My friend Annie Dennison Ph.D over at Smart at Love is discussing the issue of complimenting, or inadvertently insulting a woman. One of her readers approached a woman and complimented her on her ‘hourglass figure’ and ended up with a very pissed off woman snapping at him and slapping him across the face. Laughter aside, whilst I think her reaction was a little OTT, he also failed to recognise that sometimes, what you think is a great thing to say is a major no-no for the recipient.
As someone who has had more dodgy chat-ups than I care to remember, when it comes to complimenting women, I do advise the following:
1. If they are a stranger, it means you don’t know them. Don’t be overfamiliar!
2. Keep it general. Saying someone is beautiful is better than homing in and saying ‘I love your Roman nose’ or anything else specific. You don’t know if the recipient of your compliment has spent her adult life fretting over that particular feature!
3. Start a conversation first if in doubt about going straight in for a compliment. This gives you the opportunity to introduce yourself and you will be slightly less of a stranger than you would be if you just bowled straight in with a compliment.
4. Steer clear of sexual references. So basic yet so often the very thing that guys do because they think it makes them flirty and funny, instead of recognising that it makes them look like a creep. It is a major turn off to make a sexual reference to a woman by way of introduction. If it’s the best that you can do by way of introduction, you should just give up now!
5. Be genuine. There are a lot of guys out there that have a ‘line’ that they trot out which is their charming and disarming line that they hope will eventually get the knickers down. Whilst you may get away with trotting out a ‘line’ to some women, many will see right through your cheesy, standard approach and feel very turned off.
6. Look her in the eye when complimenting. Don’t stare at her breasts or elsewhere.
7. Try to gauge your audience. Is she on her own or with other people? Some people will think it’s funny if you come over and compliment them whilst they are with other people, and others may feel like you’re invading their space. Likewise, if they are on their own, try not to approach in a creepy manner and don’t come too far into her personal space. I have a particular pet peeve with guys that literally try and stand right up against you when they approach!
8. DO.NOT.TOUCH.AND.COMPLIMENT. I repeat! Do not touch and compliment. Touching a stranger and complimenting them at the same time doesn’t make your invasion of her personal space any better. It’s creepy, it’s inappropriate, and downright overfamiliar. Keep your meddling hands to yourself!
NML is the editor of Baggage Reclaim
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1 It’s About Making Babies! » Blog Archive » Complimenting the Lady // Jun 14, 2007 at 6:27 pm
[...] intercourse (sex). Then I read NML’s take on Annie’s story at Baggage Reclaim, “How to Compliment a Woman“. And I thought, but, what if she were actually flirting, and wanted to bring the [...]
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