He Loves Me Not, He Loves Me?
One thing I have never understood is the guy that realises he loves you after you leave him or better yet, after you leave him for someone else. Not only have some of my girlfriends experienced this phenomena but I have as well. These guys are in a league all their own. They are notorious for “freaking” out when you announce to them that you are leaving the relationship.
If you have experienced this, you know what I am talking about. One day, you decide you have had enough of waiting around for the relationship to advance and you hit the high road. Then all of a sudden, neon lit signs are flashing “I really do love you” all around only to leave you wondering, where the heck were you before?
I was with someone like this for a full year and a half. Over the course of our relationship he would make it known that he didn’t feel the same way about me. He never once said he loved me and at times was downright cruel. One night, I asked him flat out if he loved me. His response was “Well, I care about you but I don’t know if I am in love with you.” Frankly, that was all I needed to hear at that point to make my decision. What followed was a rocky, on the edge relationship that barely hung on. Shortly after, I met someone very special and announced to my boyfriend that I no longer wanted to be with him.
What was to come was something I could never imagine. There were desperate attempts several times a day by phone to reach me. Emails professing his love and even some of his friends calling me to tell me that he really was in love with me all that time and that I should give him another chance. Huh?! Then, in a last ditch effort, he flew 3000 miles (he lived on the east coast and I lived on the west coast) without my knowledge to see me. He stayed in a hotel next to my work for a week saying that he would be there if I wanted to talk to him; all the while begging and pleading that I believe he really loved me. To be honest, at times, it bordered on psychotic. At times, I felt sorry for him but nothing could change my mind. It was over.
As far as I am concerned, he had plenty of time to figure out whether he loved me. It wasn’t rocket science. This is a classic case of not knowing what you have until it’s gone. Hopefully, it was a lesson learned for him because I know it was for me.
If you find yourself in this kind of situation, don’t sit around picking the daisy petals playing the “He loves me, He loves me not” game. Also, don’t be surprised if it takes leaving for him to realise he does love you. Whilst you may be tempted to go back, ask yourself if you really want to be with someone that needs to lose you to realise he loves you? Chances are when the drama calms down, and he realises he has you back; he won’t be professing his undying love. At which point, your next petal will be: He loves me not.
This post was contributed by Rose City Girl. She’s a fine food and wine loving mixed media artist that travels a lot and stays away from men that mistreat her!
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Vixen July 4th, 2007, 12:24 pm
I chalk it down to the boys with toys philosophy. They always want only what another guy has—you might be 100 degrees of fabulousness but until someone else wants you too; he doesn’t play with you as much. Great post.
Brad K July 16th, 2007, 11:00 pm
Rather than ‘boys with toys’ syndrome, I think the biggest problem is lack of a goal, a purpose in being together.
Back when parents arranged marriages (and where they still do in the world today), a couple had no questions, no doubts - execute the wedding, meet social and family guidelines, make babies.
When you find ’someone to date’, you don’t have a goal. Essentially, whatever happens, you have already achieved everything you set out to do. Whether the guy or the girl wants more, or when they decide to change to a more lasting relationship, the odds are that they don’t involve the other soon enough to match goals and plans.
When one decides to get more permanent, or to leave, or otherwise change the relationship, that causes an impact on the other person. Because of the change, they have a reason to evaluate their feelings, their hopes, and decide what they want. Because we are all inexperienced at picking a life partner, none of us are experienced in making successful transitions. We guess, we claim ‘timing!’, we hope, we read popular magazines and blogs for advice on how to get what we want.
Jude August 5th, 2007, 7:49 am
I feel ya. I have made similar discoveries of late, and have begun using this new information to my advantage. It’s really cool to turn the tables. Just hope in the end it’s not a case of “Be careful what you ask for; you may just get it.”