Jumpoff–
If you are prejudiced against a successful woman for wanting someone just as successful as she (which, to me, she has a right to want, not that she will necessarily get that type of guy–remember, successful guys want trophy wives a lot of the time), then what of the trophy wife, who is even MORE dependent on her husband for money?

Hey, under your own logic, I myself would tell the trophy to rape youu financially in a divorce–something you didn’t expect Miss Dumb Bunny to do; right?

Go, Dumb Bunnys!

I do not buy this article. To me, it reeks of being a crybaby because the women who are “successful” are a complete bitch and no man wants a woman who sees the man as a “net worth” statement.

Women, know how to treat a man and stop seeing them as subordinates.

I have found men see this and think It will carry over into the bedroom. De the fun girl, De the girl who inspires without asking for anything in return. (they don’t see that I get a check at the end of the day, and a large one!!) So think I do it cause I’m a ‘people pleaser’, Ah no.. I do it cause it’s miserable out there and we all need to learn how to undo the corporate crap and bring some laughter and creativity into a structured life.

Thing is, I find sometimes if you smile at a man, he thinks it’s an open invitation to your bedroom. somehow I give off the wrong impression. I’m so confused.

I know, It’s my job to seperate and find a way to show people what I need. I know how to give, I just don’t know how to ask for my needs to be met. I think thats why I am alone. How do I ask for my needs to be met outside of the work environment.

I am still on the road of recovery, since the last eum left me literally shaking in my boots with fear, through his cold calculated betrayal. For the past few months I have been listening to a nightly meditation to fall to sleep with. I want to share this with everyone cause It has really really helped me
The tape I have been listening too, is Louise Hay’s, ‘forgiveness and loving the inner child’ meditation. There is one part that made me cry everynight because my heart was locked tight. She says .. when we can’t feel our heart is open to loving ourselves, there is a block, some one or something has blocked you from feeling this love…we have to go deeper now to find this person and thing and find forgiveness for the thing they did that made us lock our hearts.

Well, then you go deeper into the meditation and work on getting rid of the anger, bitterness and well you now all the toxic stuff these horrid people leave behind after they have used you and dumped you.

My point is, I have been going over and over this part of the meditation cause I was devistated to realise I could not feel myself in my heart!! How could I so easily put other people in there and yet I was not present in me!! I had no memories of me except bad ones, all the trauma memories plus this new betrayal was all I was. and honest, I really thought I did love myself. In the past i have been a happy person, loving myself, my choices, my life, but it seems everytime I get to this point in my life, happy content doing great, ready to love, one of these AC’s comes in and steals my light!! I lose myself and they become so much more important than me, and then when they have what they want or I complain, that I have needs… I lose them and then I feel I have lost the world… I am left an empty, and in leaving have made me feel I was not worth sticking around for. Horrid, how could I allow this to happen!!!??

The work has been clearing it all. And just in the past two weeks (after months) I have found me!!! All these amazing memories are coming flooding back. The little girl I had cringed at for the mistakes she made, hearing other peoples voices telling her how wrong she was, how stupid, how she should be doing this or that. I found her and at first she made me cry so hard and I hugged her but couldn’t feel her, now I am having a real relationship with her and I see she was just trying her best and somehow it just wasn’t good enough for other people.

I’ve decided to give her a break, De you did just great and you are doing great and I will hold your hand and make sure you are looked after, and are having fun.

I’ve gone past the ‘I want to make myself better for a man’.
I’m at the point now of… De what makes your heart sing, where do you want to go, what do you want to do to make you laugh.

It’s taken months but finally I am letting go of other people and embracing myself.

Thanks NML, I come here everyday for your support and those of everyone else. I feel proud of myself for finding you all and recognising this is an important part of my life.

peace

It’s actually disheartening. I do find younger men who are confident enough to date someone like us, but I hardly have anything in common with them aside sex. That usually pacifies me for a day, but after that, I want something more substantial than just something between the sheets.

I’ve been unattached for too long and now that I have my life pretty much together, all I want is to find a healthy man to share it with in a healthy relationship.

I guess I need to work on being alone and accepting that fact for the rest of my life. Very disheartening.

Thank you

I am older and I know that if I want to date at my age I will need to find a self confident open minded mature single older man who is also looking for a relationship with a pretty demanding self made woman, one who is not like his mom ! I am sure a lot of men would think I am too fussy.

So what I seek may be one tall order, and while I do not expect perfection, I will not accept the immaturity or instability that comes from a guy who does not have his self confidence intact. Nor can I accept the laziness of a guy who does not know there is always work to be done to make and keep a relationship loving, healthy and alive.

I am not sure there are a lot of men out there looking for women like me ! and I have accepted that I may not meet someone. And, after the EUM encounter I am more than a bit cautious and am getting very clear about what I want at this stage of my life. I am also becoming really OK with the fact that finding a partner might be something very, very hard to find.

Strangely, this might read sad but it is not sad at all. It comes back to finding a deep satisfaction in life that is independent of a lover, independent of another. And since the only lover I want is one who also knows this level of self love for himself, finding this within me actually sets me up for the possibility of finding that kind of love.

Something that has been on my mind a while and have questioned it several times in the past.

To give you a bit about myself, I am a CEO of my own corporation (yay! a woman CEO). I created and cultivated my corporation from infancy to its current stage of just a bit older than a toddler. I’m proud of myself for being able to start and maintain a successful career.

I’m a student of life, constantly evolving, learning, trying to improve not only about my business, but especially my mind, my heart and trying to get into a “healthy” relationship with a “healthy” man.

One thing I’ve noticed is that men are intimidated by successful women such as myself. They think that I will dominate them in the relationship not only financially, but in life overall. I’m far from it, sometimes actually being cordial and accomodating to the point where I ask the men I date to make decision on what restaurants to eat in, movies, etc. I am a lady in a man’s world who happen to be successful at it and I feel I’m being punished for my success and therefore, I’m not getting many dates.

I don’t want to apologize for my success. I feel I don’t need to. I am actually proud that I’ve come this far… now that I just need to give the same energy to forming a healthy relationship and finding a man to match. When I’m in a room full of men, which happens most of the time in my field and being one of the youngest or “the” youngest, those same so-called “powerful” men just can’t seem to fit me into the compartment in their brain. I don’t fit anywhere in their criteria as what a woman should be and where a woman should be. In their minds, I am not supposed to be in a room full of testosterone and should be behind an administrative assistants (no offense ladies, I started in this position) desk answering phones.

For example, this last EUM that I’d dated. He was just so surprised that someone who is in the same age group as he is, has accomplished so much, whereas he’s still trying to find his way to the corporate bathroom! He told me that I’m such a decisive woman, that no wonder I was able to accomplish so much at such a young age. When he said those words, I received that as him being intimidated.

When I go on dates, I have to play down my career, my accomplishments and reveal it on the 3rd or 4th date or whenever they ask about what I actually do for a living and my position. I hate doing it, but men are afraid of successful women, at least the ones that I’d met.

So what does a lady do on these situations? I meet so many men everyday in my field. The ones who are far more successful than I are married or taken which I’m not going to touch. Since I travel so much, a lot of eligible men are on the other side of the USA. The ones I deal with here near me are mostly intimidated by someone like me.

Any comments or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

I like the term above, “I want to become the person I would like if I were to meet me”. That pretty much sums it up and that’s why I’m back in therapy for maintenance purposes. But here’s my question, are there men out there who are also willing to make the transition within themselves? If so, where are they?

The last guy I dated was a jumble of mess with guilt and shame. He is seeking therapy and thanks to me, I “showed” him what a somewhat well-adjusted person is like. I still have baggage, but like I’d said on my post on that site, it’s small enough to fit in the luggage compartment overhead. I’ve worked diligently for most of my adult life through therapy on improving myself and I know I still have room for improvement.

Thank you for this site. It’s helping me put some things in perspective. I will definitely be working to be a successful woman in a relationship and remain successful in my career.

Here is something sad, but I want to write it because it gives a great description of what you are saying here. I have three sisters, so that makes four girls. We are all in our 30s now, early to late 30s. We are all what people would call ‘professionally successful’ in many wonderful ways… but here’s the sad thing, none of us is in a relationship, has a boyfriend, is engaged or married. None of us has children. Here’s something more sad, which explains the whole thing. My father was a violent man, he was violent with our mother and violent with us – and our mother condoned it – from when we were tiny, well up into our early 20s. It would be hard to gather a sense of self worth in such an environment. Need I say more? If any of us four were to have a relationship it would be a miracle. We are all ‘alone’ and I think it is no coincidence.

So it is true what you say NML, the inner sadness, the unhappiness, that we have for ourselves, that total lack of self-esteem, that is the thing which determines whether or not we find a lasting postive healthy relationship. I’m in therapy for what happened now, and have realised many things. I’ve been dating and have (shockingly) great boundaries. Principal among them is a deep sense of self-love which is emerging, and I no longer walk around with a blank price tag on my head – letting men determine my value. I am the only one who determines my value, and I set it high.

Thanks for all your wonderful blogs. They are AMAZING!!! And so are you!!!

Some of my friends need to read this. But they won’t pay attention. Oh well, more information for me to keep.

That is what I am finding, too. In my marriage, he was not looking for an equal partner, more like someone to do his bidding and be a “yes sir” type of woman. I got a letter from him today saying (this is 10 years later) that he still wants “reconciliation,” but I know he wants it on his terms, so I politely say “no thank you.” He doesn’t want to be a team where both people contribute equally and beautifully to the relationship.

He did not want me to be successful as he felt that would take away from his looking successful. It is a mystery to me that people can’t seem to share and rejoice with each others successes rather than try and one-up the other person.

I saw him in this post. He is driven toward success and achievement to avoid working on issues and pain. He would see his successes as making him a better person than other “less successful” people. It is unattractive, made him less than desirable to me, and I was unable to remain in that kind of relationship where I repeatedly asked for us to get down to the heart of the matter, and he repeatedly said “yes, okay, I will” and then just kept doing things the same old way.