INTERVIEW - Make Me Beautiful!

Ruben 29, shocked the readers of his blog when he started his ‘Make Me Beautiful’ campaign, which implored people to help him be ‘the most beautiful black man in existence’ by donating to his cosmetic surgery fund. His other focal point is the intern ‘Edward’ that his parents have hired and Ruben’s jealousy of him makes for an accidentally funny, but heart wrenching read.
Normally when I hear about someone wanting to make changes to themselves via cosmetic surgery, it tends to be a woman, so I was more than taken aback when I read Ruben’s post:

“I am about to throw myself at the mercy of the blogger community and ask you to donate to my cause” MAKE ME BEAUTIFUL !” I implore you to help me become the most beautiful black man in existence. I tried on my own and I have not been successful. I’ve tried the gym! I’ve applied to the show “Extreme Makeover”. I’ve even contemplated accepting my drunken cousin Ernest’s offer to allow him to give me some bootleg, back-alley plastic surgery. So if you value my contribution to the blogging community and you want me to be the best black piece of ass that I can be feel free to click the donate button on my blog and give to my cause. I am very serious folks and desperate as well. So unless you want to see me on the news cut the hell up by Ernest in some amateur plastic surgery gone wrong story and a bottle of Kettle One Vodka as anesthesia then you will empty your pockets, purses, wallets, piggy banks and mad money stashes to help me realize my dream. Thank you!”NML: Well I suppose the first question should be, have you received any donations to your cause yet

NML: Well I suppose the first question should be, have you received any donations to your cause yetRuben: Yes! I have actually received some donations. It’s only been about $40 bucks so far but I got them. I was honestly surprised that someone would donate.NML: You said you were being serious and I sense that you meant it, but seriously, do you genuinely want to have plastic surgery?!

NML: You said you were being serious and I sense that you meant it, but seriously, do you genuinely want to have plastic surgery?!Ruben: Yes! I am seriously serious about wanting some plastic surgery.

NML: You said you were desperate in your post. Does this mean that you’ll be taking a trip to that bootleg back-alley?

Ruben: Well NML, I’m getting closer and closer to some back alley make me beautiful plastic surgery. My cousin said he could give me cheek bones like Michael Jackson. LOL

NML: There is this misconception out there that it’s women that have facelifts and boob jobs in the quest to be happier with themselves and meet men, yet your post shows that men do too. What are your reasons for wanting plastic surgery?

Ruben: My reasons for having plastic surgery are that I simply feel that I can look better. I have some areas that I think need improving such as my gut, man boobs, and maybe a forehead reduction. I wonder if they can make me about 3 inches taller? No, I don’t think surgery will be the answer to all of my problems, just the superficial ones.

NML: How long have you wanted to have cosmetic surgery?

Ruben: I’ve wanted to get cosmetic surgery for about 3 years now. It’s a fairly new bizarre trend.

NML: How would you describe yourself, without the picture?

Ruben: I think I’m an OK looking guy with a great smile.
NML: Do you genuinely believe that having these cosmetic changes will change your dating prospects?

Ruben: No! I actually have a good dating life. My motives are for me to feel less self-conscious about my appearance. People get bored with each other way too easily so one should never go under the knife for someone else’s benefit.NML: They say that happiness comes from within. Have you tried seeing a counsellor? If no, would you consider seeing one before you take such a big step?

NML: They say that happiness comes from within. Have you tried seeing a counsellor? If no, would you consider seeing one before you take such a big step?Ruben: I agree that happiness does come from within. My urge to get the surgeries doesn’t come from some desperate need to make myself acceptable to others. I want a few improvements solely from my benefit.

NML: You have mentioned that it’s difficult to stay motivated with the exercise on your blog. Have you thought about trying a personal trainer?

Ruben: I have thought about a personal trainer and I have had one before, but I couldn’t stop thinking about killing him as he made me do push up after push up. What is with those people? They translate things into what they want to hear. For example whenever I’d say I can’t breath; he’d say” give me 25 more reps.”

NML: Have you told any of the people that you date what your plans are? If yes, what has their reaction been like? If no, if you get serious with someone, will you tell him what you plan to do? Would you change your mind if he was against it?

Ruben: Unless he is willing to pay for the “Make Ruben into Big Brother Gorgeous One” Fund then it’s really none of his business. I’m not that close to anyone at the moment that I would feel obligated to bring them in on this. Nope! I would definitely not change my mind if anyone I was dating was against the surgeries.{mospagebreak}

{mospagebreak}’Edward’ the intern is a regular feature in Ruben’s blog, but it was this post that had me crying with laughter, and worried for Edwards future, but you couldn’t help but admire his brutal honesty about his jealousy. Most people wouldn’t admit to feelings like this, never mind write them on their blog!

“I feel really awful for what I’m about to write, but it needs to be said. My parents hired this intern and his name is Edward. Edward is intelligent, dependable, and knowledgeable. He seems to be just what they needed at the business, but there is one small problem; my parents like him! He is just what they have been waiting for; a young person that shares their interest and enthusiasm for the funeral director’s business. I know it’s wrong to be jealous of him, but I can’t help it.
Yes, I know that he is just an employee and is no threat to me, but it just chaps my ass to see him interact with them the way he does. He laughs at my father’s lame jokes and he even gets a batch of my mom’s oatmeal/raisin cookies that she is supposed to only make for me. It could just be my imagination, but whenever he is in the room his eyes seem to be saying “your parents like me more than they like you Ruben!” You see I can share a lot of my things: my home, my car and even my dogs, BUT I WILL NOT SHARE MY DAMNED PARENTS!
After ranting to my other brothers and sister, I realize that I need to get a handle on myself before I do or say something that we will all regret. My brothers and sister told me that I was being silly and to get a grip. They also reminded me of how I get once I feel threatened, but it’s too late. I’m already picturing “Edward do no wrong” flying out of the second floor window and smacking the ground. OK! Edward is not the villain: he is just a nice young kid trying to gain experience in the business and my parents just happen to like him as a person. Maybe, if I say this to myself over and over again I will resist the urge to kill Edward!
Feel free to respond and tell me what an asshole I am!”

NML: Reading your post, it appears that Edward is doing a classic case of brown-nosing. Does Edward pose a threat to your position within your family or with the family business? If yes, have you tried to speak to your parents regarding this? If no, have you thought about trying to make a friend of Edward rather than an enemy?

Ruben: Edward annoys me because he has a link to my parents that I don’t have; he has a common interest professionally. He’s no threat to me as far as the family business; he’s just an intern that could move up to being an employee, but nothing more. I’d honestly kill him before I’d let him get his hands on anything of mine. SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NML: I really feel for you with your jealousy of The Intern. I didn’t realize that men think like this and I see that your readers were touched by your posts. Do you think you’ll move past this jealousy?

Ruben: I am really trying hard to overcome the jealousy thing about the creepy intern Edward, but he isn’t making it easy for me. He seems to know how to make my parents flip out over him. I’m actually going into a rage just typing the answer to this question.

NML: You alluded to having felt jealous before when you mention in the post above, that your siblings reminded you of how you get once you are threatened. How do you ‘get’? What have you done on those occasions?
Ruben: HMMMMMMMMMMMM! I get kind of irrational when I become jealous. I’ve had utilities shut off. I had a friend who owns a towing company tow someone’s car that I felt was a threat. I’m trying to grow up a little and stop being so semi-psychotic.
NML: It is clear from your jealousy that you love your parents. I did note that you put them up for sale the following month at a whopping price of $2.5m. Have you had any bidders yet? Is this another ploy to raise money for the cosmetic surgery fund?

Ruben: That post was a joke, it was basically a reaction to how annoying parents can be sometimes. No, I haven’t gotten any bids on them.

NML: Where do you see yourself in 5 years time?

Ruben: I see myself owning a new home and moving ahead professionally to a new career (Photography). As far as the personal life who knows where that tornado will touch down.

NML: Thank you for doing this interview. I don’t think you need plastic surgery but it’s not for me to decide. I hope you find that happiness with your appearance, with or without the help of the plastic surgery. As for Edward, don’t let the jealousy eat away at you. Your parents clearly love and care about you, and you them, and Edward will never be able to replace you. If you really can’t be friends with Edward, find a way to be civil with him. It’s good to keep your friends close and your ‘enemies’ even closer! You need to keep your jealousy in check and steer clear of the ‘semi-psychotic’ behaviour. Towing cars and cutting utilities is bad enough and it would not be good for your jealousy to get any further out of hand!

Please do visit Ruben’s blog, which has lots of entertaining witty posts about various aspects of his life, including his surgery plans and his jealousy! For a long time Ruben felt that he had no voice and his blog has become his outlet. Naturally, you can of course donate to his ‘Make Me Beautiful’ fund on the blog, or you can even buy his parents!

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