How to have a dirty weekend

Get out your finest underwear. If you don’t have any, buy some but whatever you do, don’t be caught wearing something that will remind him of his mother or his gran. I highly recommend a foxy negligee babydoll night dress or knickers and bra set with holds-ups/suspenders with the belt and a foxy pair of heels.

Surprises are good. Send him out for an hour or so (tell him to go and watch the footie for a while) and get on your foxy underwear and one of his shirts or if you like the Hollywood effect, put on a mac. Greet him at the door in your outfit.

Armpit, leg hair should be non-existent (unless that’s his thang….) and the bikini line should be groomed via trimming, shave, waxing or whatever it takes. Weed-wackers and dirty weekends don’t mix. I prefer waxing so that there is no chance of any stubble.

Only do what you feel comfortable with. You’re on a dirty weekend but it doesn’t mean that you should succumb to the pressure of being or doing something you aren’t comfortable with. Likewise try everything on before you wear it on the weekend because if something is too small or isn’t that flattering, it’s best to find it prior to being at the hotel.

Don’t overkill it and try and be a pornstar (unless that’s your thang). He’s on a weekend with YOU so be YOU. It is more than OK to indulge a couple of your fantasies and don’t be afraid to ask him what his are.

Pack light. You’re going to shag your brains out, so how much clothes can you possibly need? You need more underwear than you need outfits!
- Bring a pair of trainers and a chilled outfit like jeans or combats in case you go for a walk
- Do bring something to wear out to dinner

Don’t rely on the hotel to provide all of the necessities. Bring a couple of really good candles and if you have a MP3 player/iPod, bring some portable speakers that you plug it into.

Create a playlist on your MP3 player or Ipod of some mood enhancing tunes and if you can, include some shared favourite tunes.

Don’t faff around for ages getting ready or preening in the bathroom. They don’t like it when you do it at home and they certainly won’t appreciate it on your dirty weekend. You want to be the focus of his attention and you won’t be if you’ve taken so long, he’s fallen asleep or already headed off to the bar or dinner.

Shopping is for city-breaks, not agreed dirty weekends. Even I as shoppaholic extraordinaire, know better than to drag a guy around the shops!

Do be clear about each other’s expectations of what you will both be up to over the weekend. Don’t kill the mood of the expected weekend, but if he is planning a few rounds of golf or needs to watch the footie, it’s better to know before you get there, not after.

If you really don’t want to join him on the golf or footie, go for a beauty treatment or go shopping (yes you’re allowed now!)

Don’t spend the weekend on the phone to all and sundry. Turn off your mobile or put it on silent and check your calls discreetly when he’s not around. You’re supposed to be escaping everything and having some quality time, so you shouldn’t even want to have your phone on!

Bring protection. Whatever your normal form of protection is, such as condoms, bring them! Unless you actually intend to make babies, you may leave with more than you expected from the weekend if you don’t pay attention to contraception…

Don’t eat like a runway model (i.e. not at all) but if you know that certain things will have you bloated or winded or even make you lethargic, it would be wise not to over indulge on your weekend away.

Do bring your own champagne as it will be hideously expensive at the hotel but don’t get so drunk you can barely walk. It will kill the mood and kill the weekend. Holding back your hair as you barf in the toilet is NOT what he had in mind…

It’s good to talk, so do plenty of it but don’t talk so much you forget to have sex!

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