How To Heal From a Breakup
Now, as I write this, I have a high fever and a terrible case of strep, but I can honestly say that the breakup I experienced last week is the farthest thing from my mind. I may not have healed physically over the last week, but I most definitely healed emotionally. In an attempt to share the wealth, I thought I would recap my week as well as provide some helpful hints to healing.
First, and most importantly, are your friends. Now I, luckily, had 3 of my best girlfriends and several other wonderful people present when I was dumped earlier this week. If you’re going to be dumped, you must have your friends around you at all times. Not only did they make sure I was never alone or without comfort, but they took me out. We had a “Girl Got Dumped” party on Tuesday night. They took me to the bar, made sure all the attractive men knew what had happened, and proceeded to get me hammered. I’m not talking Friday night drunk, I’m talking dancing on tables, knocking over blinds, playing entire punk cd’s on the jukebox then playing air guitar wasted. I may have slept on the floor of my car, but I guarantee you that the last person on my mind was my ex. Let your girls make you forget your sadness…no matter how much alcohol it takes.
Next, make sure you have good music. I, personally, used the Fall Out Boy “From Under the Cork Tree” album, but you have to make that call on your own. Find a cd that speaks to every emotion you feel. Find a CD that’s angry and sad and happy and powerful all at the same time. Make sure you can blast that music and sing at the top of your lungs. Music can save us, and this week Pete saved me.
Stay busy. I toured 5 different cities this week to see all different groups of people. I never stayed anywhere more than two days and left some cities before the day was up. I got to spend quality alone time in my car with my music and my thoughts and found an entirely new set of distractions at each port of call. If your mind doesn’t have time to dwell for too long, the memory will fade as quickly as the city limit sign in your rearview.
Be honest. Don’t let the emotional garbage cloud up your thinking. I was more upset about the manner in which I was dumped than I was about really being dumped. In all honesty, I wasn’t torn up over losing the person; I was torn up about trusting and then getting burned badly. Make sure you can deal realistically with the situation. Take a few days, calm down, and be rational about your reaction. Do not, as I did, cry like your grandmother died and wake up with broken blood vessels around your eyes. We are all far to pretty to get mussed up over some two bit cowardly boy. Figure out what you’re really sad about before the tears fall.
Find yourself. Somewhere between Fort Worth, Waco, Austin, New Braunfels, Fort Worth, Dallas, and Houston…I found my heart again. It wasn’t broken, as I had so desperately feared, but it had actually grown stronger. It’s beating harder, faster, and more vibrantly than ever before. It’s being cared for again. It’s loving again. And I, it turns out, will live to love another day.
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Alan September 28th, 2006, 10:42 pm
Ive just split with my gf and you have really helped thank you x
sara November 12th, 2006, 12:51 pm
I was trying for 8 monthes but i cant forget hem maby becuse i dont have no freinds so am thinking to end my life soon
NML November 14th, 2006, 11:42 pm
Alan - Glad to help! Sorry for the belated reply!
Sara - There is no guy worth ending your life for. At this point, I really must suggest that you try professional counselling. It is difficult to heal when you don’t have the circle of friends for emotional support. I totally understand why it is hard for you but discussing with someone such as a counsellor would help you put closure on things and enable you to move on. Please try this - don’t give up on yourself.
The Tattooed Debutante November 15th, 2006, 1:00 am
Sara, NML is so right. There is no man worth giving up your life for. If you can’t find someone to talk to, there are hotlines that you can call in to without having to give a name if you’d like. We have all been there, and there is a light at the end of the tunnel! I promise!
sara December 9th, 2006, 1:06 am
i would like to thaks all off u and i hope if u can tell me about the hotlines that ican call please
Trish December 31st, 2006, 3:11 am
What if you dont have any real friends?
sara January 7th, 2007, 1:12 am
i dont i dont because i moved hear after what happend to me and i have no friends or family hear
Nancy March 3rd, 2007, 5:55 pm
sara: learn to spell and stop making up crap!
Missy March 7th, 2007, 5:46 am
Sara, I had a boyfriend who dumped me unceremoniously, and though I have friends, I could not tell them about another dating disaster, and I was ashamed of having been used. One day after I felt I could not stay in my house for another minute, I took a walk for 30 minutes and found a quiet place where I vented my despair and cried my heart out. By the time I returned I was feeling much better, and I always go there whenever my feelings overwhelm me. It has become my sanctuary.
I know it takes as long as it takes to get over someone, but believe me, time heals all wounds. Today me ex came to my office and gave me one of those meaningful looks. I was unmoved.
They say that every woman needs a place to go to when their souls need soothing. But take heart. I know what it feels like to have a heavy heart and no one to share it with.
Michael March 19th, 2007, 5:39 am
I am also Dealing with a recent break-up.No real reason,She says she loves me but,is not IN love with me because she’s still in love with her ex.She says she can’t love me or anyone until she gets over him,FYI- she left him after 3 years of verbal and physical abuse.She is everything I have ever dreamed of physicaly,mentally and sexualy.I’m willing to give are relationship a rest and give her time and space,but she insists on calling it a break-up.And it is killing me.Hard part is that I work with her,and see her 6 day’s a week.She always looks really good,she smiles,she laughs and at the end of the night she gets picked up by a couple of guy friends for a night of partying.I don’t want to live,life can be so cruel.
Jaclyn March 31st, 2007, 5:12 pm
i was dumped about two weeks ago by a guy i’d been seeing for 5 months, i was completely in love with him, and he seemed to love me too…but he didn’t. right before he dumped me, i had a family tragedy and my grandpa and grandma died about three days apart from each other…right after this happened, he suddenly stopped calling me, and after three days of not hearing from him, i went to his house and basically had to solicit my own dumping. he didn’t even explain himself…and i walked out of his place in tears. we had always gotten along perfectly and been close…and the next day it came to my attention that he had blocked me from his email and facebook account. It happened out of the blue…and without reason. i’m completely baffled and hurt.
Chris May 9th, 2007, 12:22 pm
I just broke up with the man who wasn’t my boyfriend in the first place.. he was somebody else’s husband. I feel like shit, but it finally ended. And I can tell you I’ve cried, listened to the best music I could find and I’ve so many nice things planned the next few weeks, that I’m convinced I’ll have some kind of burn-out afterwards, but whatever happens, there’s no time to think about what’s-his-name-again. To you all who are in the same sort of situation: you’re not alone, and in the end we WILL find our nice guy
PokerAngel May 16th, 2007, 4:18 pm
After going through the motions 4-1/2 months longer than this 5 month relationship should have lasted, I thank my stars for my friends. I should have realized that when I was making excuses to them about his behavior and lack of humanity towards me, that I should have dropped him. But my friends were always there when I cried myself to sleep and when he dumped. If it wasn’t for my friends not judging me and just being there, this whole experiment could have and would have hurt much more!
Tyler March 12th, 2008, 12:58 am
I their a hotline you call?