How To Be a Bad Date
May 23, 2007 by NML
1. Be me, me, me, it’s all about the me
OK, so you’ve got a lot to say and you’re a great person. You’ll be even greater if you zip up a bit more and give him a chance to find it out of his own accord. Talking about yourself incessantly isn’t attractive – you’ll sound self-absorbed, self obsessed, and…boring.
2. Do all of the talking
Let him get a word in edgeways. Even if he is shy, he needs to make the effort to contribute to the conversation and the date. Be careful of letting your over-exuberant, self confident personality dominate the date because they are likely to take this as an indicator of how you would be in general.
3. Talk/bitch about your recent ex
Are you crazy? Don’t exchange ex stories until you’ve been on a few dates. There is more than enough to talk about on dates and slagging off your ex or telling the story of your break up is not a way for him to get to know you.
4. Breakdown in tears
You shouldn’t be on a date if you feel that emotionally fraught! If you cry over your ex I would suggest that it’s game over, no credits! Tears on dates scream drama and out of control emotionally, something that most men beat a hasty retreat from.
5. Correct and criticise your date
Who died and made you Queen of the World? It is grossly inappropriate to correct someone’s speech/grammar, or feel the need to criticise their actions or choices, or question their intelligence. Superiority complexes don’t belong on dates.
6. Display unnecessary anger/hostility
It’s unattractive when a guy can’t control his temper or is rude to waiting staff on a date and it’s not any more attractive when you do it. Likewise, be careful of sounding angry and hostile when you speak about your exe’s as it screams that you’re not over them.
7. Be cynical and hard nosed
If you feel that jaded about dating and look at the date as ‘Yet Another Bad Date’ before you’ve even had it, it comes across very negative and I have to ask: What the hell are you dating for?
8. Try to get him to commit or be aggressive about getting married or having babies
I once went on a date with a guy who within 30 minutes of the date was trying to get me to discuss getting married and moving away with him in a year if things worked out. I was horrified. If you sound too hungry for marriage and babies on a date, you can come across scary!
9. Don’t make any effort
Dates are a two way street. Act like it’s the equivalent of cutting your toenails and like you’d rather be anywhere but there and you will ensure he doesn’t see you again. Expecting him to make all of the effort suggests that you’re lazy and think you’re superior.
10. Take him to a place where you know your ex will be so that you can make him jealous
Are you crazy? Nuff said!
11. Be a bitcher and a whiner
Moaning is what your patient girlfriends are there for. It’s not what a guy wants to listen to on a date. Aren’t dates supposed to be fun, happy occasions? He is not your therapist and you’ll sound like someone with issues if you can’t even find it within yourself to be more positive on the date.
12. Get too drunk
Yes you may be nervous or feeling like you can get comfortable, but does that mean that it’s a good idea to start slurring your words an hour into the date, or passing out, vomiting or just making a general fool of yourself? Know your limit!
13. Act like you’re an interviewer/cop
You may have a master list of criteria but does that mean that you should fire questions at him like you’re interviewing, or worse still, interrogating him before you take him to the slaughter? Why not shine a light in his face or torture him whilst you’re at it? Or at least have him fill out a form before the date so that he can prepare…
14. Spend the date on your phone
Just rude. Nuff said.
15. Be sexually suggestive and aggressive
Know your audience! It’s one thing if he’s responding positively, but if he’s not, you will alienate him quicker than you can say ‘Fancy a quickie?’ if you don’t back off. Also avoid doing this if all you’re doing is testing and teasing him.
NML is the editor of Baggage Reclaim
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haha. I’ve done all of these things just to guarantee I DO NOT have to be the one to say “I don’t want to see you again.” It has worked out pretty well, but then there will be the occasional doofus who comes back for more. Hey, I’ll take the free dinner to keep on going.