Comments on: Having An Honest Conversation with Yourself for Better Relationships http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/having-an-honest-conversation-with-yourself-for-better-relationships/ Self Esteem|Dating|Relationships|Emotional Unavailability|Commitment| Sat, 11 Feb 2012 20:27:34 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Natalie http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/having-an-honest-conversation-with-yourself-for-better-relationships/comment-page-1/#comment-256805 Natalie Thu, 08 Apr 2010 17:23:44 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/having-an-honest-conversation-with-yourself-for-better-relationships/#comment-256805 Wow, I am so grateful I found this website.. After my last bout with a Mr. Unavailable the penny finally dropped and I was able to see MYSELF as the common denominator. It took me two months of pain, denial and hope that he would change his mind, but after reading the articles on this site I got the strength to cut contact, returned whatever belongings he had and have not contacted him since! He lives across the street from me and honestly, I can actually say that I don't care, don't want him and don't EVER want to repeat the same insanity with anyone. I am 40 years old and I am finally DONE! I am now committed to working on my self-esteem and being authentic and honest in my romantic relationships. I am practicing in my close friendships and have started dating again and am currently practicing being authentic and setting boundaries, which I've realized that I have had little experience with. I'm catching on fast though! I love reading how everyone else is also committed to loving themselves....we ALL deserve so much more than we have been settling for! Wow, I am so grateful I found this website..

After my last bout with a Mr. Unavailable the penny finally dropped and I was able to see MYSELF as the common denominator. It took me two months of pain, denial and hope that he would change his mind, but after reading the articles on this site I got the strength to cut contact, returned whatever belongings he had and have not contacted him since! He lives across the street from me and honestly, I can actually say that I don’t care, don’t want him and don’t EVER want to repeat the same insanity with anyone. I am 40 years old and I am finally DONE!

I am now committed to working on my self-esteem and being authentic and honest in my romantic relationships. I am practicing in my close friendships and have started dating again and am currently practicing being authentic and setting boundaries, which I’ve realized that I have had little experience with. I’m catching on fast though!

I love reading how everyone else is also committed to loving themselves….we ALL deserve so much more than we have been settling for!

]]> By: LadyBird http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/having-an-honest-conversation-with-yourself-for-better-relationships/comment-page-1/#comment-256388 LadyBird Mon, 05 Apr 2010 06:45:26 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/having-an-honest-conversation-with-yourself-for-better-relationships/#comment-256388 Thanks for the insight NML. I have definitely been working at this. Thanks to the NC rule i was able to gain clarity in a situation that I knew from the gate was not healthy for me, but convinced myself that i was not as emotionally involved as I really was. I am now able to take a few steps back from the situation, and I am constantly askng myself how I truly feel about it, and what I want. Thats a BIG thing for me. Much like Gina I have had to learn how to build any type of relationship. Because of this I second guess myself, and take more blame then I should in situations. But I am working on that. I am determined to find build healthy relationships. I have learned to have that honest convo with myself to make sure that I stay true to myself. We are a work in progress. Thanks for the insight NML.
I have definitely been working at this. Thanks to the NC rule i was able to gain clarity in a situation that I knew from the gate was not healthy for me, but convinced myself that i was not as emotionally involved as I really was. I am now able to take a few steps back from the situation, and I am constantly askng myself how I truly feel about it, and what I want. Thats a BIG thing for me. Much like Gina I have had to learn how to build any type of relationship. Because of this I second guess myself, and take more blame then I should in situations. But I am working on that. I am determined to find build healthy relationships. I have learned to have that honest convo with myself to make sure that I stay true to myself. We are a work in progress.

]]> By: Ramona http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/having-an-honest-conversation-with-yourself-for-better-relationships/comment-page-1/#comment-254216 Ramona Tue, 16 Mar 2010 19:52:06 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/having-an-honest-conversation-with-yourself-for-better-relationships/#comment-254216 Hi NML, RES, Sherry and KG - Again, thanks for your comments on my EUM not returning my things. It has now been over a month since I requested them and I am having trouble. Tell me how to forget this please. I actually had 2 dates with a new man that seems normal. I am looking over my shoulder constantly wondering where, when and how this AC is going to try and use my things to contact me somehow. I will not ask for my things again but I am not functioning well. A bit of history - hot and cold, asked me if i would marry him within the year (2009), texting most of the relationship (albeit nice and loving texts as well as cold ones), physically hot then not. Good in bed then terrible in bed. Moved in with me and claimed he didn't remember being so happy, then distant, then loving, distant, loving, he even told me after he moved out (1 week before Christmas) "you probably don't believe me but I love you" (via text)....i could go on as this was the way it was for a year. I just want to be prepared but I am so freakin nervous about it mostly all the time. Please tell me your thoughts on how to get past this. Thanks so much. BTW - 3 months of NC - only the email I sent asking for my things 1 month ago. Hi NML, RES, Sherry and KG –
Again, thanks for your comments on my EUM not returning my things. It has now been over a month since I requested them and I am having trouble. Tell me how to forget this please. I actually had 2 dates with a new man that seems normal. I am looking over my shoulder constantly wondering where, when and how this AC is going to try and use my things to contact me somehow. I will not ask for my things again but I am not functioning well. A bit of history – hot and cold, asked me if i would marry him within the year (2009), texting most of the relationship (albeit nice and loving texts as well as cold ones), physically hot then not. Good in bed then terrible in bed. Moved in with me and claimed he didn’t remember being so happy, then distant, then loving, distant, loving, he even told me after he moved out (1 week before Christmas) “you probably don’t believe me but I love you” (via text)….i could go on as this was the way it was for a year. I just want to be prepared but I am so freakin nervous about it mostly all the time. Please tell me your thoughts on how to get past this.
Thanks so much.
BTW – 3 months of NC – only the email I sent asking for my things 1 month ago.

]]> By: thanksgoditisover http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/having-an-honest-conversation-with-yourself-for-better-relationships/comment-page-1/#comment-252970 thanksgoditisover Fri, 26 Feb 2010 15:12:36 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/having-an-honest-conversation-with-yourself-for-better-relationships/#comment-252970 Thank you NML for encouragement. It all lasted for 4 years and I have been reflecting on this relationship for the last several months now. Through that and this web, I keep discovering and learning more and more new things about me, my own issues, reasons behind my failed relationship, my childhood and I can see red flags that I didn`t see then. It is quite a painful process, especially learning about myself and realising what I actually want from a man and a relationship (that`s the scariest bit). His EUM behaviour didn`t reach the real level at the beginning as he was going through a very long hot phase and I wrongly thought at that time that no one is perfect and that I could handle that and if it got any worse, I would be smart enough to see it and wouldn`t let it suck me in. It is maybe fair to mention that there were also other circumstances that were not favourable to this relationship from the very start as we were not from the same country, met during my EUMs couple months assignment after which he took his redundancy and we had to resort to a long-distance relationship and struggle for survival during which he tried to requalify and I decided to relocate to his country on my own and establish myself there. Although workwise and careerwise everything worked out more than well for each of us in the end, the relationship failed. Despite all the pain and hurt I got from this relationship, I also got some positive things. It is exactly as you say. I know today that I wasn`t ready for any healthy relationship at that time and no "normal" available man would even come near me at that time. And if he did, I wouldn`t have been interested anyway. I know today that I needed this very hot blowing EUM to help me move forward and in his very hot phase he was actually able to penetrate my own EU and let me experience feelings that I thought I wasn`t able to feel and showed me the world from a different perspective. I definitely carried a lot of baggage from my previous disappointment years before and I suppose that only EUM could get under the crust of this. The hot phase felt like a nice hot bath and despite the long cold shower afterwards, I think it was beneficial for my own emotional development. Not sure I am ready to have or even that I am ready to want a healthy relationship now (to be truly honest to myself) but I have definitely moved much further away from where I was before. I am not throwing myself desperately at guys and I never did so. I am now working on being happily single again and working on what I really want from life in general. Thank you NML for encouragement. It all lasted for 4 years and I have been reflecting on this relationship for the last several months now. Through that and this web, I keep discovering and learning more and more new things about me, my own issues, reasons behind my failed relationship, my childhood and I can see red flags that I didn`t see then. It is quite a painful process, especially learning about myself and realising what I actually want from a man and a relationship (that`s the scariest bit).

His EUM behaviour didn`t reach the real level at the beginning as he was going through a very long hot phase and I wrongly thought at that time that no one is perfect and that I could handle that and if it got any worse, I would be smart enough to see it and wouldn`t let it suck me in. It is maybe fair to mention that there were also other circumstances that were not favourable to this relationship from the very start as we were not from the same country, met during my EUMs couple months assignment after which he took his redundancy and we had to resort to a long-distance relationship and struggle for survival during which he tried to requalify and I decided to relocate to his country on my own and establish myself there. Although workwise and careerwise everything worked out more than well for each of us in the end, the relationship failed.

Despite all the pain and hurt I got from this relationship, I also got some positive things. It is exactly as you say. I know today that I wasn`t ready for any healthy relationship at that time and no “normal” available man would even come near me at that time. And if he did, I wouldn`t have been interested anyway. I know today that I needed this very hot blowing EUM to help me move forward and in his very hot phase he was actually able to penetrate my own EU and let me experience feelings that I thought I wasn`t able to feel and showed me the world from a different perspective.

I definitely carried a lot of baggage from my previous disappointment years before and I suppose that only EUM could get under the crust of this. The hot phase felt like a nice hot bath and despite the long cold shower afterwards, I think it was beneficial for my own emotional development. Not sure I am ready to have or even that I am ready to want a healthy relationship now (to be truly honest to myself) but I have definitely moved much further away from where I was before. I am not throwing myself desperately at guys and I never did so. I am now working on being happily single again and working on what I really want from life in general.

]]> By: trinity http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/having-an-honest-conversation-with-yourself-for-better-relationships/comment-page-1/#comment-252942 trinity Thu, 25 Feb 2010 22:21:39 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/having-an-honest-conversation-with-yourself-for-better-relationships/#comment-252942 @ NML, thank you :) I know your right, its a fine line between making sure you do allow yourself to grieve and feel everything, including the uncomfortable stuff and getting lost in it. Your right i could feel it spiralling and making me start to think unrealistic thoughts, like reaching out which is actually the last thing i want to do. Im starting to pull myself out of it. Hopefully if it happens next time i wont be so hard on myself :) Im also going to remind myself that each time this happens and i get through it, im a little wiser, learnt a little more, illusions dropped a little more and ive let go of him a little more. So that pain is worth it :) Going to read my NCR book tonight as a reminder. Take care NML :) @ NML, thank you :)
I know your right, its a fine line between making sure you do allow yourself to grieve and feel everything, including the uncomfortable stuff and getting lost in it. Your right i could feel it spiralling and making me start to think unrealistic thoughts, like reaching out which is actually the last thing i want to do. Im starting to pull myself out of it. Hopefully if it happens next time i wont be so hard on myself :) Im also going to remind myself that each time this happens and i get through it, im a little wiser, learnt a little more, illusions dropped a little more and ive let go of him a little more. So that pain is worth it :) Going to read my NCR book tonight as a reminder. Take care NML :)

]]> By: trinity http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/having-an-honest-conversation-with-yourself-for-better-relationships/comment-page-1/#comment-252940 trinity Thu, 25 Feb 2010 22:04:49 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/having-an-honest-conversation-with-yourself-for-better-relationships/#comment-252940 @ Moving on in 2010, thank you :) We both seem to be going through the same things a lot!!! I have a bad habit of being soft on others but hard on myself. I need to be kinder to myself and allow myself just to grieve or feel blue if I need to but as everyone has stated not to allow it to take over. It can be a fine line between making sure you do get your feelings out, including the hard painful ones and not hiding from the pain but also not allowing it to take over. I’m slowly starting to feel better. I’ve realised each time this happens I learn something new about myself or have another realisation about him, the relationship and seeing it for what it really was. Maybe these feelings come each time you let go, just that little bit more and the illusion continues to drop? I have to remember even when im blue how much ive accomplished learned, grown and how far ive come. It’s interesting to hear that even though your AC has moved away from work that it’s still just as painful or hard. Maybe I need to stop focussing on the fact that we work together, even though it is hard, maybe im putting to much power into it and focussing on it to much? Thank you for sharing and take care :) XXXX PS i think ill get my NC rule book out again this weekend, give myself a little reminder :) @ Moving on in 2010, thank you :) We both seem to be going through the same things a lot!!! I have a bad habit of being soft on others but hard on myself. I need to be kinder to myself and allow myself just to grieve or feel blue if I need to but as everyone has stated not to allow it to take over. It can be a fine line between making sure you do get your feelings out, including the hard painful ones and not hiding from the pain but also not allowing it to take over. I’m slowly starting to feel better. I’ve realised each time this happens I learn something new about myself or have another realisation about him, the relationship and seeing it for what it really was. Maybe these feelings come each time you let go, just that little bit more and the illusion continues to drop? I have to remember even when im blue how much ive accomplished learned, grown and how far ive come. It’s interesting to hear that even though your AC has moved away from work that it’s still just as painful or hard. Maybe I need to stop focussing on the fact that we work together, even though it is hard, maybe im putting to much power into it and focussing on it to much? Thank you for sharing and take care :) XXXX PS i think ill get my NC rule book out again this weekend, give myself a little reminder :)

]]> By: Gina http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/having-an-honest-conversation-with-yourself-for-better-relationships/comment-page-1/#comment-252935 Gina Thu, 25 Feb 2010 20:20:30 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/having-an-honest-conversation-with-yourself-for-better-relationships/#comment-252935 This was great timing for this post. Just last night I was going over the years of what has happened in my life and what lead me to this place. Just a few days ago I ended a short term 2 month dating extravaganza but what makes me sad is that I knew this wasn't good from the beginning. He would constantly message me on facebook (he was part of my national guard unit) but to the point where it wasn't normal, it bordered on stalking. The benefit I got from it was that I know the "anxiety and immediate bad feeling gut reaction" is a warning sign and to stop trying to make sense of it! (and of course we as woman know this) Whenever I started dating a guy, my warning would go off when a friend would ask me how it is going, I would try to pretend "oh it's good" but my feelings were telling me a whole different story. Why is it so hard to let go? I realized that, from the get-go from being abused and neglected by both my parents interpersonal relationships were a struggle for me with both men and woman, especially men. A quick way to get aquainted would be to get physical, but I would keep getting abandoned, feeling used and worthless which lead to more outlandish behavior. On the conscious level I have made steps to change my situation, moved out of my abusive home when I was 20 years old, was working a full time job, etc... yet all the subconscious feelings of fear were beneathe the surface which showed in ways of me acting out sexually, getting my self into debt, having unhealthy friendships and relationships, etc... until one day my whole world crashed down. I realized I had to remove the bad, unhealthy stuff out of my life and surrender. I ended up divorcing my father because he continuing abused me as an adult. I also went to therapy as well. I started searching for answers within myself and in the process actually came across this website a year or two ago. Just last night I thought about how this is a true journey towards self-discovery, while my upbringing may have sent me far off from who I wasn't, the only person responsible for finding myself is me. While I found myself with a voice in this past dating experience, it has shown me what I really do want and need. While he wasn't a true assclown, he was unavailable, caught up on his ex (by casually bringing her up, comparisons, etc on occassion) I seen his fear of abandonment by sending me texts sometimes "are you mad at me?"... when I didn't answer right away (which I see is sort of a form of control) and then the last straw when he was started to act like an asshole by asking me to come over to his house and I knew he wasn't playing fair and treating me like I was a convience store (I actually asked him on the phone "Do you think I'm a convience store, I don't think so!). I told him about my cousin passing away that day and he wasn't even supportive. Long story short, I ended it with him... something I knew I had to do for the longest time. Most of the time spent together was periods of me feeling anxious, uncomfortable and knew he wasn't right under the front. Not to mention I started recognizing abusive signs in him by insulting me disquised as jokes, leaving me at his friends house (was there no longer than a couple of minutes) when he ran off to the store with his friend and wife to pick something up, he had no consideration. I did bring this up and he goes "was that wrong?" I said yes! Then trying to order me around 'will you help me with this is a demanding tone' (almost expecting me to be right there helping him put his dogs jackets on!) I spoke out and said not to speak to me like that. In this situation I had to be there for myself. I had to realize that I can trust myself and that I know what's right for me and I don't need to let things get this far. What suprises me is I am independent and not one of those people who always needs to be in a relationship, I realized that I can get attached easily and need to find my passions in life. I enrolled in college for the first time and I'm excited. I realized in this situation I did speak out more than not, but after seeing him for who he truly was (not who I wanted or hoped for him to be) it was very clear that I had to dump him. I needed to get this out. Thanks for the post NML. This was great timing for this post. Just last night I was going over the years of what has happened in my life and what lead me to this place. Just a few days ago I ended a short term 2 month dating extravaganza but what makes me sad is that I knew this wasn’t good from the beginning. He would constantly message me on facebook (he was part of my national guard unit) but to the point where it wasn’t normal, it bordered on stalking. The benefit I got from it was that I know the “anxiety and immediate bad feeling gut reaction” is a warning sign and to stop trying to make sense of it! (and of course we as woman know this) Whenever I started dating a guy, my warning would go off when a friend would ask me how it is going, I would try to pretend “oh it’s good” but my feelings were telling me a whole different story. Why is it so hard to let go? I realized that, from the get-go from being abused and neglected by both my parents interpersonal relationships were a struggle for me with both men and woman, especially men. A quick way to get aquainted would be to get physical, but I would keep getting abandoned, feeling used and worthless which lead to more outlandish behavior. On the conscious level I have made steps to change my situation, moved out of my abusive home when I was 20 years old, was working a full time job, etc… yet all the subconscious feelings of fear were beneathe the surface which showed in ways of me acting out sexually, getting my self into debt, having unhealthy friendships and relationships, etc… until one day my whole world crashed down. I realized I had to remove the bad, unhealthy stuff out of my life and surrender. I ended up divorcing my father because he continuing abused me as an adult. I also went to therapy as well. I started searching for answers within myself and in the process actually came across this website a year or two ago. Just last night I thought about how this is a true journey towards self-discovery, while my upbringing may have sent me far off from who I wasn’t, the only person responsible for finding myself is me. While I found myself with a voice in this past dating experience, it has shown me what I really do want and need. While he wasn’t a true assclown, he was unavailable, caught up on his ex (by casually bringing her up, comparisons, etc on occassion) I seen his fear of abandonment by sending me texts sometimes “are you mad at me?”… when I didn’t answer right away (which I see is sort of a form of control) and then the last straw when he was started to act like an asshole by asking me to come over to his house and I knew he wasn’t playing fair and treating me like I was a convience store (I actually asked him on the phone “Do you think I’m a convience store, I don’t think so!). I told him about my cousin passing away that day and he wasn’t even supportive. Long story short, I ended it with him… something I knew I had to do for the longest time. Most of the time spent together was periods of me feeling anxious, uncomfortable and knew he wasn’t right under the front. Not to mention I started recognizing abusive signs in him by insulting me disquised as jokes, leaving me at his friends house (was there no longer than a couple of minutes) when he ran off to the store with his friend and wife to pick something up, he had no consideration. I did bring this up and he goes “was that wrong?” I said yes! Then trying to order me around ‘will you help me with this is a demanding tone’ (almost expecting me to be right there helping him put his dogs jackets on!) I spoke out and said not to speak to me like that. In this situation I had to be there for myself. I had to realize that I can trust myself and that I know what’s right for me and I don’t need to let things get this far. What suprises me is I am independent and not one of those people who always needs to be in a relationship, I realized that I can get attached easily and need to find my passions in life. I enrolled in college for the first time and I’m excited. I realized in this situation I did speak out more than not, but after seeing him for who he truly was (not who I wanted or hoped for him to be) it was very clear that I had to dump him. I needed to get this out. Thanks for the post NML.

]]> By: Betterwithouthim http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/having-an-honest-conversation-with-yourself-for-better-relationships/comment-page-1/#comment-252932 Betterwithouthim Thu, 25 Feb 2010 18:12:12 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/having-an-honest-conversation-with-yourself-for-better-relationships/#comment-252932 NML thank you - excellent post. I'm a completely changed person (woman) since I found your site and few others which helped me get to reality. That has been the key - live in reality, keep it real. I was so far in the pit of denial I really didn't know the extent. The clearer one's head is, the better you can see for yourself how you need to change, it's not always about the other person...like I used to believe. THis is great, I hope the newbees who visit your site and post will wake up sooner than I did and realize every day is a blessing and life is really worth living. You just have to believe for yourself, that it is. NML thank you – excellent post.
I’m a completely changed person (woman) since I found your site and few others which helped me get to reality.
That has been the key – live in reality, keep it real. I was so far in the pit of denial I really didn’t know the extent.
The clearer one’s head is, the better you can see for yourself how you need to change, it’s not always about the other person…like I used to believe.
THis is great, I hope the newbees who visit your site and post will wake up sooner than I did and realize every day is a blessing and life is really worth living. You just have to believe for yourself, that it is.

]]> By: Ramona http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/having-an-honest-conversation-with-yourself-for-better-relationships/comment-page-1/#comment-252923 Ramona Thu, 25 Feb 2010 16:09:56 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/having-an-honest-conversation-with-yourself-for-better-relationships/#comment-252923 Res, NML, Sherry and KG - Thank you. It is truly a miraculous thing to be able to even tell this stuff to people that understand and have experience. This is my 1st EUM situation. I have not contacted him but once to get the stuff he kept and that was 3 weeks ago. He responded but that is not worth even talking about. I will not contact him again. Ever. I am a bit jumpy always thinking he's going to show up somewhere unexpected or contact me. How do I get out of that mindset? I am really doing everything possible, therapy included. So awesome to have you all to talk with and gain perspective. Res, NML, Sherry and KG – Thank you. It is truly a miraculous thing to be able to even tell this stuff to people that understand and have experience. This is my 1st EUM situation. I have not contacted him but once to get the stuff he kept and that was 3 weeks ago. He responded but that is not worth even talking about. I will not contact him again. Ever. I am a bit jumpy always thinking he’s going to show up somewhere unexpected or contact me. How do I get out of that mindset? I am really doing everything possible, therapy included.
So awesome to have you all to talk with and gain perspective.

]]> By: Sue http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/having-an-honest-conversation-with-yourself-for-better-relationships/comment-page-1/#comment-252922 Sue Thu, 25 Feb 2010 15:52:30 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/having-an-honest-conversation-with-yourself-for-better-relationships/#comment-252922 Thanks for the insight and enlightenment. I am just coming to grips with the no contact rule. I realize I may have sent the last e-mail, but I didn't send further e-mails trying to figure out what was up with him. I realized that I didn't need to and that was so liberating. I didn't give him what he wanted, I didn't give in. I am moving on and realizing that I don't need that. I deserve better. I am feeling fine and taking care of me and mine. :) Thanks for the insight and enlightenment. I am just coming to grips with the no contact rule. I realize I may have sent the last e-mail, but I didn’t send further e-mails trying to figure out what was up with him. I realized that I didn’t need to and that was so liberating. I didn’t give him what he wanted, I didn’t give in. I am moving on and realizing that I don’t need that. I deserve better. I am feeling fine and taking care of me and mine. :)

]]> By: Anusha http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/having-an-honest-conversation-with-yourself-for-better-relationships/comment-page-1/#comment-252916 Anusha Thu, 25 Feb 2010 12:45:20 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/having-an-honest-conversation-with-yourself-for-better-relationships/#comment-252916 That will be nice,Im looking forward for that :) That will be nice,Im looking forward for that :)

]]> By: NML http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/having-an-honest-conversation-with-yourself-for-better-relationships/comment-page-1/#comment-252914 NML Thu, 25 Feb 2010 11:55:54 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/having-an-honest-conversation-with-yourself-for-better-relationships/#comment-252914 Hi Trinity, sorry to hear you are struggling. You're just going through a patch - like peaks and troughs. I wouldn't over analyse it - you're working stuff out of your system and getting over a relationship - this stuff hurts. Now you can ride on it and throw yourself at the mercy of being upset, or you can as has been already suggested, pick yourself back up. Don't wallow in pain and resign yourself to misery as you will get trapped in your own feelings and react - like a downward spiral. You're not going backwards - you're upset. Keep real and keep the faith. Hi Trinity, sorry to hear you are struggling. You’re just going through a patch – like peaks and troughs. I wouldn’t over analyse it – you’re working stuff out of your system and getting over a relationship – this stuff hurts. Now you can ride on it and throw yourself at the mercy of being upset, or you can as has been already suggested, pick yourself back up. Don’t wallow in pain and resign yourself to misery as you will get trapped in your own feelings and react – like a downward spiral. You’re not going backwards – you’re upset. Keep real and keep the faith.

]]> By: NML http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/having-an-honest-conversation-with-yourself-for-better-relationships/comment-page-1/#comment-252913 NML Thu, 25 Feb 2010 11:52:38 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/having-an-honest-conversation-with-yourself-for-better-relationships/#comment-252913 Thank you! It warms me to hear of your honesty and happiness. Stay honest and stay happy. That 'prince' is not coming, especially the version many of us have looked out for. Get real, be real, and you can have a real relationship. Love the line about the swan! x Thank you! It warms me to hear of your honesty and happiness. Stay honest and stay happy. That ‘prince’ is not coming, especially the version many of us have looked out for. Get real, be real, and you can have a real relationship. Love the line about the swan! x

]]> By: NML http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/having-an-honest-conversation-with-yourself-for-better-relationships/comment-page-1/#comment-252912 NML Thu, 25 Feb 2010 11:50:10 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/having-an-honest-conversation-with-yourself-for-better-relationships/#comment-252912 RES you as always make very wise points. Ramona, this guy is using your stuff as an opening in the future. You have to look at the wider picture - you are not the only person he has been involved with and he has a pattern of doing things. It doesn't take a brain surgeon to work out that if you hold onto something that belongs to someone else, they are likely to ask for it. For these guys, contact is contact, attention is attention. It doesn't matter if you call him a piece of crap - they think any form of attention from you is a sign that you want them and still care. You want him to contact you so that you can feel validated and less rejected by his behaviour. If he does contact you, you may feel these things briefly...and then feel worse. You don't need to 'say' anything - communication is as much what you don't say and do, as much as what you do. He is using what he thinks he can assume about you based on you giving him the time of day and being involved with him in the first place. You want to make a point? Like RES said, stop contacting him, stop engaging in the drama over this stuff and step back. Right now, everything you do is what he expects you to do. Right now you need to get on with your own life. If you don't want him, your stuff can wait. When you're over him, if you still want the stuff, you can get it from him and not give a sh*t. .-= NML´s last blog ..<a href="http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BaggageReclaim-TheGuideToSingleLivingDatingRelationshipsAndOfCourseManTaming/~3/RRZL95O1xso/" rel="nofollow">Last Chance: Bundle Offer for Mr Unavailable & The Fallback Girl & The No Contact Rule ebooks</a> =-. RES you as always make very wise points.
Ramona, this guy is using your stuff as an opening in the future. You have to look at the wider picture – you are not the only person he has been involved with and he has a pattern of doing things. It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to work out that if you hold onto something that belongs to someone else, they are likely to ask for it. For these guys, contact is contact, attention is attention. It doesn’t matter if you call him a piece of crap – they think any form of attention from you is a sign that you want them and still care. You want him to contact you so that you can feel validated and less rejected by his behaviour. If he does contact you, you may feel these things briefly…and then feel worse. You don’t need to ‘say’ anything – communication is as much what you don’t say and do, as much as what you do. He is using what he thinks he can assume about you based on you giving him the time of day and being involved with him in the first place. You want to make a point? Like RES said, stop contacting him, stop engaging in the drama over this stuff and step back. Right now, everything you do is what he expects you to do. Right now you need to get on with your own life. If you don’t want him, your stuff can wait. When you’re over him, if you still want the stuff, you can get it from him and not give a sh*t.
.-= NML´s last blog ..Last Chance: Bundle Offer for Mr Unavailable & The Fallback Girl & The No Contact Rule ebooks =-.

]]> By: NML http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/having-an-honest-conversation-with-yourself-for-better-relationships/comment-page-1/#comment-252911 NML Thu, 25 Feb 2010 11:42:34 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/having-an-honest-conversation-with-yourself-for-better-relationships/#comment-252911 Sherry you make a lot of valid points. As humans, we love to compartmentalise relationships as if a very different set of rules apply. However boundaries and values are alive and well no matter what type of relationship it is - family, friends, colleagues, romantic etc. Many Baggage Reclaim readers accept levels of disrespect from romantic partners that they wouldn't dream of if it were someone else. Here's the thing - applying these such radically different sets of rules and making allowances and having no boundaries isn't working. We need to live consistent with our values and that should resonate throughout your life. It's no wonder so many people are out of sync abandoning boundaries to get people to love them - it's not working. .-= NML´s last blog ..<a href="http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BaggageReclaim-TheGuideToSingleLivingDatingRelationshipsAndOfCourseManTaming/~3/RRZL95O1xso/" rel="nofollow">Last Chance: Bundle Offer for Mr Unavailable & The Fallback Girl & The No Contact Rule ebooks</a> =-. Sherry you make a lot of valid points. As humans, we love to compartmentalise relationships as if a very different set of rules apply. However boundaries and values are alive and well no matter what type of relationship it is – family, friends, colleagues, romantic etc. Many Baggage Reclaim readers accept levels of disrespect from romantic partners that they wouldn’t dream of if it were someone else. Here’s the thing – applying these such radically different sets of rules and making allowances and having no boundaries isn’t working. We need to live consistent with our values and that should resonate throughout your life. It’s no wonder so many people are out of sync abandoning boundaries to get people to love them – it’s not working.
.-= NML´s last blog ..Last Chance: Bundle Offer for Mr Unavailable & The Fallback Girl & The No Contact Rule ebooks =-.

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