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Lisa Q writes…
Last week, NML posted an article detailing how we become drama seekers in the first place. Maybe we had an emotionally distant father, suffered from second best syndrome, or were raised by a Drama Seeker. I have to tell you, she scared the living crap out of me! I felt as if I was looking in a mirror. All three of these things conspired to create the drama seeker I became. Worse yet, I didn’t even realize it for a very long time.
But here’s the thing. Just because the stork dropped you into the middle of a time bomb waiting to happen, that does not mean you can’t break the pattern. So you’ve spent most of your life seeking drama. So you thrive on it. So the roller coaster ride gives you a thrill you think you need. So freaking what!
I mean really, how the hell is that working for you? Happy? Fabulous relationships? All kinds of emotionally available men lining up at your door? Yeah, I didn’t think so. Take a lesson from Mary J. Blige and just say No More Drama! I know. Easier said than done. Or maybe not.
Lucky for you, you have found Lisaq’s 4-step program to becoming drama free.
Step 1: Recognize you have a problem.
I mean really isn’t that what addicts have to do? Alcoholics have to move beyond denial and recognize that they are addicted to alcohol. Drug addicts, sex addicts, food addicts, and on and on. Well, guess what kids? You are addicted to drama. And to beat that addiction you have to realize you have a problem. Repeat after me. “I, insert your name here, am addicted to drama.”
Step 2: Don’t let the past rule the future.
Okay, so your dad sat in the chair reading his newspaper while your narcissistic, drama seeking mama wrecked havoc on your childhood. Result: Drama Seeker suffering second best syndrome. Yep, you got dealt a crappy hand. Uh huh, life isn’t fair. You can’t just sit around attracting drama and assclowns moaning about the fact that your parents screwed up a perfectly good childhood. You have to find a way to make peace with, get over it and get on with the rest of your life.
Step 3: Take responsibility.
We’ve already acknowledged the fact that we are a product of our childhoods, but what now? Just exactly how do we go about making peace with it? Like everything else, this begins with you. Even if your parents weren’t parents of the year, you are still responsible for how you reacted to the madness that was your childhood. You are responsible for how you reacted to the assclowns you’ve attracted in your life. YOU!
At some point, you made a decision to react the way you did. Consciously or unconsciously you made a choice. You established patterns of behavior that have led you right down the road to nowhere…fast. The only way to get past it is to begin to take responsibility for reacting as you did. Take a good, hard look in the mirror and say, “I accept responsibility for reacting as I did to the drama ridden life I led. Given the tools I had, it was all I knew to do. But now I know better. Now I know I can break the drama cycle.”
Step 4: Love you!
Okay, you’ve taken responsibility for your past and now you feel like crap. The burden of the world feels as if it’s resting on squarely on your shoulders. But you know what? The past is just that…the past. What you have to do now is love yourself, not in spite of your past, but because of it. All of the experiences from your childhood to the assclowns you’ve been involved with, have made you who you are today. Without them you wouldn’t be that strong, beautiful, fabulous woman looking back at you in the mirror. I mean think about it a minute. Aren’t you just one big ball of fabulousness? Hell yes you are!
Take the time to reflect on all of the wonderful things in your life, all of your accomplishments. Make a list. Stick it on the mirror. Read it every single day. Take the time to fall in love with yourself. When you do, I promise you’ll realize that you deserve much more than drama filled moments with assclowns. And then, you’ll attract the love, the life, and the relationship you want and deserve.
Your thoughts?
Lisa Q is author of the fabulous 40s Singleness blog where she’s cleaning out those assclowns and douchebags like there’s no tomorrow!
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Catch up on posts in the 30 Days of Drama Reduction series.
If you are a Drama Seeker, you should be reading NML’s ebook Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl. Find out more and buy and download.
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Great post!
You are right, it is an addiction, just like smoking or drinking, you never thought when you took that first sip/puff that years later you would still be doing it. Excessively, in some cases.
But, like smoking or drinking, we know the effects and to continue to do so with that knowledge is 100% choice.
And YOU are a big ball of fabulous…(and yes, so am I, somedays…most days…occasionally?)
Yes very empowering! I just don’t do drama anymore and I feel better for it. My ma is a TOTAL drama queen and wanted to start up a whole drama showdown with me this past weekend, and I was just like “I’m not doing this. I’m not going to get drawn into this. See ya!” and I was off the phone. I could feel my blood boiling and this was how I used to be with guys and I can’t be arsed to let drama steal my wind. Lisa, as always, you rock! and thanks for a great post!
What a fantastic post! I’ve been loving everything on this blog ever since I discovered it around a year ago and this post demonstrates the power that shared experience has to make us all look at ourselves, deal with the bits that bring us down and move towards becoming the big balls of fabulousness that deep down know we know we are! Thanks for a great start to the day and words that will take many women another step further forwards in their lives!
Yep, cheekie. Some highly addictive crap. Thank goodness we DO have a choice. And oh yes, you are most definitely a big ball o’ fabulousness girl!
Me neither NML. No more drama for me. And that whole drama mama thing. Ugh! I so hear that! Can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to end a conversation with mine.
Thanks so much Rosy Posy! It’s the power of synergy. Together we can all help each other to find our very own ball o’ fabulousness!
Wow, you pretty much summed up my life! I’m at step 4 now, and it can be a daily struggle. I think it’s truly important to keep reminding ourselves we are fabulous and we do deserve a drama free relationship.
It is sooooo important Craze! Congrats on reaching step 4. You are fabulous!
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