How NYM Discovered Great Sex Part II
April 18, 2006 by NYM
To recap from last weeks column, I mentioned that girls are brought up to be taught that it is not proper for us to give in to our sexual desires, and that if we do were horrible people and well be ruined. Growing up under this climate of sexual and social hostility creates all manner of psychological blocks to sexual enjoyment and proper sexual education.
We are groomed from the time were very young to be virgins until marriage, and at the very least, not to give it up to many men. But it goes even deeper than that.
For all intents and purposes, masturbation is a social taboo. Girls AND boys are taught that it’s dirty and wrong to touch their private parts. For Gods sake, our genitals are rarely referred to by their names. Each family has its own cutesy pseudonym for vagina and penis. I grew up thinking that my vagina was called a-are you ready for this? A peeper. Seriously. A peeper! As in, Go potty and wipe your peeper. Or, NYM, get your hands out of your peeper. (So I was always curious!)
If you’re supposed to feel guilty and horrified by touching your vagina or penis, how are you supposed to figure out how it works? Fortunately, biology naturally takes over at some point and most of us eventually find out how to give ourselves pleasure. But not all. Especially women.
As I mentioned, boys are also taught that it’s bad to touch their penises. However, sexual exploration and experience are, even though outwardly socially taboo, much more acceptable and almost expected of boys. For proof, all you need is to take a gander at the pornography industry. It’s geared toward boys and men. Even some porn (Playgirl) that is supposed to be for women is subtly marketed toward gay men. It’s generally accepted as normal that boys and men will have a secret stash of dirty magazines that they will wank to. In fact, men and boys who don’t behave this way may be seen as strange.
Physiologically and architecturally, the male sexual equipment is much easier to use. Its right there, practically in front of their faces, it becomes easily erect, and all they have to do is grab on to it, rub it a little and voila! A bit messy, but nothings perfect.
However, the female sexual organ is much more complicated. It’s out of our range of sight and it’s hidden partly inside and underneath folds of skin. And, every woman’s works a bit differently. Without proper education or practice, it can be virtually impossible for women to figure out how to enjoy sex or to have an orgasm.
So I ask, how is a woman supposed to learn to enjoy sex if she’s not supposed to have it, she’s not even supposed to find out how her vagina gives her pleasure, nor is she to think about or want sex?
Which brings me to the conversation that I had with a 30 year old woman who didn’t know what orgasming felt like in spite of having 2 husbands and lots of sex.
I’m going to be a tease again and leave that for next week. I hadn’t realized I would go on such a tangent about masturbation. Hmmmm, I’ve got a few more minutes before I have to get to work…
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How NYM Discovered Great Sex Part I
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[...] How NYM Discovered Great Sex Part II [...]
[...] To recap from last week, girls are taught from a young age that they’re not supposed to give in to sexual desires. They’re not supposed to “give it up” to boys nor are they supposed to explore their sexuality through masturbation. There is a definite double standard regarding sexuality. Certainly, most societies and religions officially tout pre-marital abstinence for both sexes. However, it’s common knowledge that, unofficially, boys and men are expected to be sexually active whether it’s with their own hand or, when they can “persuade them,” with women. A high school girl who is known or even suspected of having sex with one or more boys is knows as “easy, “ “slutty,” or “a whore.” Boys who are known or suspected of having sex with one or more girls are known as “studs.” It’s this double standard that is responsible for such inequality in sexual experience. By the time men reach the age of 25, they generally have had several more sexual partners than women of the same age. If girls and women aren’t supposed to explore or experiment sexually, where are they supposed to learn about it? How are they supposed to learn how to do it, or learn how to enjoy it? How is a woman who’s only had one or two sexual partners, who may not have been very skilled in the art of pleasing women, supposed to learn to love sex? I’m sure everyone’s heard the cliché, “Wanting is more fun than having.” And that can indeed be the truth when engaged in a sexual experience with someone with whom you have little chemistry, or when confronted with someone who is a bad and/or selfish lover. I know that I find nothing as depressing as bad sex. There is nothing in life more pointless than bad sex. I’d rather sit at home with a good book and a glass of wine instead of having bad sex. Hell, I’ll even settle for just the good book. But I’ll get back to that in a bit… …Let’s get talking about the effects of insufficient sexual education. I’m about to recount a conversation with an acquaintance that I wouldn’t have thought possible. She’s a 30-year old woman, divorced, remarried, with one son. I’ll call her “TR.” TR: “Hey NYM. I just read this article about orgasms. It was very educational. I’ve never had one:” NYM: “Never?” TR: “And I was talking to Tina about how orgasms are different than cumming.” NYM: Huh?” TR: “Huh what?” NYM: “Orgasms are different from cumming? Are you serious?” TR: “Well yeah.” NYM: “Erm…and what is the difference?” TR: “Well, you know…cumming is when you’re doing it with your man and you’re feeling good and you go oooh and aaahhhh. My husband keeps telling me that’s it, but I thought when you had an orgasm you’re shaking and convulsing and your eyes are rolling into your head.” NYM: “OK, Are you serious? Are you? No way, you’re putting me on?” TR: “Seriously.” NYM: “OK, OK…do you mean to say that you think that you need to squirt to have an orgasm?” TR: “Do you?” NYM: “No! I’m just asking you if you think that.” TR: “I don’t know. Can you do that?” And the conversation continued on like that for some time…Finally I was able to convince her that cumming and orgasming are indeed the same thing after explaining the actual physiological steps which result in orgasms (about which she had been completely ignorant). I was further vindicated the next day when she told me that during sex with her husband the previous night she realized that she had been orgasming all along. What kind of sick society allows girls to grow into women with such insignificant sexual knowledge? We’re left to fend for ourselves. We learn through misinformation from older siblings/friends, magazines, movies, television…Through one of these mediums, poor TR learned that in order to have an orgasm, your head has to spin around 360 degrees and you have to have a brain aneurysm. The title of this series of columns is “How NYM Discovered Great Sex.” So let’s get back to me. I grew up in a very repressed, Roman Catholic household. In next week’s column, I’ll describe the environment in which I was raised and how I grew from a twisted and repressed teenager to a sexually confident and adventurous woman. How NYM Discovered Great Sex Part II [...]
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