Part of life unless you are in the miniscule few that meet a guy in your teens and go on to live happy ever after with very few problems, is that we have to travel the road of dating and relationship bumps and get a few knocks and scars along the way. For some it will be grazes, scratches, for others some gashes and for the unfortunate, some rather large gaping wounds. Hopefully most will heal, but there is often some sort of scar. Unfortunately in order for us to share ourselves; for us to expend any emotion on someone of a positive nature means that we take a risk, and sometimes we really do get burnt.

I all too often come across people who have been badly burnt by a relationship experience and it can change their attitude, their outlook forever. It colours every interaction that they have and they aren’t fully there when they’re involved with someone because they hold themselves back for self protection.

Ladies, no man is worth the emotional drain of deciding to shut yourself off from the opportunity to be loved and to love. It’s a killer and it hurts like a mofo, but when we’ve recovered from the hurt, we need to get back up, dust ourselves off and get back in the saddle. Not the same saddle if you’re always going with the same guys (avoid Toxic Types), but nonetheless start over. Get a new saddle and hop on. Never give anyone that type of power where they steal your ability to feel or trust, because it’s more than they deserve.

Sometimes we shut off subconsciously (I did it) and sometimes it’s a conscious calculated decision to never trust and love again because of an experience. Do whatever it is you need to do to address the hurt, get some closure on it, park it, put it in the past and move on because as long as someone else has had that effect on us, there is a part of us that is shut off, held in the past and not getting the chance to grow.

It’s hard to avoid the pitfalls of heartbreak that make us want to chuck in the towel, but I think that if we give up trying, we give up on ourselves. The more we care about ourselves and work harder at making better choices that reflect the validation that we have given ourselves, is the closer we get to better relationships. Of course happiness isn’t guaranteed as unfortunately not only do relationships require hard work, there is the old adage ‘Sh*t happens’. Yes we may get hurt again, but more often than not we can survive that.

This post  was dedicated to a special lady out there who is feeling more than a little bruised by the rigours of love.

Natalie Lue is the founder and writer of Baggage Reclaim and author of the books Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl, The Dreamer and the Fantasy Relationship and more. Learn more about her here and you can also follow her on Facebook and Twitter – @baggagereclaim .

Natalie (NML) – who has written posts on Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue.


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3 Responses to If We Give Up On Love, We Give Up On Ourselves

  1. Dee says:

    Thank you…I needed to read something like this to remind me of who matters most at the end of it all.Myself…Yes,I am bruised by a recent almost-a-relationship situation but reading this reminded me once again that I deserve to be happy.So what if the guy decides or uncertain of what he feels for me.I deserve better than that,than a wishy-washy guy.So,thanks

  2. damaris thorn says:

    ive been like other women. never in my life expierienced heart ache like no other. i was the other woman for 2years, with a man that had a common law relationship with his woman for over 20years. he lied to me to make me think , that he would have left his woman for me. because he said the famous lie coward men like him say. ” we dont know what the future holds” is will hold my profanity on this one. but you can fill in the blanks. however, in my mind i simply go tired of everthing, beating my self up over a man that doesnt really care that much for me. i went through the stage of hating men, and not caring about how my life may end up. but now, in all truth , i am ready to love again. i still have a small amount of healing to do. and every man that approaches me with the intention of being my man. i look at it with great discretion, just because he gives you his number, doesnt mean that you will actually call you. trust and believe, love is out there for you. let if find you. im currently not seeking it. i want it to find me. so i can embrace it. and truly be someones only, and i mean only.

  3. [...] As I’ve said before, if we give up on love, we give up on ourselves. [...]

My Book - Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl

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