Listen, people have all sorts of motives. I overheard one guy chatting to his friend that he was going to stay with his girl probably for the next 6months because even though they weren’t getting along so good, they’d just signed a 6month lease and he couldn’t afford a place of his own.

Not everything that looks rosey from the outside is so good once you scratch the surface.

How about spinning things a different way? He did you a favour, maybe he liked you enough not to get involved and treat you as bad as all the rest? That’s a more positive spin rather than thinking the guy is scumbag.

Our thoughts are what we make them.

So why is he good for her? Why is he still with her? I don’t want him back, but it seems so unfair that he could treat me so coldly, and not even care about my feelings. He said all his previous girlfriends broke up with him because of his behavior, so why is this one staying? He was with her within a month of our relationship ending, so there could not have possibly been time for change/growth.

I just can’t seem to get past the feeling of being treated unjustly. I feel so hurt and betrayed, and he is just going about his life, as if he didn’t have a care in the world.

It’s not fair that an AC gets to be such a jerk to one (or more) woman, and still get validated by another one. I really didn’t expect his new relationship to last this long, and it’s messing with my head that people who behave badly get rewarded.

Let me be clear….um…. DELETE HIM! If you still have him on your Friends list you are obviously not staying true to yourself and/or following the no contact rule. You may as well shut off your computer drive to his house, park in his driveway and watch his every move through binoculars. Facebook will KILL your progression!

You should have him BLOCKED by now which means, no tagged pics are visible, no changes to his profile picture will make your stomach turn and no comments on any mutual friends photos or walls …..

and God forbid you happen to see “(Enter toxic name here) is now in a relationship” EEK!!

Hasn’t he hurt you enough?
It’s for your own good, do it!

a quote that i recently read and loved…
“Life is like riding a bicycle… you gotta keep moving to gain balance”

RUN Forward from this one!!!!

Remember, the words are very easy, I think he has proven through his actions he is a horrible candidate as a partner. “It just happened!” What the hell is that???????

Wishing you the best.

It is a classic case of him pursuing others that don’t require commitment – she being in a relationship (or maybe just exiting one), and him just getting out of one. He pursued me while I was married when my ex-husband and I were going separate ways. Not wise on my part. During that time he never expected anything, never demanded any commitment. And I understand why – because it must have been convenient.

But this article and others on the website have been so encouraging and helpful. I want to get to the point where I no longer care whether or not he sticks with this other woman or gives her something that he didn’t give to me. It is as the post said – he is living – even if it is his half-life – and it is time I live fully for myself.

The one thing is, who are them to judge, and the next one thing is (back focus on ourselves) do we want a man, that has such an imagination of women in generell? Like this person is someone to merry, I treat her with respect and the other one is a bitch, I can use her as I want to?

It’s just my opinion, I know at least that my EUM devides women into that categories and I had an Ex, that is now a terrible player, but i was and still am his holy madonna. Although he treats me with respect and tells me everything about, how assclowns thinks and how much I must take care, I only have to shake my head about, how he is treating other women, and that is caused by somehow a limited chauvinistic mind….

xxxjen

I’d LOVE to see more posts on this topic, namely how the AC/EUM is so able not only to move on to another pigeon so rapidly with NO regard for your feelings and despite all the intimacies and vulnerabilities you shared, but usually goes on (in my case anyway) to flaunt the new relationships and rub the fallback girl’s face in it…then goes on to fast track the whole thing to cohabitation and engagement. It’s like playing a losing slot machine all day to walk away and the very next person comes along and wins the jackpot!

You’ve addressed the issue in this blog of course, but if you could follow it up with sequels to reinforce the idea or show additional perspective into this phenomenon, many of us would be able to make sense out of the nonsense.

But then the relationship issue would come up again because of course, I only wanted to be with him and wanted us to be exclusive. He’d say stuff like he didn’t see me in a romantic way or I wasn’t someone he thought of having a relationship with or I’d get the “I’m just not ready now” response. I challenged him on his feelings and when he didn’t say what I wanted to hear I cut things off. We stopped seeing each other again for almost a year. I didn’t even talk to him for a while. But like a fool I let him back in again. The problem is I wouldn’t never cut off contact completely for long enough and we’d continue our “friendship”. The thing is, I truly considered him a friend, regardless of what happened to us romantically. He just seemed like someone who I could always count on and we had such a strong bond.

Fast-forward to this summer, at which point we’d been seeing each other again for about 3 1/2 months. For my birthday in May he went above and beyond what he’d normally do. I saw him more that week than I normally would. He just kept doing and doing. I really felt we had made some real progress. When he’s HOT he’s hot. But then by end of June he was back to cold. And when I asked for more of his time, I got him asking what my expectations were. Pretty soon we agreed to stop sleeping together and just focus on our friendship. He stressed to me that he really was not ready for a relationship with anybody, that he had so much going on with his writing, his job, his brother (who was staying with him) and his sick grandmother who was in and out of the hospital (out of state). I truly believed that he just couldn’t deal with anymore right now. Then come to find out on his Facebook page a couple weeks ago that his status says “In a relationship”. Imagine my surprise. He tried to downplay the relationship with this girl he’s been talking to on and off for a year. I was hurt obviously because less than a month before he gave me the “not ready” speech and *poof* now he is? And with someone else? And then because I did truly consider him one of my closest friend’s, it hurt that he didn’t even just tell me and let me find out on FB.

I don’t know for sure but I think this girl is younger than me and perhaps not doing as much as me career wise. He’s always seemed a bit intimidated by my career because as I’ve moved up he asks me less and less about my job while everyone else is excited for me. He’s very much the type that likes to be the man running things, that type of guy. I wonder if that has something to do with it.

Anyway, that’s the long short version of the story. I could use any helpful tips on moving on. I’ve tried so many times before and always get sucked back in. This time he’s got a girlfriend and it hurts like hell. I have started dating again just to not be defeated and keep putting myself out there. I haven’t gone into a hole as I’ve done in the past and I’m out living my life. But when I’m alone or not busy the pain is still great. When does it get easier? And what are the best things to do to move on and stop obsessing on why he picked someone else instead of me?