Welcome back! Have you got my ebooks - The No Contact Rule and Mr Unavailable & The Fallback Girl? Also become a fan of Baggage Reclaim on Facebook, follow me onTwitter, and join the forum.
Wishing you all a fabulous 2008!
I’m not big on new years resolutions but I do think that the new year represents an opportunity for growth and change. Psychologically you can relegate someone, a dubious relationship, or an issue you’ve been struggling to let go of, to last year. New years tend to bring the promise of change and in many respects it feels like a clean slate. It’s good to have an idea of what you would like to achieve, whether that’s short, medium, or long term goals. I find that even if you don’t look at them again for ages, it kicks your bum into gear because it puts things into perspective. When I examined my own goals whether they were about work, family, relationships, I found that in some areas I was doing things that were in contradiction to what I professed to want.
“If I really want a relationship, to settle down, and have babies at some point, why do I keep going out with emotionally unavailable assclowns? Why do I keep going out with men with sh*tloads of baggage? Why do they always have ex girlfriend issues? Why are all of my relationships dysfuntional?”
If you do anything this year, do the following:
Examine yourself (I don’t mean physically although that’s good for other reasons) and ask yourself whether there are things that you could be doing to improve your relationships and whether there is anything lurking that 1) affects your self esteem negatively or 2) affects your relationships. If there is, make a concerted effort to deal with them.
Spend quality time alone. I may be with my boyfriend and baby but I still need my me time and I don’t feel that I have to be around my boyfriend 24/7. Develop a comfort zone for being alone, particularly if you’re single because if you’re scared of being ‘alone’ and feel lonely from the moment you’re single, you will make relationship decisions or impact negatively on a relationship when you’re in one.
Ditch the Married Man or The Guy With The Girlfriend. We use ultimatums and deadlines to prolong the agony and to stall a decision. What are we waiting for? Whatever it is, deep down you know that if he’s still with her then you could be in for a very long wait.
Live the life you want to live, not the one that you’re living in between because you’re too scared to take a chance or put someone out of your life that doesn’t deserve your attention.
Learn to say ‘No!’ You don’t need to go overboard but saying no is not a bad thing. It creates boundaries and you get to feel good about yourself instead of p*ssed off that yet again your good nature is being taken advantage of. Stop saying ‘Yes!’ to things that you’ve been too afraid to say no to. People around you will have to adapt and stop taking you for granted.
Remember that sex confuses things and that it won’t do any harm if you wait just that liiiiiiiittttle bit longer. Then you can get to avoid The Justifying Zone, that place we all find ourselves when we continue to date the guy because we need to validate our reason for sleeping with him, even if deep down we know that he’s unsuitable.
Get happy before you get him. In fact, get happy so that you get to live your life consciously instead of reacting or coasting. A happy you leads to a more positive life leads to more positive decisions leads to more positive relationships. Negativity does tend to yield negativity so look for ways to deal with the demons within and move forward.
Back soon,
NML x
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