How To Have a Great First Date
June 19, 2007 by NML
Don’t discuss your ex’s. No matter how tempting it is to dissect your previous relationships, the time and the place is not on a first date. Surely there must be more than your ex-lover to discuss?
Make an effort. Whether it’s with your appearance or just putting in the time and effort to have a conversation, make sure you pull your weight. Dating is not just about ‘showing up’ and being wined and dined.
Don’t be rude. Clearly being rude to your date is not a good start but also avoid being rude to others such as restaurant and bar staff. Be wary of bitching about friends etc as your date may perceive this as negative behaviour.
Be positive. Yes dating isn’t easy. Yes we’ve all had bad dates. But if you can’t go on a date with a positive mindset and an open mind, don’t bother going because cynical and jaded doesn’t make a good date.
Easy on the booze. Getting sozzled and throwing up your dinner, slurring your way through the meal, or making a holy show out of yourself is unlikely to get you to a second date. Pace yourself and if you know that you’re inclined to lose the run of yourself, don’t drink, or have a cut off point.
Put your phone on vibrate or turn it off. Don’t answer calls or text throughout the date. Check your phone when you go to the bathroom. Obviously don’t spend your evening in the bathroom…
If you suspect that you’ll be argumentative, steer clear of topics like religion and politics. If you can’t resist, remember to debate without getting argumentative.
Don’t start discussing your expectations about marriage, babies, and commitment. Unless you want to send the person running for the hills, be careful of laying down your requirements for these things on dates, especially on first dates because you will scare the pants off them.
Don’t dissect the date itself or the person on the actual date. Save the blow by blow analysis of the person and the date for when you get home and speak to your friends.
Don’t tell your date about your master list of requirements and certainly avoid mentioning where they ‘fail’.
Avoid interrogating. It’s not an interview even though you may be tempted to treat it like one. No-one wants to feel like they’re a suspect of a murder enquiry or in the late stages of The Apprentice…
Avoid too many sexual innuendo’s which can end up being misinterpreted and may even lead to an uncomfortable moment.
Keep sex and any ‘second’ or ‘third base’ stuff strictly off the menu. Horny as you may feel, there are enough people out there that can testify to wondering what happened to that date that they thought they had the great chemistry with that they never heard from again.
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Set goals for the date. Remember why you are there. List, before time, the specific points you want to achieve: Is he honest? Is he kind? Is he arrogant or otherwise cruel or bigoted?
Do you find anything that would worry you, as a life mate and co-parent prospect?
If you asked him out, does he try to hijack the plans for the evening? If he asked you out, is he a considerate and gracious host?
Are his fingernails clean? Shoes and clothes in good repair, and does his appearance reflect a respect for your comfort? Does his behavior reflect respect for you? Hint: You will likely never, ever see him more respectful than tonight, whether he ‘gets lucky’ or not.
Is he sexually pushy? Does he take ‘No’ easily. Does he persist after a ‘no’? Unless you are playing games with yourself or with him, this can be a problem.
Unless you are simply cruising for possible short-term sex partners, you want to know who he is, his past life experiences (except sex partners), his family. You want him to be interested in you, too. Supposing the two of you do actually make a life together, there will be plenty of time to cuddle and coo. If that lifetime isn’t to be a mistake, this night is the beginning of evaluating who it is that you might want in your knickers.
At least, I think that is what I would tell my daughter. If I had a daughter. If she actually listened to her father. Ha.