How Does a Guy Know if the Girl He’s Dating is ‘The One’

February 16, 2006 by Special Dark

The topic of identifying “the One” is going to be an interesting topic for me to tackle because, to date, I’m not entirely sure I’ve ever had that “Ah-Ha” moment when I had no doubt whatsoever. I thought I had it with my ex-fiancé but, alas, that did not end in marriage.
The big “M” word is something that I would prefer to only undertake once in my life. As such, my potential wife has to meet certain criteria in order for our marriage to make it through its first anniversary.

#1 Family and Friend Support – However frustrating, if a guy doesn’t think that you can be smoothly integrated into his life then there’s a good chance he won’t be willing to fight for the relationship to work. This is the most likely to be a make-or-break issue.

#2 Shared Goals & Interests - If he is very sedentary and you long to be a world traveller, there is already tension is your relationship that could derail the whole enterprise from the get-go. Insofar as his “lighter” interests, while he typically doesn’t expect you to get into cars or sports, he does want to know that you still respect him in spite of whatever guilty (or non-guilty) pleasures he indulges in. Respecting each others goals, interest or what-have-you goes a long way even if you don’t share them directly.

#3 The Magic of Chemistry - Guys may not be able to quantify it and they may not read magazine articles about it but they have a modicum of intuition and can tell whether or not the person they are with is hot or not. That attraction, passion, intimacy, or whatever you want to call it may not be around forever but if a guy doesn’t feel it, at least upfront, that might unconsciously eliminate you from the “long-term” category in his mind.

#4 Ready now? - Could you see yourself married to the guy you liked when you were 12? How about 17? People are temporal linear beings who age through time. We have a past, a present and a future and, as such, we are constantly changing. If you are not what he’s looking for at this stage in his life, he will not want to wed you. If you are what he wants, but there’s a nagging sensation in the back of his head that you are not what he needs, you are still up the creek without a paddle.

#5 Do you make him want to be a better man? - Through all the changes that happen through life, good men want to become better people. If you help him realise that, help him be more than he is today – you will not only be his lover but you will gain immeasurable significance as his best friend as well. That being said you MUST avoid the trap of nagging. Nagging is NOT uplifting, nor does it make anyone better. It makes people frustrated and only makes them resent the relentless advice you are providing them.

#6 Comfort- This is probably the most important item on this list. If you do not make a man feel comfortable, he will find someone who does (unless he’s inexperienced and doesn’t know any better). Men value being comfortable (which is slightly different form a woman’s desire to be “safe & secure”) because men want reinforcement that who they are innately, and their life choices, are okay and that someone (namely you) see the value in him the way he is. This doesn’t have to contradict with number 5. You can acknowledge who he is fundamentally, respect his life choices and non-invasively urge him on to make improvements all at the same time (it just takes talent and intelligence). It will still retain his comfort level without leaving him stagnant.

#7 At the end of the day- At the end of the day he has to answer the question “Is my life better with her than without her?” If that answer is “yes”, then you are that much closer to a wedding ring. If not, the wedding bells will have to wait.

There are a host of things that are only specific to what a particular guy is looking for in a woman, but these are the largest contributing factors as to whether or not he’ll want to spend the rest of his life with you.

These are the points on which all his other lower tier preferences revolve.

Special Dark is a special blend of intelligence, wit, and an irreverant sense of humor that has strong views on women and relationships. Originally descended from the Alpha Male class of the society, he has suited up on debonair charm and retained his gentlemanly ways to the consternation of the rest of his species. Be sure to look out for him in his weekly column Beyond the Penis, where he will be expounding to us what men really think of the ‘fairer sex’.