as women allow ourselves to be treated like crap. I have to admit that sometimes I saw it and chose to not deal with it and sometimes I didn't see it coming. Eitherway the end result was the same. Ladies I wish you all the best this year! Trish It’s amazing the strength we can draw off of each others life stories. Thanks for sharing. I have spent many hours reading posts and comments, especially when I need a quick dose of reality.

I remember when we first split up – I was so so sad, devastated actually. I had horrible days. Then occasionally a good day would creep in. Bad out weighing the good by far – I am happy to say stay strong, the good are starting to smother the bad.. We all deserve to be treated with respect.

Of course you all know that starts within. I think the key is the moment you become aware of the level you have allowed yourself to be disrespected is so important to regaining your personal power.

I think back to when I was so disappointed in “ME” for allowing this A hole to destroy me. I sold myself out, for an Ass… Ick!!!

I carry a deep belief that women were made as a gift, a companion, a partner, a lover, a friend…. I could go on, but the reality is in this world, we as women allow ourselves to be treated like crap. I have to admit that sometimes I saw it and chose to not deal with it and sometimes I didn’t see it coming. Eitherway the end result was the same.

Ladies I wish you all the best this year!

Trish

]]> By: jenny http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/guest-post-if-you-have-to-wonder-if-your-man-is-going-to-spend-christmas-with-you-run/comment-page-1/#comment-251143 jenny Thu, 17 Dec 2009 23:56:44 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/guest-post-if-you-have-to-wonder-if-your-man-is-going-to-spend-christmas-with-you-run/#comment-251143 Thank you, Trish. I, too, can relate to the holiday horror, but may I add that you are a gifted writer? Thank you, Trish. I, too, can relate to the holiday horror, but may I add that you are a gifted writer?

]]> By: MaryC http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/guest-post-if-you-have-to-wonder-if-your-man-is-going-to-spend-christmas-with-you-run/comment-page-1/#comment-251142 MaryC Thu, 17 Dec 2009 23:33:57 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/guest-post-if-you-have-to-wonder-if-your-man-is-going-to-spend-christmas-with-you-run/#comment-251142 Hopefully we all our teaching our daughters about EUM's and AC's and our sons how not to be like that. Best Christmas present we could give to them. Hopefully we all our teaching our daughters about EUM’s and AC’s and our sons how not to be like that. Best Christmas present we could give to them.

]]> By: Gayle http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/guest-post-if-you-have-to-wonder-if-your-man-is-going-to-spend-christmas-with-you-run/comment-page-1/#comment-251140 Gayle Thu, 17 Dec 2009 22:00:03 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/guest-post-if-you-have-to-wonder-if-your-man-is-going-to-spend-christmas-with-you-run/#comment-251140 Diane, Why keeps you connected to this man? Why does he provide for you? Diane,

Why keeps you connected to this man? Why does he provide for you?

]]> By: Pushing.Thru http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/guest-post-if-you-have-to-wonder-if-your-man-is-going-to-spend-christmas-with-you-run/comment-page-1/#comment-251139 Pushing.Thru Thu, 17 Dec 2009 21:27:37 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/guest-post-if-you-have-to-wonder-if-your-man-is-going-to-spend-christmas-with-you-run/#comment-251139 Trish - what a heart wrenching experience... I'm sorry you went through something so devastating, however i'm happy to hear that you are in better place this Christmas season. Thank you for sharing this with us. NML - Thank you for posting this, reminds all of us to stay strong with No Contact during the holidays, which is difficult,..... oh God, very hard at Christmas and New Years... especially after a few drinks. I shared a similar experience where my self -esteem took a beating, on my birthday... What a sad sad thing to hope that he will make contact on the day I was born. Nevermind, a gift or a dinner for my special day. Well he didn't, and I messaged him to say hello, and jokingly said "Happy Birthday" to HIM... pretending to sound playful, but inside feeling worthless. He responded - "My birthday was 2 weeks ago, but thanks" Not remembering that i had mentioned about 15 x that my birthday is on Sept. 11, fell on his favorite number, and let's face it,.... a date no one would ever forget. I replied "LOL... it's my birthday today! Hello!! Remember!?" Trying to keep it light, and not to come off pushy/needy. This year i'm sure i'll receive a "heart-felt" (pffff) message from him on Christmas.... and i will no way in hell respond. Christmas is a time to give.... this Christmas i'm giving some love to myself. Happy Holidays to you and your girls Gayle... and to you Natalie and your family! Keep the posts coming, God Bless Trish – what a heart wrenching experience… I’m sorry you went through something so devastating, however i’m happy to hear that you are in better place this Christmas season. Thank you for sharing this with us.

NML – Thank you for posting this, reminds all of us to stay strong with No Contact during the holidays, which is difficult,….. oh God, very hard at Christmas and New Years… especially after a few drinks.

I shared a similar experience where my self -esteem took a beating, on my birthday… What a sad sad thing to hope that he will make contact on the day I was born. Nevermind, a gift or a dinner for my special day.
Well he didn’t, and I messaged him to say hello, and jokingly said “Happy Birthday” to HIM… pretending to sound playful, but inside feeling worthless.
He responded – “My birthday was 2 weeks ago, but thanks”
Not remembering that i had mentioned about 15 x that my birthday is on Sept. 11, fell on his favorite number, and let’s face it,…. a date no one would ever forget.
I replied “LOL… it’s my birthday today! Hello!! Remember!?” Trying to keep it light, and not to come off pushy/needy.

This year i’m sure i’ll receive a “heart-felt” (pffff) message from him on Christmas…. and i will no way in hell respond.

Christmas is a time to give…. this Christmas i’m giving some love to myself.

Happy Holidays to you and your girls Gayle… and to you Natalie and your family! Keep the posts coming, God Bless

]]> By: gina http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/guest-post-if-you-have-to-wonder-if-your-man-is-going-to-spend-christmas-with-you-run/comment-page-1/#comment-251138 gina Thu, 17 Dec 2009 21:20:55 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/guest-post-if-you-have-to-wonder-if-your-man-is-going-to-spend-christmas-with-you-run/#comment-251138 Well Trish you are taking the first step in opening your eyes and demanding to be treated like you deserve - the best gift for Christmas you could ever give to yourself and children. Well Trish you are taking the first step in opening your eyes and demanding to be treated like you deserve – the best gift for Christmas you could ever give to yourself and children.

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