I have recently lost almost 100 pounds, and the thing I realize is that my self esteeem has improved drastically, but deep down I am still the “fat” girl. I am workign hard to change that.

I feel your pain. I think that it all stems to childhood. Did you have an absent father? Do you see similiarities in your mother. My mother was a devoted traditional married woman. She was married for almost 30 years, and all those years I never saw her stand up for herself. I saw that my father held the power to walk away, and my mother gave him that power.
In realtionships now, I cannot find the spark when I meet a nice man, and even though I am aware of what is happening, I can’t help my feelings. I end up not likign him, he is too boring for me. On the other hand, when a man is distant, I find myself more attracted to him.