It’s as if you knew that my “issue” had moved on before I did. It was around March when he actually must have made his final decision between the new woman and myself.

No…they do not have to say a thing for it to be over. Mine didn’t even blink about leaving me hanging on false hope. I think he just didn’t think it meant anything…he is not concerned with my feelings as long as he is happy with himself and his new found love. I just wish I’d have known before all the emails and IM’s were ignored and I was left to figure it out on my own.

your not writing ok then this was this the last time you hear anything from me you will probably nether find out what happened here but you dont have to know
i hope you send me the blanket, the other stuff you can keep if you want to
but i really dont believe that you do anything
ok then I wish you luck in your life and you also don’t need to think that my feelings for you have changed
okay then goodbye

What? I mean…the reason I finally cut off all contact was because for two weeks he stopped writing or emailing me all of a sudden and I thought something happened to him. A week of no contact from him and I tried calling and he shut off his phone. I got really suspicious and finally checked his online account where he always is on and sure enough, he’d been messaging with other girls. This is all after over 2 years of being/living together, the last 5 months long distance and him saying he ‘needed’ me, I was the ‘number one’ person in his life and he wanted to have kids with me/get married.

He gave some half-ass excuses that I didn’t respond to and now this email.

And to be honest, even though I just bought the Fallback Girl/Mr. Unavailable book yesterday, I started to wonder what happened to him. What the big ‘secret’ was and was he really still in love with me?

God no. He’s in love with himself. If there was some big event, if I was so important to him he would have already explained it to me and not have cut off contact without explaination, went out with other girls, and shut off his phone when I was sick with worry and calling him.

Girls, never trust a guy who tempts you with unknown information to provoke you to ask what’s going on. If it was so important and he wanted you to know, he would say it right out…WITHOUT the games and manipulation to see what he can still get away with. Draw the line, and don’t ever let him cross it again.

Have you looked into CODA for co-dependency ?

This is frightening!! Listen to Amy and Brad and get out now!!!

I am sorry. I am sorry that you suffer from doubt, that you suffer from not having a safe place to come home to, that you suffer from not having a trusted and respected friend to help you see yourself clearly.

I know you are leaving a lot out of your letter. You mention “punching bag” but only admit to his verbal disrespect.

I agree with amy. You are in danger – active danger. Serious danger. I would believe this dysfunction guy might do anything. And I worry that the coming two-week deadline will make him *more* erratic, out of control. It takes a bully, a truly sick individual, to claim, “do X and I can’t be responsible for what I do.” He is already indulging himself in violence, hatred, and sexual, physical, verbal, and emotional abuse.

If you wished, you could now call a shelter – they are listed in the phone book, you can call the police, or you can look on Google for your city and “emergency shelter women” or your city and “battered women shelter”. You could call and tell them that you fear for your life – and you would not be exaggerating at all.

Before he turns you to the wall one more time, tell yourself that anyone with any honor would respect the people around them – and notice that he doesn’t respect himself or anyone.

Whatever might have been between you in the past is dead. Change happened. You don’t have a home, you don’t have security in your person or your emotions, you don’t have safety or respect in your life. Whatever the money or nostalgia or other issues making you delay *saving your life*, they cannot be easier tomorrow or in a month – if you are injured in the next hour.

You are no longer responsible for him or his welfare. The cat issue is important – many serial killers abused animals before they got around to killing people. His shouting, his disregard for your health and welfare – he has already left as a partner. All that is left is the abuse that ties you to him. You can walk out. You always could. But plan on going cold turkey, and plan on hiding from him. Because the only thing you can count on him for, now, is what he is giving you now – abuse, threats, violence, and disrespect.

Whatever hurts torment you now, I can almost surely promise – it will get worse. But in a different way – because after leaving him, it should start to get better, eventually. Stay with him and I swear it will only get worse.

Blessed be.

Brad K.’s last blog post..Back from the dead: Re-engaging with the ex

Brooke, it is good that you are trying to understand what you are doing. You are on a very self-destructive path and unfortunately, this is mostly of your own creation. You engage in such a high level of fantasy that actually, he’s not part of the equation – he’s just the inspiration for your next set of feelings but you almost don’t need these men around because you’re too busy living in a fantasy world. People can’t reciprocate something that is based on illusion and mostly in your head because you’re not in the real world. To have a half a chance of them reciprocating, you’d need to have both of your feet very firmly in reality. You actively choose men that are not going to reciprocate because how you conduct your life is what works for you. You don’t pursue men who are likely to be interested because you’re not trying to actually have a real relationship. You can’t make a relationship work that doesn’t exist – you have to realise this. You don’t want to let go, which means you don’t want to stop fantasising and putting yourself through this. I really think that you should speak with someone and I hope that you don’t just resign yourself to continuing this pattern of behaviour. What I will say is if this pain continues, you are 100% responsible for it – don’t do that to yourself.

You “accept it’s nothing” if you’re not getting anything out of the ‘relationship.’ What is there to hold on to?

I don’t understand? This guy is clearly not giving you-or anyone for that matter-what you deserve, why in the world would you want “to hang out again?” Ladies, is this how little we are setting for??