If Men Were Shoes: Recognizing Your Shoe Fetish
December 10, 2005 by NML
For my first article, I’d like to introduce myself and my experience with men (well, boys for the most part). Right now, I’m dating someone who’s almost 10 years older than me. I’m not really “into” dating older men; I’ve never dated anybody older than me in the past but I believe you have to date a wide variety of guys to find out what kind you really like. Who was it that said guys are like shoes? Whoever it was (and it had to be a girl) that chick was right on the money. You have to try them on and walk around in them awhile before you buy them.
But what if we turned this witty little simile into a metaphor? If guys are shoes, which ones would we actually buy? I can’t be certain. I have yet to date the entire selection at DSW (Discount Shoe Warehouse) but I think I know which ones I wouldn’t waste my money on:
The pointy-toed stilettos with a 4 inch heel in aqua:
Sure, they’re cute and in style, and HOLY CRAP do you want them, but how much use are you realistically going to get out of these shoes? You can’t wear them with everything, you’re not really comfortable in them, and they’re actually going to turn out to be more of a pain by the end of the night than they are worth. More than likely you’ll end up wearing them once or twice over the course of a month or two. They’ll go out of style and you’ll give them to that friend who doesn’t pay attention to such things.
Just because a guy is super sexy, fashionable, and makes you feel pretty standing next to him doesn’t mean you should invest your time or money in him. He’ll more than likely turn out to be just a pretty face which will eventually fade.
The $10 dress shoes at Payless:
We’ve probably all made this mistake. You need a new pair of shoes but you don’t want to go all out and spend a fortune on them so you go to Payless (a store with extremely cheap shoes), find some halfway decent ones that at the time you think “Oh man, I could wear these with everything”. It’s easy; they’re cheap so you buy them. The next day when you go to put on your new kicks they feel a little stiff. You figure, “Hey, I just have to break them in”. Nope, never happens. If anything, the more you wear them, the worse the blister on your heel gets. They end up sitting in the back of your closet taking up space. Four years later, you finally throw them away.
It’s hard to say no to the guy that’s easy; to the one that says all the right things and makes the most sense. But in my experience, the “convenient” guys are the ones you end up staying with a long time because it’s comfortable. Neither of you get much out of the relationship and in the end, you find feel like you’ve wasted your precious time on somebody who’s not precious to you. And that sucks.
The golf cleats:
(If you actually play golf, substitute bowling shoe or some other sport or recreational activity that requires its own shoe.)
Golf cleats to somebody that doesn’t play golf are unnecessary, unnecessary, unnecessary. They aren’t cute, they aren’t comfortable, and you might get arrested for man slaughter if you kicked somebody with them due to their pointy spikes. However, we buy them because we think we MIGHT want to learn to play one day. They’re a novelty. You don’t need golf cleats to play golf; you just want them because you think they’ll make you better. They don’t; ask Tiger Woods. You shouldn’t buy shoes that you think will make you better at something you don’t even play.
Dating a guy who’s a computer nerd because you think you might want to become a programmer is not a good idea. What if you start learning about computers and decide you hate them? Then what are you going to do with the guy? It’s never a good plan to date a guy because he has a certain job you’re interested in or because he plays the guitar and you’d like to learn. Using guys (though it might feel somewhat liberating) is mean and will ultimately end badly. Save hurt feelings and time, don’t buy the golf shoes.
The old lady loafers with the little tassels:
OK, they’re comfortable, but not exactly pretty. You love the way they contour to the shape of your feet but hate their nasty shade of weathered brown suede. You get used to wearing them to walk the dog and check the mail. They keep your feet warm in the winter. Soon you start wearing them for a quick trip to the grocery store. After that you need to run to the mall to pick up a few holiday items and don’t even think about the fact that you are putting years onto your life when you walk into Macy’s with those ugly things on your feet. People start wondering if you care about yourself. They start wondering how old you really are. After all, your face looks to be young and fresh, but those shoes, god, not ONE of the Golden Girls would be caught dead them. Eventually, you realize your age, the disappointed/questioning stare from onlookers and ditch the old, wrinkly footwear.
Older guys have their appeal. They’re more mature, more established, and hell, gray hair can be sexy (i.e. George Clooney). But there’s a line. Do you really want to date a guy old enough to be your grandfather? Not only do people look at you funny when you make out with who they to believe your grandfather in public, old dudes just can’t do what young ones can. I don’t just mean sexually either. My mom says the #1 reason that she and my father got divorced was because of the age difference. He was interested in doing old man stuff like going to yard sales and watching re-runs of Star Trek while she was interested in going out with friends and going to sporting events. When it comes to dating men way older than you, just remember, picking out funeral lots is not a fun date idea.
If you have had any shoes that you feel need a warning label, feel free to comment!Visit Ashley’s BlogVisit Ashley’s
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