How NYM Discovered Great Sex Part IV
May 2, 2006 by NYM
I grew up in a seriously sexually repressed household. Definitely my mother and possibly my father were virgins until they got married. Either way, neither of them had much sexual experience, and whatever they had learned about it was stuff off the street. They both grew up in Catholic households, but my father grew up in one of those freaky fanatic Catholic households. He’s so repressed that even to this day if he sees an attractive woman, he has to put her down. (Yes, I’ve gone to therapy.)
It was ingrained in my head while I was growing up that I could only have sex if I got married. And that any woman who had sex with a man who wasn’t her husband was a disgusting pig slut. One of my family’s notorious family feud’s started because of pre-marital sex. My mother’s brother had moved in with his fiancée before they were married, and one afternoon his fiancée overheard my grandmother telling my uncle that she must not be a “nice girl” because they were living together. There’s been bad blood ever since.
Fast forward to when I was 15 and had my first boyfriend. In total, I ended up dating him on and off for nearly 8 years. For the first two, I would do anything with him BUT have intercourse. Because I was a nice, virginal Catholic girl. I’d suck his dick, let him eat my pussy, let him stick as many fingers as he wanted inside of me, but NO INTERCOURSE. Eventually, of course, we had intercourse when he had gone off to college and I found out he was sleeping with all kinds of other girls. So, I figured that if I let him have sex with me that everything would be OK again. (Yes, I’ve gone to therapy.)
The sex with him was good. Vaginal intercourse. Missionary. Me on top. Him on top. Doggy style. Oral sex. No anal. No touching myself during sex. I had figured out how to have orgasms during oral sex, when I was on top, and occasionally when I was on the bottom. We did it in his frat house, in my dorm room, in the law building, in the arboretum, in the humanities building, in his car, in the park…I thought that I was adventurous! But one day he tried to lick my ass, and I freaked out…
I had my limits. I was still not comfortable exploring. I refused anal sex. I refused any kind on anal play. And I also felt too ashamed to play with my own pussy in front of him. If there was any touching going on, we were going to have to touch each other.
In college I had a few experiences with other guys. I went out on a date with a guy I met at a frat party just to spite my boyfriend because he was still cheating on me. He aptly nicknamed “Moose” because of the extremely large size of his genitalia. When we got back to his place later that night, I slept with him not because I wanted to, but because by that point I had figured out he was sort of psycho and I was afraid what he’d do to me if I didn’t. (Yes, I’ve gone to therapy.) Another guy I slept with who I met at the same frat, who I was crazy about, told me he thought I was a slut because I’d had sex with him.
Wow, this whole history just seems to be taking a turn for the pathetic. Looks like it’s time for me to cue in my plug for next week’s column. I promise it gets better. We’ll meet “Aaron,” the frat boy who walked into a bar and changed my sex life, and we’ll also find out the importance of “When Harry Met Sally.”
How NYM Discovered Great Sex Part IV
How NYM Discovered Great Sex Part II
How NYM Discovered Great Sex Part I
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[...] How NYM Discovered Great Sex Part IV [...]
[...] Girls are taught some crazy things!!! Sex and gender information is a barrage of mixed messages, but most of the dialog centers on shame and penance and restraint. From the time we’re very small we’re taught that we need to be good, chaste little girls or we will be ruined and called bad names. We’re taught that boys want it and that we’re not supposed to give it up. We’re taught that boys “only want one thing,” that they “just want to get into our pants,” and that we are not to let them lest we ruin our reputation. Virginity until marriage is still to this day impressed upon girls and women as the ideal. We’re also taught that, should we decide to become “tarts” and give up our virginity that we’re only supposed to have sex with men whom we love. We grow up hearing men AND women calling women who are too free with their sexual favors names such as Slut, Harlot, Slag, Tramp, etc. Other sick messages that women have gotten over the years are that sex is something women must endure to please their husbands, and that it’s a “wifely duty,” Under these hostile gender/sexual circumstances girls become young women and it only leads to ignorance and psychosexual problems. Many women are afraid to have sex, or to learn about sex, or to be open about sex, and this leads to psychological blockage of sexual pleasure, and less or no knowledge about how to have and how to enjoy sex. I believe that sexual arousal and enjoyment, contrary to popular belief, does not originate from the body, but from the mind. The proof that I offer is that I frequently orgasm in my sleep if I’m dreaming about sex. No one or nothing is stimulating me physically while I sleep and I wake up as a result of the unusually intense orgasms. The physiological reaction is cause solely by my subconscious mind. If pleasure and a healthy sexual life originate from the depths of the subconscious mind, then the importance of instilling healthy ideas and feeling about sex in little girls and women cannot be underestimated. To be continued… In next weeks column I will discuss more about the very negative effects of sexual ignorance and will provide real life examples such as a conversation with a 30-year-old woman who grew up so ignorantly about sex that she didn’t know what orgasms felt like. [...]
[...] How NYM Discovered Great Sex Part IV [...]