Hot Alpha Female writes
Being single – It’s great! I love it and you should too. Why is it that we are so scared to be alone anyway? Are we ever really alone?
I know heaps of my girlfriends that seem to be jumping from one relationship to the other and it makes me wonder when do you really get to spend some time just getting to know yourself? How do you really know who you are if you are always with someone else?
You know, its OK to be alone and it’s OK to be alone and enjoy it. Who knows, maybe I’m dealing with some of my own issues, but I just don’t see the point in getting into a relationship just for the sake of it. If you get into a relationship because you feel like you NEED to, I can assure you that there is going to be some form of emotional or physical abuse in it because you are more scared to be alone than you are of being abused. You are willing to sacrifice some of your own values because of your own FEARS.
Let me tell you one thing about fear girls: Firstly what does it stand for? “False Evidence Appearing Real” That’s the nice term … I prefer ” F*** Everything And Run”. The scariest part is thinking about the fear.
How many times has there been something that we have been scared of doing? For e.g breaking up with someone or telling them the complete truth when you have done something wrong where the thought has just been terrifying.
But knowing who you are and having that self worth is about being able to acknowledge that fear and stepping forward in spite of the fact that you might be scared. Once you’ve reached past that barrier, not only does that fear dissipate, it is gone forever. It loses its power and you are then able to replace that with greater self-confidence and empowering thoughts.
It’s time to stand up for yourself. It’s time to discover who you really are. And the more that you discover who you really are, then the more attractive you are to men and to the world.
If you ladies are complaining that there are not enough quality men out there, I would say that you are not looking through the right telescope. You see what it is that you expect.
If you expect to date alcoholics and womanisers that’s all you will see and all you will date. If you expect to date nice and respectful men, then more nice and respectful men will be attracted to you. Simple as that.
Let me give you an example of how magnetic you can make your personality by simply building on your own self-confidence.
Last week I wrote a post called “Why Smiling Will Keep Them Dialling”. Basically I explained that if you smile more you will be able to attract more guys on every level. As part of my social experiment I decided to do that for a week or two. Results have been amazing!! Simply by making a shift in my mind, when I walked past guys I was turning heads. I had about 6-7 people ask me for my number and not only were guys more friendly and approaching me more, but so was everybody else!
I’m telling you girls, if you change what goes on in your head first, it reflects in your actions and that reflects on the energy that you give off. You know how some people just walk into a room and you can just feel their energy?
Well that’s what being a Hot Alpha Female is all about. Having a magnetic personality, built on esteem, self-confidence and respect, so that you are able to attract high quality and equally respectful men.
So its time to awaken the Hot Alpha Female within each and every one of you =)
Love ya guys – Let me know your thoughts
Hot Alpha Female is a new weekly contributor to Baggage Reclaim. She’s a vibrant twenty-something that loves talking about dating and relationships, as well as skiing and laughing uncontrollably.
Also read:
Why YOU Are The Problem – The Repeater Boyfriend
Are you really lonely for a boyfriend?
{ 16 comments }
HAF–I so agree with you! Even if we are having some “issues” within us that we are working on (like why we are drawn to EUMs), if we present our “external” selves to the world in a positive, confident, self-loving way, the world cannot help but love us. This is a very important message to deliver, especially to us women who are struggling with our own self-esteem and self-worth for whatever reason. I think this is important in life, not just to get a man. I agree that being single is not a death sentence. However, I have been single for A LONG time, and I have to be honest with myself that I would love to have a healthy relationship (is there such a thing?) with a man before I am old and gray. Since I have had unhealthy relationships in the past, one of my goals is to experience a truly loving, honest relationship with someone, but that isn’t at the forefront of my life. I am totally in agreement that women can be happy alone.
HAF, thank you for this post, I think it will give all of us something to think about!
HAF – I have been trying your experiment for the past couple of weeks and I agree with you – the results have been great. No one has asked me for my number yet, but I feel a difference in the way people are responding to me. It’s also a much less stressful attitude to have and makes everything more enjoyable.
Like “finally over it” I definitely have been alone for a long time but have had quite a few unhealthy relationships with EUM.
And the “nwe attitude” is also attracting one EUM that I work with who is like the plague. Trick for me will be to resist temptation that my “new attitude” will give him a “new attitude” wanting a healthy relationship with me.
I will say this, he is not as attractive to me any longer. But he can be charming. I would bet $100 that if I initiated seeing him right now, all that charm would go out the window and he’d disappear. However, my self-esteem isn’t worth winning that bet.
Here is to being strong, staying away and resisting temptation!
Finally over it: N there is nothing wrong with wanting a healthy and fulfilling relationship at all. So with that said, its GREAT to be open for a new relationship but no so much desperate.
There is a difference =) So while you are open to a new relationship you are also just plain enjoying being single.
I mean I talk about single like so much, because I am single at the moment. I’ve probably been single for about a year or so. Dated a couple of people for a short time, but they aren’t really worth counting.
But here’s the thing, I have only really begun to enjoy it in about the last couple of months. Like really embrace and love being single. I have found so much liberation and expression through this .. And the ironic thing is .. I have a feeling that the right person will be walking into my life soon.
I guess what I’m trying to say, is no matter what status you may be in whether that be single or in a relationship. Just enjoy it for what it is, stop looking for that which you don’t have =)
Ashley: Your new attitude will be attracting a heck of a lot of people. Not just EUM’s. And the more you use your magnetic personality, then the more choice of guys you can have to pick from.
I know it can be tempting with EUM’s because they are so interesting. But you have be able to see them for what they really are .. and move beyond that
You know what you deserve. And well all have to stop giving EUM’s so much freaken attention. lol
Thanks guys
HAF
Just one quick update. Tonight, a man started talking to me on the street, told me I was beautiful and asked for my number to go have coffee sometime next week. I don’t think he’s a guy for me, but I do chalk up the new magnetism to the new positive attitude!
Thanks!
As a man, its attractive to see a woman who is happy to be single. needy women who always want to be in relationships are never attractive.
Okay, I’m the first to admit I still struggle with being alone and being happy alone. I DO recognize that it’s better to be alone than to be with some assclown. It’s just that I do still have a little bit of fear of becoming the scary, old neighborhood cat woman. I’m getting there though…working and working on it.
Great post HAF!
Lisaq: Haha i know we can have our down moments where we wish we had someone beside us.
But at the same time, think about it. If we have full rich and busy lives, filled with work and our friends and family, we hardly have any time to be thinking about ONE particular guy.
I believe that its part of human nature to have a partner, but he will come along when you least expect it.
You have to know what you want .. and then kind of surrender to the fact that you dont know when or where you are going to meet your guy
In the mean time, get out there and enjoy life … because yesturday is something that we can never get back.
HAF
i am fresh out of a break-up, well 3 months with lots of nonsense sprinkled in..
(see breaking up and cutting contact, i’m all over it)… although i think it sucks at times, when I look back at my w/e we single girls have it made.. the summer is hard for me as last summer me and my BF were in realtionship bliss on his boat, having fun, taking trips.. so naturally this mem day w/e was stressful for me.. but let me just share what i did, none of which could have been done by a girl in a relationship….:
- after work drinks on Friday night til about 8ish.. home to change, and back out with an old friend i’ve been seeing now and then..
- saturday, coffee with friends then off to a local island with a best friend to stay over night.. drinks in the day, meeting guys, riding on harleys, and doing whatever the hell i wanted!!
-sunday, invitation to stay on the island and ride with the harley guys who also have a beautiful house there.. my friend is out, i’m out too, although looking back next time, i’m staying!!!
- sunday afternoon, a little down, but get thru it.. the phone rings at 7:30ish and it’s a guy i’ve seen 3 or 4 times.. and he aks what i’m doing.. i shower up and head out for a great night of drinks
- monday I have lunch with a friend and shoot some pool at night with the guy from Friday night…
girls.. this is not bad.. we just thnk it is when the lonliness creeps in.. BUT WHAT ATTACHED GIRL CAN DO WHATEVER SHE WANTS WHEN SHE WANTS..
LIFE IS GOOD
Hot Alpha Female – It occurs to me that there are different smiles. Smile sexily, and the attention you attract will be slanted to the sexually exited/focused on bed time sort.
Smile as if you just saw your favorite horse or dog coming to greet you, and you find the attention you gather is the eager puppy sort.
Think of the most recent gorgeous sunset you have seen. (You did notice that pretty much every sunset is gorgeous, right? You are paying attention to the beauty around you, right?) Smile in content appreciation of the strength of character you see in a guy, and the attention you get will be more subdued – but less risky.
A warm, welcoming smile will tell most guys that they are appreciated, and few guys will need more than that. Take note of the guys in the first rush – they are less likely to be looking for a long term relationship.
If nothing else, a warm smile, like any greeting, is a way to share happiness. Gifting someone with a share of your joy can be a pretty good feeling.
Hot Alpha Female!!!
Are you reading my mind? I love your article, brilliant! I am happy now, my EUM keep texting me and begging to meet (after my NC for almost two months, THANKS TO NML)….but I dont care about him anymore:-)
I concentrated on my dear self : refubishming my kitchen, work, swimming classes and looking for charity work! I love being single, no sleepless nights, waiting for calls, life is just interesting and amazing again!
Alika
It warms my heart to hear about your progress. I love how you sound FREE and that that you are thoroughly enjoying your life as is.
Thats how its meant to be. When the time is right, you’ll find a man who appreciates you for all that you are
Thanks for sharing =)
I agree to an extent, but like you said, we see what we want to see. We can see good in people where it might not really exist; it’s just a front. All “predators/assclowns” talk a good talk and usually follow through in the beginning. What about when the men don’t talk badly about ex’s- in fact, don’t talk about ex’s at all. What if they do look like the all-around good guy. They keep their dates and promises and even take you to meet friends/family? The only “red flag” would be that they’re way interested in you. Not necessarily rushing you into things, but giving you lots of attention. But does a guy have to be a creep to act very interested? And although I’ve been lucky and found out they were EUM’s before being with them for a long time, 2-3 months is still too much time to waste on these men imo.
Also, y’all are quick to tell women there MUST be something they overlooked that was a red flag, but there are men out there that don’t show you their negative side until waaaay later. In my experience, the men who are all about the chase and getting the woman, will do whatever is necessary to look wonderful for however long it takes. It is only when they feel they “have you” that they slack off and act like their normal selves. And yes, we should get out when they show their real selves, but it seems like everyone always seems to think we should have seen it sooner. I’m tellin you, if one of these types of men wants you, he’ll do everything “right” to get you. And y’all say to look out for red flags, but by your theory of finding what we want to find- if we’re looking for them, won’t we always find red flags?
Veronica,
You argue persuasively about how the instructions – avoid red flags, get to know them, live – are incomplete and defective.
Yet, I wonder. The basic premise is that your misperceptions about yourself and love and relationships will divert your attention to the guys most likely to reflect that negative aspect of your self image.
So have you tried coming to believe in yourself, to love yourself as you are, to embrace joy and life – and then start looking for a guy that enriches your life?
The red flags should be jarring, thudding interruptions in a content life. They should distract your attention and should feel painful. You should be aware that they happen, but not be looking for them. That is, they should be their own loud, ringing alarm, if you are emotionally available, healthy in spirit and have your emotions well balanced.
Then, you will understand that not all moments of pain will be a red flag – people are people, we make mistakes, communicate poorly at times, misunderstand the simplest (and most hurtful) things. Not every thoughtless or distracted act is a sign of terminal disrespect. Not every unexplained absence is proof of cheating (though the third might be) and not a symptom of difficulty communicating.
As long as you find the premise, that picking a less-than-great mate-prospect reflects our inner errors and terrors, then the issue of red flags can wait a bit. And as your learn to again accept yourself and value yourself and like yourself – you might find your experience with red flags changes, too. I hope it does.
Veronica, I agree with Brad, don’t look for red flags, just be aware of them! Trust me, if you follow your gut it will tell you something is off.
I am back to dating and there were not always red flags, some dates were nice but not for me or I wasn’t the right one for him.
No, not all men that show a lot of interest are creeps and yes 3 months or so is a long time to waste on an assclown, but that should not stop you from trying. We may have to kiss a lot of frogs before we find the prince, but even women that NEVER met an EUM will tell you the same. Also, eventually you are NOT wasting 3 months on these clowns, because by date 3 or 4 you pretty much have a good idea about him.
Don’t make a man a priority, enjoy your life.
I agree with you, if you look really hard you can find red flags with anybody you meet, but I also know that a man can find red flags with women as well.
Good example, met a guy, had a date, he called me a few times to set up the next date, I said not sure when I will have time. BS, I made an excuse – and I should not have done that- he stopped calling me and he is right, he realized why waste my time with her.
Veronica,
Both Brad and Astelle make some very valid points about red flags.
I would have to agree with them both.
Basically when it comes to dating men, you have to go with your intuition.
Even though on the surface he seems like the perfect guy, if there is a nagging feeling in ur gut or your uncomfortable and have no idea why … then you have to listen to it.
Intuition is always right … and the great thing is, it is also something you can sharpen too.
Goodluck
Hot Alpha Female
I really love this article, I was dation an EUM/AC, I just just said i had enough, Im taking 6 months to fall in love with me, to feel happy by my own!!!, right now I don’t want any man to tell me how much Im worth, I want to find out about myself, I just told this guy that I wasn’t playing anymore, i have to say that I fell a little sad but very empower!!!, I feel like I took control of my life, and my relationships, and everything!!!, and i could go on and on!!!, letting him go, but gaining my self!!! its soooooooo worth it!!!!!!!!, lets smile!!!!!!!!!!